I’ll take ‘Things I never thought would happen for $400, Alex’


Sweet merciful tap-dancing 6lb 7oz baby Jesus!

We aren’t afraid to admit that we were sitting in front of our TV, drinking household cleaner and screaming at the screen for most of the night. Of the 400 people in attendance at the game in Florida last night, it seemed 398 of them were Oilers fans, having made the trip down as part of some promotion or other. They deserved better than this didn’t they? A 1-3 road trip through the worst division in hockey?

Oilers lose this game, and its throw-the-season-for-the-draft-pick time. What’s that? We have no first round draft pick? We gave it to Anaheim for Penner? What’s that? It’s being predicted as the deepest draft year since Crosby-Malkin?! AAAAAAAAAARGH

But whaddya know! Less than two minutes left in the game, and Jarret Stoll channels the spirit of 2005-2006 Jarret Stoll or JSBR (Jarret Stoll Before Rachel). Quicker than you can say “where are your pants, sir?” the Oil are tied and the game is going to overtime.

Nevermind that there were two goals disallowed. Nevermind that Souray is hurt again. Nevermind that MacT seems to be as much in control of this team as an usher at Rexall Place, saying after the game, “We normally get a couple of these per year, and we haven’t yet. So it was good to see.” You know, cause that’s solid coaching CrackT—give tribute to the gods of hockey when you beat a terrible Eastern team in a shootout, and chalk up the win to the fact “we always get 1000-1 wins.”

Anyway, it doesn’t matter cause for the whole day all we can think of is: