A tale of two Davids

FMNF – Today we want to discuss a pair of Davids.

David #1 – That kid in the movie

With mad respect to our boys at JSBM who found this clip (and probably invented it for all we know) please take a moment to examine the video above. How do you think this David feels? From the looks of him – pretty damn awesome. We have a buddy who pays good money to get that messed up on a regular basis. Good for them both.

David #2 – That guy from the Journal

Now that we have all viewed that fine YouTube clip,  let’s talk about another David: David Staples. How do you think he is feeling today? Probably not as good as David #1 for two reasons. First, he isn’t stoned on laughing gas. That tends to damper one’s mood. Secondly he probably isn’t feeling 100/100 due to the backlash certain folk kicked up on his site yesterday when he reported about JJ possibly coming to visit.

Now we can only assume that the Edmonton Journal website gets 1,458,499 hits per hour regardless of breaking Jaromir Jagr news. So it’s clear that David Staples didn’t write this news to get some brief traffic surge as the collective OilersNation Eye of Sauron™ focused squarely on his story for the bulk of the day.

Instead Mr. Staples wrote this article for the same reason we wrote that article about our pending three way with the Olsen Twins:

We both believe our stories to be true.

He didn’t exactly say that Jagr was already shopping for a condominium in Castledowns and is looking into an annual pass at the Muttart Conservatory now did he? No. Staples said that there is possibility something could occur. There is a big difference. Personally when we read about it we almost did a backflip in our chair. But we have wicked backflip skills so that sort of thing happens all the time.

But sweet Suri Cruise did other people start tripping balls on the guy for having the audacity to report a potential signing of Jaromir Jagr by the local shitanusly mediocre hockey club. Yes, what a jerk he is to give us all the thrill of having something positive to discuss again. These sorts of comments are completely appropriate:

oilerman
bush league reporting my friend
February 10, 2009 2:25 PM

HockeyFan
Man, blogging rumors is so damn easy. Just ask Eklund. And apparently Staples.
February 10, 2009 2:32 PM

Fact #1: We like David Staples so all you haters can fuck off

When everyone else was showing our little website absolutely no love, David Staples wrote an article about us. When we were able to Jedi Mind trick Jonathan Willis into joining our merry band of Gypsies, David Staples wrote about us too. David Staples writing about things that are a bit off the beaten path led a great many of you to find the Nation and helped ignite our white hot love affair with one another. No David Staples, no OilersNation. Believe that.

Fact #2: David Staples is a rarity -– particularly in the North.

davidstaples1

Please take a moment to examine the figure above and note the distribution of David Stapleses in the US. Pay particular attention to how few there are in the North. Do you want our David Staples to pack his stuff and migrate down to the David Staples Mecca that is Florida? Do they deserve a 20th David Staples?

No. Screw Florida.

Fact #3: David Staples is 75 feet tall and has a functioning AM-RAM missile battery at the ready 24/7

staples1

Please take a moment to examine the figure above. You wouldn’t want his laser guided tracking system locking on to your abode or work because he got mad do you? Do you know how long it took us to draw that? Like 20 minutes. Now THAT is a waste of your time. But Staples reporting that there is a possibility Jagr signs Chez Oil isn’t. Ease up.

FMNF

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Can we have another discussion on why we should fire our deadbeat of a coach? Like why would we want to have a coach killer being coached by a player killer? Mark my words Mactavish would have put Jagr on defense, the 3rd penalty kill unit, and would have put Joey Moss on his wing after a bag skate 30 minutes before the game. Mactavish could coach the olympic team and theyd still manage to play 500 hockey while only scoring 2 goals a game.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Travis Dakin wrote:

    FMNF- FOr sure gotta give the respect to Staples. He is EXACTLY how I found this site. When did he write that first article? It’s been so long and so good. I wanted to smash some people making those comments on his blog yesterday.
    But, it was an interesting afterrnoon.
    FMNF

    Same here. No Staples, no Nation goodness for me.

    Wanye Gretz wrote:

    doggie-style D wrote:
    love the drawings! Keep it up!
    By the way, that Arena design was true genius…who did that, anyway?

    Those are a Wanye Gretz Production. All world rights reserved. An autographed version (as always) is available at wanyegretz@gmail.com
    You’re welcome society

    Still have the one Wayne sent me as my desktop background. Very nice!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    – FMNF (Unless Bucky takes over) –

    Whether or not the story had any substance to it, it kept me entertained through a boring day of work yesterday. Thanks Staples 🙂

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I dig David Staples, I'm only worried that the Mighty Oil (who better be mighty cuz' I'm taking my future father in-law to the game) were trying to back door these negotiations and now I'm sure more Tambo wanna bees are ringing Jagr with offers. Cogs to Gags in front to Jags…ohh and Louie snags…damn so close.

    Prediction tonight…4-2 Oilers..Smid actually scores a goal! Book it!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Staples is awesome! Like Daken, he pointed me to this gold mine of a blog (keep up the great work Wanye & Co.).

    Whne I read about it yesterday I read every word. Especially the parts that said it is a possibility, everything and anything is a possibility.

    When others started raggin on him I thought it was a little uncalled for. Come on Oiler fans, it is his job to be a reporter and he wouldn't have posted if he wasn't confident in it.

    I totally respect him and his articles/blogs. His thoughts have credibility with this fan, and to post something of that magnitude with all the bad crap fans have been blowing around lately, it shows he has balls to rock our collectively heads with some potentially NHL worthy news.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    The bulk of Oiler fans are as bi-polar as the team they cheer for. The sooner we accept this reality the quicker we can become efficient at filtering through the overly emotional crap alot of them bless us with.

    Speaking of which, I wonder how many of the guys that went off the deep end on David Staples yesterday were the same guys that called Al Strachan a fraud when he said Pronger wanted a trade out of here?

    I'm not suggesting that Staples' rumour will prove true, I'm just suggesting that stranger things have happened…like Strachan getting one right.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    doggie-style D wrote:

    love the drawings! Keep it up!
    By the way, that Arena design was true genius…who did that, anyway?

    Those are a Wanye Gretz Production. All world rights reserved. An autographed version (as always) is available at wanyegretz@gmail.com

    You're welcome society

  • I'm a Scientist!

    FMNF- FOr sure gotta give the respect to Staples. He is EXACTLY how I found this site. When did he write that first article? It's been so long and so good. I wanted to smash some people making those comments on his blog yesterday.

    But, it was an interesting afterrnoon.
    FMNF