Oilers lose to Predators, humans face eternal slavery

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Great Ghost of Tim Horton, that was a brutal game! Before you could say “Andrew Cogliano is a sexy beast,” the Oil were down 3-0. Something called an Erat had a natural hat trick, and that was about it for the good guys. It was so bad that former Oiler Greg deVries was looking like the best defenceman the Oilers have ever let go. Nashville coach Barry Trotz was so happy, he damn near smiled. Fortunately, he’s incapable of feeling any emotions since his neck removal surgery back in ’02.

Now you could argue that the Oil have been owned by the Predators having lost eight—count ’em eight—straight games to Nashville. But that’s nothing. By our count, the Washington Generals have lost 81,568 games in a row to the Harlem Globetrotters. When you start to get into Generals territory, and the Oilers have lost their 81,567th straight game to the Predators (by our count, this would occur in the year 12,204 AD) then we’ll be concerned.

Mind you, by that time all of the world’s disused DVD players will have banded together and be our evil overlords, forcing us to work in their underground potato mines or face the wrath or their optical lasers.

Is that what we want? To be underground potato mine slaves? We don’t. For the sake of the planet, Oilers, find it in your hearts to beat the Predators next year.