Lundqvist guarantees win, lets in 5 goals on 17 shots

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“We know we can put more pressure on them. We’re going to do that in New York, and we’re going to get the win.” —Lundqvist, as quoted in the New York Daily News, after Game 2.

So Lundqvist decides to go and guarantee a Rangers win in Game 3. Henrik Lundqvist needs to realize that he is Henrik Lundqvist and shouldn’t be guaranteeing anything except “a hockey match will start tomorrow night at 7:30pm local time.”

A guarantee is a difficult thing to make, Henrik. And up here in the OilersNation if you give a guarantee and it turns out to be false, it’s a long road ahead of you to be able to make a guarantee again.

Here’s how a guarantee works with our gang of British Dandies, rich industrialists, pipe organ players and ne’er do wells:

1. Make a guarantee.

2. a) Successful? You can make more guarantees. Well done! You join a pantheon of champions who have guaranteed victories including Jaromir Jagr, Kevin Stevens and DJ Spin Cycle who once famously guaranteed “I guarantee I will nail the street hockey goalie square in the beans if you pass me the ball.” And he did.

2. b) Not successful? You lose the ability to guarantee anything, and have to make three consecutive correct “promises” to get your guarantee back. As in “I promise I will not let in any goals in the third period.”

See, you have to make three of those just to get back where you started, Henrik. That could take ages before anyone believes a word out of your mouth again. Take your leads from your Captain Jaromir Jagr. He was quoted by the New York Daily News as saying, “I have a very funny feeling about this series. It’s not over. It’s just my feeling. I don’t know how many believe me, but we’ll see.”

See how non-committal that is? It gives Rangers fans hope—but doesn’t require a guarantee. Smart words from a man sporting what could be the lamest playoff moustache in history.