Cribs n junk

wanyemanor1

Yesterday we were messaged by a buddy who said “Sheldon Souray is selling his house in Edmonton!” Like any good singer/songwriter we immediately shot back “says who? You? Pfft.” But upon further investigation it turns out that it was heard second hand from someone who heard it on JAG with Gregor and Brownlee.

This is very troubling news. Let’s discuss this rumor with the wild speculation and conjecture that befits bored hockey fans shall we?

Souray selling his house in Edmonton

playboymansion

Emotional Wanye: Uh WHAT?

Logical Wanye: Easy E.W, this could be like the time you had to make that emergency call to the STD Clinic. This too could be a phantom menace.

Emotional Wanye: But what if it isn’t? What if he is moving? What are we going to DO?

*starts hyperventilating*

Logical Wanye: To be fair E.W you didn’t even hear what was said. There could be a million reasons why Souray would sell his house. Perhaps he is buying a solid gold house. This is a standard move for a hojillionaire Sex God at this stage of his career. Perhaps his existing house doesn’t have a big enough floor safe. Perhaps the grotto out back has a fungus of some sort and he is looking to unload it before it becomes evident and the value of the house falls.

Emotional Wanye: Wait a minute, you aren’t logical Wanye….

(reaches over and peels off Logical Wanye’s face, which turns out to be a mask and reveals a clone of Emotional Wanye crying hysterically.)

Emotional Wanye Clone: There is no time or place for logic in this scenario fool! Didn’t you hear that Big Sexy is moving? Didn’t Brownlee say that he had asked for a trade at the end of the season? Brownlee is never wrong! He always drops hints left and right and it always happens! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT IS GOING ON?

(Emotional Wanye and his clone stare unblinking at one another for a few moments in frozen terror. In the background a much kissed Souray poster falls off the wall and flutters to the ground.)

Sean Avery’s Bentley on Cribs wasn’t his

While we are on the topic of NHL player’s cribs we have heard a little tidbit of interest regarding one Sean Avery. It seems that when Avery had his LA house on MTV Cribs he showed a Bentley he claimed as his own. The thing of it is – it wasn’t his car at all. Pretending to own a Bentley? Is this how you were raised Sean Avery? For shame.

In the absence of being able to find YouTube footage of Sean Avery on Cribs we have included what did come up on YouTube when we searched “Avery&Cribs” in the video above. That clip tells basically the same story and illustrates the point we are trying to make which is this:

This is the second time that Cribs has disappointed us severely with false claims of ownership. The first time was when Ja Rule had probably one of the best Cribs segments ever.

Crazy Ja Rule Cribs segment

Look at that episode! Jay Z arriving by motor yacht! Vin Diesel wearing a hilarious tank top/track suit combination! A guy in the pantry named Cookie! Problem was – it wasn’t his crib. It was rented and Ja Rule was later sued for destroying the house:

The 8,000 square foot home was rented in May of 2001 for the Memorial Day weekend and Ja Rule allegedly threw a lavish party that left holes in (the) walls, broken doors, destroyed furniture, cracked tile in her driveway and numerous syringes and condom wrappers all over. During that weekend MTV filmed the entire home for an episode of MTV Cribs profiling the home as Ja Rule’s “Miami” residence. Under the alleged rental agreement the residence was to be used for four days with a maximum of eight people staying on the premise. Instead more than 600 people arrived by bus, boat and other means of transportation the lawsuit says.

The point in all of this – and trust us there is a point – is that Sheldon Souray’s crib is all of a sudden of the utmost importance to us.  He isn’t some douchebag that will be soon forgotten like Ja Rule or Sean Avery.  He is an important piece of the puzzle going forward round these parts and let’s hope the only reason his house is for sale is because he is looking to upgrade his joint.

‘Cause if he does get dealt…..

  • I'm a Scientist!

    …at least Ja has a sweeeet T.V. in "his" bedroom… then again, who watches T.V. when there are condoms and syringes flying around the room? Holla!

    If Souray is going anywhere, shouldn't it be LA since that is where his kids are and that is his big reason for wanting out…supposedly.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I like listening to Ja Rule try to explain why he has a feminine looking bathroom, when the entire house looks like it was decorated by my grandmother.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Hoodlum wrote:

    I saw Souray at the Lakers game last night, could be California bound

    His wife and kids live in California and many of the Oilers do their off season training in SoCal, and besides that how many players spend their time lazing around all summer when most have the means and werewithawl to travel or do whatever they want.

