GDB XXVIII: The Wings and Schwarzenegger references

When was the last time the Oilers played? Like a week ago? And while some of you might remember what the score was, I actually took a page from Minister Towel Boy’s lexicon of pop culture references and paid a little visit to my favourite fictional memory wipe shop, Rekall Inc.

Not only did I get a Mars adventure with a triple-breasted prostitute implanted into my brain, but I also had the fine people at the ol’ Brain Deflator Factory pull the 7-2 loss to the Canucks out of my brain.

Shit, It didn’t work. DAMN YOU COHAGGEN!

Give these people air

Anyone sitting there thinking this team is done for the season is… well, maybe not too far off. My older brother, a PhD in theoretical mathematics declared a few days back that, "Even though it is only December, the Oilers are pretty much toast and will not make the playoffs. They need to play at a 110 pt pace for the rest of the year (or something like that) just to make it. It is over for them for this year."

We put this out to our lovely Twitter followers the other day, and were treated to a further tidbit from oil101:

"If they get 6 pts every 5 games (98 pt pace) they will end up with 90 pts. Last two years cutoff was at 91 pts."

SEE EVERYONE?! THERE’S STILL A CHANCE!

Wings of, hopefully, providence

‘Tis the season for miracles, my friends. So I’m gonna have a sit on ol’ Brownleeclaus’ lap, ask for a Tonka truck for Christmas… then I’ll ask him to slip performance-enhancing drugs into the Oilers’ gatorade. I’m surprised Kay-Z hasn’t thought of this already. Ah, but he’s too busy hiring consultants and trying to get taxpayers to fund an arena.

So tonight we have to go it alone against the Detroit Red Wings. Sure, they’re ranked 10th in western conference while the Oilers are dead last… but we still have a chance. And even if we lose tonight (which we won’t) we can rest easy knowing we’re still a full THREE POINTS ahead of the Maple Leafs. Am I right, guys? Guys?

*crickets chirp*

Hulk smash!

No one likes losing, and you can bet your ass that every last one of the boys on this squad would probably break their sticks in a rage over their performance for far this season — as long as it didn’t severely injury their own goalie. Khabby’s in rough shape as it is.

But broken sticks don’t win games. Hustling, battling, scoring and defending your zone wins games. These guys are tired of being raked over the coals, I’m sure. Tonight they’re going to do all the things they need to do to win… and they’re going to — get this — actually win it.

I said earlier today I thought the Wings would take the game 4-2. I take all that back. Tonight, it’s the Oilers. 4-2.

Book it.

Go Oilers!

  • Nuge&Connorvs.Sam&Sean

    It's good to see Katz has his priorities straight. A new state of the art place for the Oilers to play in is a whole lot more important than the state of the team right now.

    It's all about the new arena people!!

    So what if the on ice product is AHL quality so long as the seats are filled.

        • Oil Kings 'n' Pretty Things

          Hey, it's not so bad. We've got a brand new arena that seats 15,000 on a sellout. We also get some pretty big name AHL talent through here: Jason Krog, Mike Keane, Rob Schremp…

          • Nuge&Connorvs.Sam&Sean

            You also lost the Jets. They were a pretty good team and I loved to watch them play. I have nothing but respect for the players, but they simply do not have the chemistry needed no matter who coaches them.

            And then, you have a management team that does nothing. And don't nobody bring up cap issues because other teams also have them and still make moves. When an ordinaty person does not do their job right, they get F-I-R-E-D!!!

          • BarryS

            hate to disagree with you, well no I don't, how many of the crooks running banks and investment companies you know lost their jobs, lately? How many union chiefs lost their jobs for forcing salaries and benifits on company which promply go out of business. Nobody runs off CEO's who make millions for running companies which haven't made money for years.
            Seems to me some of the recent bailout company execs haven't missed a bonus yet.

            Old and cynical, entropy rules, what was will still be when I'm long gone.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Game Day Prediction:1-0 for the Oilers. Goaltending clinics by JDD and Jimmy Howard. The only goal of the game is by Smid. This will kickstart a tradition of winning every single game that is shown on CityTV.

    Obvious Game Day Prediction: Brownlee will add 'Making lame predictions' to his list of irritants…or has he already?

    Not So Obvious Game Day Prediction: In an effort to shameless draw crouds to the game, Detroit will offer the first 1000 people at the stadium a free Detroit Red Wings jersey Pistons jersey Lions jersey…map. Map Night in Motor City!

  • Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach

    I have no idea what to say. If we win 4-3, if they win 11-2 and both goalies get pulled and we just play with six attackers.

  • Travis Dakin

    Now after the game when Willis does his post game and maybe if Wanye gives us another hooligan story from the future (Europe time) we will have had one very productive day.

    Wait…. I thought Jeanshorts…. oh nevermind.

  • Travis Dakin

    A PhD in theoretical mathematics……

    haha I wonder who the favourite son is.

    "But I made Oilersnation!!!"

    Oh bingofuel….. how do I love what you've done for my life?

    Let your brother count the ways.

  • Bucknuck

    "Frustartion"… I think that is a misspell. But on the the other hand I am MORE than Frustrated… I am devastated, demoralized and feel like weeping when I think about the Oilers. Maybe a new word like "Frustartion" is needed… it kinda has the root word Fart in it and that is what the oil have done in the last five minutes of a lot of games this year… stunk up the joint…