Top o’ the Morning!


For once the Edmonton Oilers could point to someone on Rexall Ice that was smaller and more fragile than any of their players. That’s what you get when you inexplicably hire midgets to roll out a green carpet for the national anthem. Words escaped us when this moment occurred but luckily @dantencer was on the ball via Twitter:

“I think the ‘authentic’ leprechauns might scare the kids at the game tonight.”

You, sir, are bang on in your assessment. Ordinarily we would write a few more words about how wrong this all was or make a joke about “St Patty’s day and Christmas –- the two days of the year any midget who wants work can clean up” but no.

Not today.

Today we are all happy because the blasted Oil won a hockey game. Today we are personally extra happy because there we were, in attendance at RX1 hammering back the hockey beers and watching an old man try and fight a prissy dude in a sweater in our section. (true story)

Anyone who knows us will tell you two facts you can set your watch by:

  1. Wanye Gretz is a passionate lover
  2. Wanye Gretz gets drunk at hockey games

An opportunity for #1 didn’t present itself last night, but #2 got done and got done right. We sat there and watched Sheldon “Big Sexy” Souray — now complete with beard *swoon* — go out and intimidate basically everyone on the ice including poor Sam Gagner, who had to be reminded by Coach MacTavish that he had nothing to fear as he and Souray were teammates. It’s sometimes lost in translation on the telematrix, but this Sheldon Souray does a lot of little things right out there on the ice. Things like scaring the crap out of most opposing players, shooting rockets made of fire from the point and causing most of the females in the lower 20 rows to take multiple trips to the washroom to wring out their undies.

But we’re hungover and we’re rambling.

When you lose 39% of the time you also win 61% of the time and today we get to enjoy one of the good ones where we watch the highlights of the shoot out over and over again and contemplate how wise the brass are having picked up Kotalik at the deadline. seem to think all the problems have been solved too declaring “OT Woes Over!” On a day like today, who are we to argue with this shameless exaggeration of fact?

Happy post-St. Patty’s Day, Nation. Ain’t that right weird Storm Trooper Oiler fans?


Ain’t this team some sort of awesome Wu-Tang Clan?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Holy crap! I must have been the only guy in Edmonton who went to work today.

    Epic thread ladies. Looks like even the moderators took the day off. We're one homo-erotic comment away from a JSBM GDT. It's greasy in here and I like it.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    David S wrote:

    Epic thread ladies. Looks like even the moderators took the day off. We’re one homo-erotic comment away from a JSBM GDT. It’s greasy in here and I like it.

    I take great pride in the vulgarity of the JSBM Bosignore Citizens Brigade meetings.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Poo Czar wrote:

    Wanye Gretz wrote:
    @ Poo Czar:
    I hope Willis doesn’t see any of this. We are trying to put on a good show for the smart people that come here too….
    *smashes plate on head*
    Hell, I wanna hear the smart peoples perspective on the subject! Drop some Sciencey stuff in there, like a “Mariana Trench” or “Laplace Transform” or something. What the hell do i know? “Wizard’s Sleeve” still makes me giggle.

    I am a Scientist and I approve all said terms. But when i looked it up in my Official Book of Science, the definition listed there is "Not The Pooper" – the fish mitten part of a lady that opperates for the soul purpose of being a pork port.

    Science rules.