‘Things look like crap around here’—Jason Gregor

Ever set yourself a goal, Nation?

Maybe it’s a goal to drop the last 100 lbs that stand between you and that elusive six pack you haven’t seen since high school. Maybe it’s to write the Great American Novel, or a learn a new language of some variety. Maybe you want to record a follow-up album to your 1980 smash hit “Whip it” and show the music industry you still have what it takes to spit hot fire.

For us, our goal was decided in early April 2008. We wanted to help upgrade this super-kickass website over the off-season. The things on our to-do list are as follows:

1. Get more writers to keep Brownlee company

  • Willis (check)
  • Gregor (check)
  • Lowetide (check)

2. Rebuild back end of website to have more functionality

3. Re-do look of website to kick extra ass and be as sweet as possible given the current level of technology available on planet Earth.

4. One other “secret thing”

Well we’ve witnessed the OilersNation staff hard at work in the off-season. Doing things, talking to people on the phone, writing things down. Scribbling on whiteboards, mailing letters, going to meetings. We wish now that we had paid closer attention to what was going on, but man alive they looked busy.

Now we know for a fact that the new website is days away. They let us look at it a few weeks back and give our opinions. Then they carefully recorded our opinion on a piece of paper and used it for unspeakable horrors in the Men’s Room here at Nation HQ. The development team is a hard-working group—and they are 100 per cent focused on getting the new OilersNation up and running ASAP.

But they have also hilariously started to ignore the existing site. It’s like they know a hotter girl wants to go out with them, so they are starting to ignore their current lady friend completely.

Let’s check in on a quick Q&A with the development team on Friday shall we?

Question 1

Wanye: “What happens when the countdown clock hits zero over the weekend?”

Dev Team: “Uh, it will probably read all zeros.”

Wanye: “Oh ok, that won’t be so bad.”

Question 2

Wanye: “Is the score updater going to work this season?”

Dev Team: “We have a way better score updater for the new site. But yeah, the old one should work until the new one goes up.”

Wanye: “Well so long as it doesn’t just read that joke score we have had up all off-season”

Dev Team: “Oh no. It can’t because (insert complex technical jargon here).”

Question 3

Wanye: “So you promise the new site will be up for the season opener?”

Dev Team: “Totally. You can count on us, Wanye.”

Wanye: “Sweet. I love you guys so much.”

Dev Team: “Really? We always thought you didn’t like us. You are usually so mean, that really means a lot because—”

Wanye: (interrupting) “Shut your mouth I was being nice. Don’t you dare look me in the eye!”

Question 4

Dev Team: “How is that “other” thing you are working on going these days?”

Wanye: “I repeat: What happens when the countdown clock hits zero? IS IT THE END OF DAYS??”

And so it went until late into the night.

So fast forward to Tuesday morning. The countdown clock has ended and it impossibly says “Hor” instead of “all zeroes.” And the scoreboard still says 31–0 Oilers over the Flames. An excellent score no doubt, but it doesn’t reflect the outcome of the last game in the least.

Now we’re having a philosophical debate with the team. Should you put a few hours into fixing a few bugs on the current site or just drive hard and finish off the new one? At what point do you pour your efforts into finishing off the last 5 per cent of the new version? Is it two weeks ago when you promised you would be done? Should you work day and night to ensure that it is up? Can Devo ever rebound from Whip It?

An email from Jason Gregor received 9:34pm last night:

“Hey Boys.

What the heck is going on with the site? Things look like crap around here. The clock is gone, the score isn’t fixed and there is a swear word in the title of that Wanye article. And I won’t even get into the picture that idiot put up. What’s wrong with you guys? Get it fixed ASAP.”

Ah sweet progress.