True Edmonton Story: the ramblings of a mad man


So we’re sitting in Second Cup on Whyte Ave on Sunday afternoon, nursing a hangover from the night before, and in walks a man to give away free “The Truth on 9-11” DVDs. He sat down and looked normal enough, and it wasn’t long before a fellow insane person sat down and the two got to talking.

Now, we aren’t one to pass up the conversation between two raving derelicts, so naturally we had to stop what we were doing and listen in. The conversation started with: “Yeah man, 9-11 was totally an inside job. The government wants to start World War III.” This continued and eventually turned to other conspiracies including how “microwave transmissions from powerlines can control your mind.”

It got really heated with much gesturing, when moments later the conversation turned again to—we swear we aren’t making this up—the Oilers and whether or not they have the right team to make the playoffs. Now first off, god bless Edmonton and the fact that even the crazy conspiracy theorists eventually get around to discussing how “the powerplay doesn’t shoot enough” once they’ve covered mind control.

Other Oilers insights from an insane 9-11 preacher and other conspiracy theorist included:

  • “MacTavish isn’t the smartest coach in the league but he has discipline. That’s why the Oilers aren’t like the Rangers.”
  • “Ryan Smyth was the heart of the team but was right to be traded because he was old”
  • “That ‘drugstore’ guy should buy the team but there is no way that the ‘old boys’ club will allow him to buy it from them.” (then they both solemnly nodded)

Then, in a you-had-to-be-there to believe it moment, the conversation turned away from hockey and the two men started talking about how “the government keeps pennies in circulation to track people. Why else would they keep them around when they have no value?”

This is why Edmonton has the greatest fans in the league: even our clinically-insane street people know more about hockey than FOX Sports commentators.