June 08 2014 08:11PM
We're getting close to that magical time of the year when the Oilers are actually relevant! Of course, I'm talking about the NHL entry draft and as usual the Oilers are picking in a lottery spot. Since yearly failure is as predictable as the the rising sun, we've once again organized a Draft Party for Oiler fans to come and celebrate the garbage fire that is our favourite hockey team. It's that time again, Nation. It's time for us to reap the rewards of another year's embarrassment. As we do every June, we're celebrating at the Pint Downtown and we're raising money for charity.
An annual Draft Party would likely bring depression and shame to lesser fan bases, but not us Oilers fans. If the Vancouver had missed the playoffs for the better part of a decade, Canucks fans would be more concerned with what to wear to Wreck Beach than who their "team" would be drafting that summer. Around the Nation, we're a special breed. We'll support this team until our hearts stop beating and that's a beautiful thing. Smart? Maybe not. Beautiful? Absolutely! For that, we salute you!
Since we're willing to blindly follow one of the worst teams in all of sports, we're throwing a party to celebrate the rewards of another miserable year. On June 27th, we'll all be gathering at the Pint Downtown and cheering on the next saviour of this team. Some may call it depressing, we call it one of the few bright spots in an otherwise dark existence as Oilers fans. We call it an opportunity to show our support for a team that is as loveable as a punch to the groin.
THE THEME - #ThanksKevin
There are only a handful of jobs in the world where so much failure would result in keeping your job. I think of jobs like, the weatherman. Your weatherman can incorrectly predict rainy skies 95% of the time and no one seems to mind. Inspired by the weatherman, the thought of job security reminds us of the state of Oilers management. Not only have the Oilers failed to make the playoffs for thousands of years, they haven't even been in the same ballpark as the playoffs. The Oilers are so far from contending, we wouldn't be surprised if other teams actually started petitioning the NHL to institute relegation.
In the spirit of unparalleled job security, we proclaim the theme of this year's Draft Party to be #ThanksKevin. Not only have ticket prices increased, but we're arguably no closer to making the playoffs than we were in 2008. It's sad and we're sick of it. We want to see the hashtag spread throughout social media like nothing we've ever seen before. Flat tire? #ThanksKevin. Missed your bus? #ThanksKevin. Need to get the morning after pill to ensure last night's poor decisions don't affect your bank account for the next 21 years? #ThanksKevin. Say it loud, and say it often.
Since throwing a Draft Party for the sake of celebrating failure is not only stupid but sad, we're once again donating the proceeds to charity. If we're going to party for a terrible hockey team, we'd may as well donate the proceeds to charity. Tickets are $20 and this year the proceeds will be donated equally to the ICCP and the Boys and Girls Clubs Big Brothers Big Sisters of Edmonton.
For each ticket you buy, you'll get a Draft Party t-shirt, a $20 Pint GC, a $10 GC and the knowledge that you've helped us raise money for 2 great causes. We hope to raise as much money as possible, so we're asking you to abstain from buying those pogs you wanted and come to the Draft Party instead. Over and above the free stuff, we've got a special guest that will be attending and helping us out with the festivities, and trust me, you'll want to meet her.
Tickets are available here and will be on sale straight through until the date of the party. Thanks so much for the support and we look forward to seeing you there.