The Oil will be holding a press conference later today to announce that Raffi “Raff-Daddy” Torres will be undergoing knee surgery and will be out for the remainder of the season. This will derail his plans for a return to his 27-goal scoring form of two years ago. On the plus side <insert prospect not named Schremp> will be called up from Springfield, and will get shuffled from line to line.
Get well soon Raff Daddy. Your terrifying bug eyes will be missed.