    If I'm Sheldon Souray and my options are hang out in Edmonton and watch the Capitals play at Telus field or hop a jet and go watch Kobe and the Lakers in the NBA Finals, I know where I would be.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Jodes wrote:

    @ Chad:
    Doesn’t Souray’s Ex and his daughter also live in California? You’d think he’d want to spend time with his kid in the off season..

    Maybe Big Sexy doesn't want to get to close to Big Ex-y

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I miss the good old days when guys like Anderson and Messier would disappear for 3 months and come back looking all strung out and/or 20 lbs overweight for training camp.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    The Menace wrote:

    @ Librarian Mike:
    Somewhere, Dustin Penner’s ears just started burning.

    His ears aren't burning, that's that batch of wings he just put in the oven.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I've been locked in an Austrian basment for the last 11 months. Didn't we establish last summer that Souary was un-tradeable and one of the worst signings in the new NHL?

    PS – Did they sign Horcoff or will he be a UFA?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    BigE57 wrote:

    The Menace wrote:
    @ Librarian Mike:
    Somewhere, Dustin Penner’s ears just started burning.
    His ears aren’t burning, that’s that batch of wings he just put in the oven.

    and by "oven", you mean his mouth, right?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    *sniff* Que Souray Souray, whatever will be will be. The futures not ours to see… que Souray Souray.

    If he moves, I'll snap, I'll head fake him with a right and the ultra maroon would go for it, then -BAM- -POW-…right in the kisser. Ever since I became….erm.

    I'm not original.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    THIS

    Librarian Mike wrote:

    I miss the good old days when guys like Anderson and Messier would disappear for 3 months and come back looking all strung out and/or 20 lbs overweight for training camp

    AND THIS

    The Menace wrote:

    @ Librarian Mike:
    Somewhere, Dustin Penner’s ears just started burning.

    Are why I love this website so much. Librarian Mike has what is easily the best comment of the offseason, if not the year.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Cory Dakin:

    I want to get in on this Ja Rule talk. I love in that episode how he wanders around aimlessly clearly unsure about the floor plan of the house. What a goof.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ The Menace:
    The Menace wrote:

    BigE57 wrote:
    The Menace wrote:
    @ Librarian Mike:
    Somewhere, Dustin Penner’s ears just started burning.
    His ears aren’t burning, that’s that batch of wings he just put in the oven.
    and by “oven”, you mean his mouth, right?

    Honestly, who doesn't expect to see him entering competitive eating contests over the summer, wings, chili, hot dogs…….and then for lunch.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Wanye Gretz:

    I liked the part when he was defending "his bathroom" and it's womanliness.

    Also, I would like to pull up to major parties in a motor yacht. Wanye, next time you throw a bush party on the banks of the North Sask. you best holla at ya boy.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Wanye Gretz:
    A lot of stars live out on that island according to Mr. Rule… He, fortunately, is not one of them.

    I'm convinced that the "cook" is actually the real owner, and his house has been hijacked.

    Ja doesn't even know what's in "his" fridge! come on MTV, let's hire some quality control people.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Cory Dakin:

    I was half expecting his mom to come in and walk around screaming, "JEFFREY! WE GO TO MEXICO FOR ONE WEEK AND YOU HAVE A PARTY! YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

    Ja Rule? More like Ja Tule.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Librarian Mike:
    My question about this whole thing is… How sh**ty is the house he really lives in when he has to rent one to show on MTV Cribs… I don't think you're far off on the living with his mother thing….

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Harlie wrote:

    didn’t Souray ask for a trade near the end of the year? Weren’t there a few vets who wanted out? wasn’t Smid grumblin? Should see some exits..

    I could be mistaken or it could be selective memory, but I don't remember reading or hearing about any one player in particular looking to jump ship at the end of the season.

    Is everyone just looking for another guy to hate on ala Chris Pronger?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    So my buddy, who is a frequent viewer but non poster of the Nation and who is also a prominent real estate agent in Edmonton had told me that Souray has not listed his house for sale and that he is in fact just getting a new one built. I don't know what to believe. My heart is torn. I still think he is leaving though.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Didn't your teacher ever tell you if you're going to bring some for yourself, you must bring enough for the rest of the class?

    Sheesh. Kids these days.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I think Souray asked for a trade at season's end and management, realizing that having another all-star defenceman (and one from Alberta, no less) want out of Edmonton, would be devastating PR for the Oilers, and so told him to lay low and keep quiet. And in return, they will trade him before the start of next season and both sides will deny that he ever wanted out.