Let’s all be very, very quiet today. It’s the day after the Super Bowl and any self respecting sports fan is nursing a coffee this AM and looking forward to a hang over lunch at some place really greasy. Any ideas? We were thinking Taco Bell.
The reason of our current state (see above) is obviously because of the back to back Oilers game and Super Bowl 43 yesterday and really because we watched it with our boy Smigorowski. This is a guy who showed up in a #81 Boldin Cardinals Jersey, matching hat AND plastic fitted Cardinals helmet. He has been a fan of the Cards for the past five years (if you can believe it) and yesterday was supposed to be his day. When the Cards were intercepted on the one-yard line and the Steelers ran it in, it became clear that it wasn’t going to be his day. Instead he made it his day by single handedly drinking most of the rye in the west end of Edmonton.
Smigorowski is that buddy we all have tucked away somewhere. Knows everything about every sport, listens to 11 different podcasts on a daily basis and can explain to you why the Red Wings power play is better now than it has ever been, how he correctly predicted this would happen and how he has an authentic signed Zetterberg stick he bought for $5 in a last minute eBay auction win — all while crushing a 40 oz of rye and amazingly still winning at poker.
He is basically a superior form of life if you grade life on the following criteria:
- jumping in on bar fights to back up his buddies
- extreme sports dancing celebrations
- general knowledge
- chiseling himself onto the best line in beer league hockey night after night
- extreme poker dancing celebrations
After many hours of post Super Bowl 43 non-celebrating celebrations he made the interesting confession to us:
“I hate it when my teams lose. Bandwagons fill up and empty out all the time. Not me though. I pick my teams and I don’t care if they are popular or not. There are plenty of easier teams to cheer for than the Oilers and the Cardinals. But I stick with them. You know why? Because when they do eventually win, I will have been there from the beginning. You know how many people texted, emailed or phoned me this week and told me they were watching the Super Bowl today just to think of how greased I was getting somewhere? That’s being a real fan, Wanye. That’s what these weak ass bandwagon jumping fans don’t get. Anyone can cheer for the Yankees. It takes a real fan to cheer for the Kansas City Royals for 35 years.” — Smigorowski at approx 1:30 AM this morning.
This is exactly what he said too. We made him say it into the voice recorder on our BlackBerry because it seemed so profound at the time. Then we promised to write about his sage words of wisdom today. And after making a hungover picture montage for 45 mins we got right around to it too.
Sorry about them Cardinals, Smig.
How about that Robin Brownlee?
So we are sure that plenty of you have already made it over to the latest literary gem from our very own Robin Brownlee It seems that he is starting to warm up to this idea of “say whatever you want on the internet.” We don’t want to say anything to piss him off while he is in his state and we are in ours, so we will respectfully lay down this quote of his regarding Bryan Hall and slowly walk away:
“Hallsy doesn’t know anything about the team aside from what he reads in the morning papers.” — Brownlee
*quietly walks away looking no one — especially Brownlee — in the eye*
The mighty racehorses are off in the second half of the Wanye Gretz Waste Time at Work Hockey Draft (WGWTAWHD). Here is a look at the early leaders:
My, my, my. Such awesome draft GMs you all are. Such robust intellects for thinking and such stout legs for deep squats you all exhibit. “Coilers” — what a clever name you incompetent ass.
Keep a sharp watch out for a team currently in eighth place called “Lord Sexington’s Steeds.” This is a team that has been cleverly planned, expertly analyzed before hand and now managed to perfection by none other than Lord Wanye von Gretz VII. Lord Sexington is only in eighth because of his tendency to also pick with his heart — thus the inclusion of Oilers on his draft team. Losing 10-2 doesn’t give your goalie much love if your goalie is Roloson now does it?
One final thing
There is starting to be a lot of negativity up on this Non Pornographic Website. Our boy Travis Dakin even got into the act the other day:
“I’ve been thinking… It is getting hard being an Oilers fan. Think about it, Why are we even still together? It’s been 28 years of marriage and sure, in the beginning it was amazing. So many highs and good memories. But in the last oh… 18 years or so we’ve been going through the motions.”
What in sweet pasteurized honey are you talking about TD? You had better be still hammered from the Steelers win when you wrote this. Did you read nothing that our boy Smigs talked about yesterday? Were you not present in spirit when he delivered that wonderful speech aimed at real fans like us? We will expand on this topic at a later date when we don’t have a day job meeting looming on the horizon, but suffice to say that we do it for the same reasons the guy in this youtube clip does it:
It may not look good, but damn it — it feels good, and really it’s all we know.
“Why are we still Oilers fans?”
Damn man. That’s harsh on a Monday Morning.