Three things we can’t wrap our minds around

complex

What do you do when it’s the middle of the off season and you are supposed to talk Oilers 24/7? What if there is no Oilers news? What if all of a sudden the site has grown again and now 21,000 people have visited the website in the past two days wanting to read Oilers related somethings and only that?  We can’t handle this kind of pressure! You people are animals and y-

*starts to cry*

There are several approaches to solving this weighty problem today July 8, 2009:

You can go for volume

eklund

We had never heard about this Eklund until Willis wrote that article about him. Let’s be honest, an old guy throwing out Nashville Predator trade rumors with an undecipherable (E-something) rating system isn’t exactly the kind of thing that makes ol’ Wanye get up in the morning and race to his compumatrix. Now turn him from an old guy into a hot lady, give her a nice rack and put her in a scenario where the pizza delivery guy needs to be paid for the pizza and make a movie about it. Then we will be paying rapt attention each and every day.

We have heard and read a lot of people hating on this nice Indiana Jones looking chap and couldn’t really understand the nature of the vitriol. Having been to his site and looked around we don’t see anything that is really deserving of all this hatorade but we also don’t get his schtick. For the life of us we can’t wrap our minds around why this dude just pumps out fake trade rumors all day long. There are lots of different NHL related things to talk about in the day. Why just focus on this?

We are having a hard time wrapping our brain around reporting on the Oilers 24/7. Can you imagine trying to report on TRADE RUMORS 24/7? Of course he has a 0.000014% accuracy rating. If he reported the trades as they were to occur he would post about 20 articles all year long.

You can watch the poll

wtf1

And you can similtaneously curse the day Mr. and Mrs. Heatley knocked boots over a box of red wine and an 8 track cassette of Air Supply.

You want Dany Heatley to come to Edmonton still? What in the sweet holy hell are we doing here Nation? This used to be 73% No and 27% percent Yes! Now the Yes’ are winning? Are you that desperate? Do any of you have sisters that are that desperate? Cause if you do tell them to hit us up at twitter.com/wanyegretz and we will put them to good work acting out a play about a pizza delivery guy who needs to get paid for his pizza.

Great Gods of Hockey – we just can’t wrap our minds around why anyone in these parts would be cheering for Dany Heatley to do anything except get creamed by a bus. Please people who voted “Yes to Heatley being an Oiler” in the past 48 hours. Explain what has happened to make you think “yeah, you know what – I DO want this unbelievable douchebag to wear the Copper and Blue. I don’t care how much of a train wreck he is or how little regard he is showing for his current club. Things will change once he gets HERE by gum!”

Seriously though, please explain.

You can talk bullshit and wait

Have you ever seen this video which was picked up by sewer snakecam in North Carolina? It’s 100% real and mad disgusting. Some brainy interweb types are saying that it is a clump of annelid worms but we think it looks more like how we imagine Lauren Pronger looked before she assumed human form, exited the sewers and began to seek a human mate. We have watched this a few times and we have not been able to wrap our minds around it either.

Until something happens of note, may this video haunt your dreams.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Milli wrote:

    @ Wainwright Dan:
    Man that was funny!!!!!!

    Quoted for truth.

    "Heatley: Look Kevin, I just want you know that the regular season is nice. But that's not my focus. For a guy like me, the real hockey doesn't start until April and May.

    Lowe: Yes, absolutely, it's all about the Stanley Cup.

    Heatley: The what? No, I meant the world hockey championships.

    Lowe: Oh.

    Heatley: Man, I totally kick ass in that tournament."

    LOL!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    MINOR NEWS
    Well, there is some news, even if it falls well short of "stop the presses."
    I'm hearing the Oilers won't be holding their rookie tournament games against Calgary and Vancouver as part of rookie camp this year like they did last season.
    I don't have any details, but I passed it on to Guy Flaming at The Pipleline Show and I assume he'll be following it up.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Dreger just wrote on TSN that Philly screwed up on the Pronger extension. The Flyers believe that If Prongs retires before the end of his contract, there is no cap hit. But because his extension starts next year(when he is 35) the NHL believes it will. Ouch!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Robin Brownlee wrote:

    MattN wrote:
    Conversation between Murray and Heatly
    DH- This team sucks, the press is up my butt and the fans are creepy stalkers who dig through my garbage. I want a trade! Here is a list of teams I am willing to go to.
    BM- I notishh Edmonton ishn’t on here. Whatever, I am trading you there anywaysh.
    DH- but,but,but…. I negotiated a NTC in my contract with you last year.
    BM- Shtupid boy, I am going to leak the deal to make you look like an ash and put presshure on you to accshept.
    DH- The Oilers haven’t made the playoffs in 3 years and the fans have ridden Pronger, Comrie and Lupul out of town in the last few years. They are going to hate me if I make too much money and don’t kill people every shift. Just ask Penner.
    BM- You have no choish now. I jusht shigned Kovalev.
    DH- I am just going to keep quiet and hope some other GM tries to put a package together soon.
    Brilliant.
    I thought about writing the same kind of thing years ago after Bryan and I talked on the phone just after Kevin Lowe queered the Mike Comrie deal with his 11th-hour request for $2.5 million. You can imagine the conversation (I still laugh when I think about it) with BM really pissed . . .
    Nice work.

    I shamelessly plagerized from DownGoesBrown.

    I love how all the good inside info comes out years later. You should write a book someday and pull all the skeletons out of the closet.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ MattN:
    Every time BM said "for f#ck shake" during the conversation, and he said it a lot, I had to stop myself from laughing out loud and blowing the interview."

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Cam:

    Ya, your right. I want this Heatly thing to be over already. I just figured we would have more to show for at this point than 1 less centerman and a goalie. At least an RFA signing like Grebs or something like that. How long do we wait for Heatly??? Even if he does say yes we still have to work out a new deal with Murray as well. Still a couple months to do some things but I have a feeling it won't be much.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Robin Brownlee wrote:

    @ MattN:
    Every time BM said “for f#ck shake” during the conversation, and he said it a lot, I had to stop myself from laughing out loud and blowing the interview.”

    Like talking to a drunk Mel Blanc halfway between Sylvester the Cat and Elmer Fudd

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I think with all these free agents being signed one by one there will be no one left. If the Oilers can get him, I say take him, he will only make our team better..

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Rice wrote:

    Jason Gregor wrote:
    Rice wrote:
    vote for Heatley because it has been what 12 years since someone of the copper and blue scored 39 goals. And that is an off season for heater. I will put up with a lot of crap for a bit of that.
    Worse than that my man…18 years since Petr “garbage pail helmet” Klima scored 40. You take Heatley in a second and don’t worry about it.

    Didn’t Smyth have 39 goals in 96/97?

    thank god we dont have math as a requirement to post here at oilersnation.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    If someone hasn't mentioned it already (I'm not reading 104 comments to find out), the YES side is winning because all the good UFA's are gone.

    Given the choice between 12th place and Dany Heatley, Dany wins hands down.

    Now where is Satan with that contract that needs signing?