WANYE: 1 SUTHERBY: 0 HORCOFF: $2B

Wanye
June 11 2014 11:28AM

Yesterday we made the announcement that Brian Sutherby is now the Editor in Chief of the Nation Network. Positive and negative comments rolled in and people wanted to know “just who is this Brian Sutherby away from the ice? Is he a kind soul with wavy locks? Or a secret jerk kicking puppies given half a chance?”

We will say this about Suds: He is a terrible gambler, especially when a former Oiler and a certain anonymous hockey blogger are involved.

STEP ONE

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For as long as I have known Sutherby, he hasn’t been an Oilers fan. Now, for most of the time I have known him, he has been an active NHL player, so he is owed a degree of professional courtesy.

We understand that he can’t exactly be a Dallas Star and walk around in an Oilers tee shirt any more than we can go around in a YouPorn Tuxedo. That is an entirely different website competing against my own, just like the Oilers were his direct competition for over a decade.

Nonetheless, we would always chirp Suds when the Oilers won (they are champions), he was a free agent (sign with the Oilers – live the dream), or he was rumoured to be on the trading block (if only we needed a C who could get destroyed by Douglas Murray on the reg).

Now that he is retired he can’t hide behind his employer sending him gillions of dollars every two weeks. There is nothing preventing him from living and dying with the Copper and Blue like the rest of us do. Well, there is the small matter of the Oil being terrible and actually cringe worthy for a former player like Suds to watch on the reg.

But that’s a story for a different day.

STEP TWO

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Anywhoo, to start the season Suds and I were talking about the Oil and he was going on and on about former Oilers who have flown the coop only to dominate elsewhere. “The list goes on and on man,” he said reclining on a gold couch like all recently retired NHL players do. “Look at guys like Stoll and Greene. Railroaded out of town only to have a great second act with a new change of scenery.”

Grinding my teeth so hard they created sparks, I replied, “Well sure, that’s just because they are rats. What do I care if a rat leaves a sinking ship and swims safely to shore. He is still a rat.”

“Ignoring that they were traded so they aren’t rats, I’ll tell you who will have a good season this upcoming year,” came his breezy response. “Shawn Horcoff. I bet he gets 40 points in Dallas now that he gets a fresh start without everyone all over him.”

Shawn Horcoff. Like our former Captain Shawn Horcoff? Like the guy the Oilers signed to be Captain until 2099 for 11 trillion dollars Shawn Horcoff? Ain’t no way no Shawn Horcoff is getting no 40 points for no Dallas Stars this season.

With the confidence that comes from being an obnoxious last place Oilers fan since forever, we were immediately all over this. We jumped up and demanded at the top of our lungs that he bet us any sum of money he saw fit and we shook hands to seal the deal.

Then came a season of increasingly rare texts from Suds as Horcoff would occasionally pot an empty net goal or collect a meaningless second assist. “My boy is heating up, son! Look for him to go on a run.”

Indeed. We have our PHD in watching Shawn Horcoff not go on a run. We have seen this all before.

STEP THREE

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The Stanley Cup may be on the verge of being awarded to the LA Kings and the very able Jarrett Stoll and Matt Greene. But that don’t change the fact Shawn Horcoff wasn’t anywhere near 40 points.

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Men lie, women lie, numbers don’t. You owe me $250, Suds. I accept all forms of payment including Visa, Bitcoin and Jordan Eberle phone numbers. And strangely, thanks Shawn Horcoff. For the first time in years you really delivered when we needed you to. 

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Blog so hard motherf**ckers try and find me. Email me at wanyegretz@gmail.com or tweet me @wanyegretz provided it is about Jordan Eberle or babes.
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#2 RexHolez
June 11 2014, 11:36AM
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Does this mean Wayne's back? Has the nation calmed down enough for the triumphant return?

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#3 ubermiguel
June 11 2014, 11:37AM
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I brought this up in the comments of a previous article, but I don't think many Oilers went on to dominate elsewhere. In Stoll's case he went to a team where his skills are being perfectly utilized; they're not asking him to the the #1 or #2 centre, just a great two-way 3/4 centre who wins tons of draws. Greene is not being asked to be a top 4 defenceman. Horcoff is not being asked to be a #1 centre. Cogliano is being used as a winger in Anaheim. Hemsky had a small sample size in Ottawa so it's too soon to draw conclusions there, but I'm willing to bet he doesn't play a full season and tops out at 70 points whereever he goes...just like he did here.

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#4 pelhem grenville
June 11 2014, 11:38AM
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...but but... but my fearless leader

"...respecially..."???

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#5 Fish
June 11 2014, 11:38AM
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As editor in chief, first order of business. Make Mac T aware that the blog-omatic trade machine is heating up. Gagner + Yak + Musil to TO for Kadri + Gardiner + 8 OV (Draft Virtanen). Welcome aboard Suds!!!

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#6 baggedmilk
June 11 2014, 11:41AM
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Looks like Suds has to snap a piece off from the solid gold chair he sits on at Nation HQ!

40 points for Horcoff, he says. Yeah! And Kate Beckinsale wants me to massage her on the daily.

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#7 mc79hockey
June 11 2014, 11:44AM
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Point a game in the playoffs eh? Clutch warrior.

(Horc's Corsi would have led the Oilers too.)

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#11 David S
June 11 2014, 11:51AM
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Enough of this Tom foolery! Bah! with stats and Bah! with mock drafts. I will ask the real question everybody wants to know...

