Dear Hockey Jebus, with your original hockey mullet high up in hockey heaven,
You who hangs out all day with Tim Horton and Maurice Richard playing street hockey.
You and the other Hockey Gods make the decisions on who wins what,
While trying to ignore the Gods of Heavy Metal—who make a hell of a racket down the hall.
You saw it in your infinite wisdom to deny the Oilers a Cup in 2006 for reasons we will come to understand in time.
You thought it best to allow Pronger to leave town, before we all wasted money buying his Jerseys.
You showed us your wisdom by allowing most of the good Oilers to become injured,
And allowing the newer, better Baby Oilers to rock ‘n roll for the last month.
Well, it’s crunch time Hockey Jebus.
All we ask is a thrashing of the Flames tonight and the Canucks on Thursday.
Let that be enough to guide the Oil into the playoffs, where the Oil can play a visibly concerned Red Wings squad.
In exchange we will do whatever you ask, drink whatever you ask, KILL whoever you ask or build a 1,000-foot statue in your honour in the middle of the Whitemud,
And happily swerve around it for the next 100 years.
PLEASE HOCKEY JEBUS