How the heck did you get "Suds" out of "Sutherby" ????????

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#12 A-Mc
June 11 2014, 11:54AM
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I was waiting for the liner where you bet the entire nation on Horc not getting 40 pts.. Followed by the link showing he had hit exactly 40 pts.

And thus how Suds got his new gold Nation Throne to sit along side his golden couch.

PS: Is this bitcoin thing legit? Whats the 411 on bitcoins

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#14 freeze
June 11 2014, 12:24PM
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I was pretty disappointed that no matter how many times I clicked on the 'Spending Efficiency' tab, nothing happened.

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#15 Voltron
June 11 2014, 12:24PM
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On the reg. http://youtu.be/fYvKwoWNOl4

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#16 Sorensenator
June 11 2014, 12:25PM
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@Wanye

Stoll and Greene were still in their prime when they were moved to the kings, Horcoff is in an obvious spiral downward in his career.

That being said, there are not many (if any) formal Oilers that are lighting the lamp on a consistent basis.

Curtis Glencross - good player, injurys have plagued him lately but has put up decent numbers, averaging 36 pts per season with the flames.

Kyle Brodziak - Good third line player, has managed to average 30 pts per season with Minnesota OoOoOoOoOooo

Jarret Stoll - Good third line centre, has remained relatively healthy but has only averaged 34 pts per season with L.A.

Matt Greene - I will stay away from offensive production with this one as we all know what he brings however he has routinely been pencilled in as L.A's 7th defenseman.

Pronger doesn't count, he had to retire due to dome issues.

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#19 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
June 11 2014, 12:35PM
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***takes gloves off and clears throat***

Hey Wanye, how many hundreds did Suds take back off of you after your Gagner to be captain proclamation?

**runs away snickering**

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#20 cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan
June 11 2014, 12:41PM
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cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan wrote:

***takes gloves off and clears throat***

Hey Wanye, how many hundreds did Suds take back off of you after your Gagner to be captain proclamation?

**runs away snickering**

GO AWAY TROLL!

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#22 Sorensenator
June 11 2014, 12:53PM
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Wanye wrote:

SEE SUDS SEE?! LEAVE THE OIL AND WALLOW IN OBSCURITY FOREVER

Or mediocrity

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#23 Cool Beans
June 11 2014, 12:59PM
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mc79hockey wrote:

Point a game in the playoffs eh? Clutch warrior.

(Horc's Corsi would have led the Oilers too.)

His cosri would lead the Oilers because he didn't play for the Oilers. Big differnce when you have NHL dmen to get the puck moving the right way.

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#25 A-Mc
June 11 2014, 01:04PM
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Wanye wrote:

Most Oilers these past 7 years would jump at the chance to jump all the way up to Mediocre in the NHL standings I'd wager

DONT BREAK THE FAITH WANYE!

The Mighty oil are going to start the season 42-0 and CRUSH IT all the way to the playoffs!

then see a 1st round playoff exit to dallas in 4 straight losses.

GOILERS!

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#27 vetinari
June 11 2014, 01:11PM
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I wish the Oilers were mediocre. That would be at least a 25 point improvement in the standings.

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#28 916oiler
June 11 2014, 01:30PM
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Bamboooooozled!

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#29 DSF
June 11 2014, 02:27PM
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David S wrote:

Enough of this Tom foolery! Bah! with stats and Bah! with mock drafts. I will ask the real question everybody wants to know...

How the heck did you get "Suds" out of "Sutherby" ????????

The same way you get wnaye from wanye aka loser!

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#30 Wax Man Riley
June 11 2014, 03:32PM
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DSF wrote:

The same way you get wnaye from wanye aka loser!

YOUR JOKES DON'T MAKE SENSE! GET OUT OF HERE FAKE DSF!!

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#31 MessyEH
June 11 2014, 03:48PM
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Wax Man Riley wrote:

YOUR JOKES DON'T MAKE SENSE! GET OUT OF HERE FAKE DSF!!

Yeah... beat it fake DSF.

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#32 Brian Sutherby
June 11 2014, 05:28PM
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I don't recall seeing anything in "Step One" about the date rape drug you snuck in my beer.

Double or nothing he gets more than 14 points next year???

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#33 The rookie.
June 11 2014, 06:21PM
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Brian Sutherby wrote:

I don't recall seeing anything in "Step One" about the date rape drug you snuck in my beer.

Double or nothing he gets more than 14 points next year???

He doesn't call it that. To Wanye it's called the "soon I can leave the safety of this tree outside of ur window for the comfort of hiding under ur bed, love potion.

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#34 R U Kidding Me!
June 11 2014, 07:58PM
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What was this blog about?

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#36 VK63
June 12 2014, 01:21PM
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Pretty sure it was coaching, getting used to a new system, being used incorrectly, playing with plugs and the humidity that caused Horc to wallow so badly this year.

Or maybe those eyes not matching each other, given the change in altitude, barometric pressure and blonde bombshells caused the built in parallax error he carries to compound the case of the wiffs he seems plagued to suffer forever.

It was something for sure. I mean really. Theres no damn way the six ring circus signs a useless plug to a gajillion dollar deal is there?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

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#37 scp
June 12 2014, 11:23PM
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Stoll and Greene were not run out of town, they were traded, and every oiler fan I knew didn't enjoy seeing them go. Lay off us true oiler fans - we've been through enough - without having to shoulder the blame of running two solid players out of town.

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