GDB/GDFD 59: La bataille d’Alberta

battlerages

Yeah, so you might say this is a biggie for us.

Wanye Gretz: Ever since our crew personally oversaw the invention of the written word, electricity, hockey, the internet and finally both nations we have had one goal on the horizon. One goal that was so much in the forefront of everyone’s mind that bingofuel actually broke up with his girlfriend this week to make sure nothing distracted him.

For the first time in the 6 billion-year history of the Earth, Oilers fans and Flames fans can come somewhere and chirp at one another during a Battle of Alberta game.

Now just like when playing nude Jenga there are rules here too. No male on male accidental contact for starters. No personal attacks, profanity laced tirades or other offside nonsensery if you please. Is this because we are boring? No. It’s because if we don’t have some rules of engagement we will probably start a war that will eventually end in Red Deer with Kent W and Willis brawling with Klingon Bat-leths over who has the ability to really lay claim to the last initial “W.” But funny/witty commentary? Oh yeah. Pointing out the obvious like the fact that Calgary turned it’s back on all forms of cerebral logic and signed Todd Bertuzzi? Good to go.

And so now I hand it to our colleagues at FlamesNation and see a Wanye Life Dream™ fulfilled. Next to achieve? Three-way with Natalie Portman and Carrie Underwood.

I have waited for this day for over two years!!!!!!
-WG

TLP: Man, I love Battle of Alberta games. The rivalry, the drama, the easiest two points Calgary will earn all season. It’s just magical.

Now, I don’t know how many Oiler fans mosey over to FlamesNation to check out what Kent and I have to say (it’s all really great, believe me!), but since this is being posted on both sides of “The Nation,” I will make certain concessions to our neighbors to the north, namely first explaining myself in a normal way, then dumbing it way, way down for all you clods that can’t get a job in a real city that people want to live in.

Now, let’s be honest with ourselves and say that the Oilers have been going through a bit of a rough patch the past few years in terms of players not wanting to come to your city or stay there, a general manager that was widely regarded as “borderline retarded,” and a coach who lost his team three months ago and still, somehow, has a job.
(Trans.: Edmonton bad! Players hate! Lowe dumdum! Coach mean!)

Meanwhile, Calgary (you might know it by its other name: Not-Loserville) has had its cup run over with success and happiness. Players want to come here, Darryl Sutter makes good decisions, and Mike Keenan.. well, at least he’s not Jim Playfair.
(Trans.: Everyone like! Big wins! Fun times! Happy all day no sad!)

We at FlamesNation understand that you’re probably a fan of the Oilers because of, say, the 1980s. Can’t blame you. We know it’s hard not to root for a winner. But guys, the 1980s were like 30 years ago almost! It’s time to start living in the here and now. And if you want, we’ll even take you in down here if you’re among Edmonton’s best and brightest. We’ve been looking for someone to clean up all the stables down at the Stampede Grounds anyway.
(Trans.: Cup Days gone! Flames fan good! Sweep poop yes?)

Seriously though, the Flames are going to annihilate you.

All my love,
TLP

Kent W: At the conclusion of George Orwell’s 1984, Protagonist Winston Smith comes to the realization that he loves his nemesis – the State. I think that’s about where I’m at with the Oilers these days, although I come by affection more honestly: there was no room 101 or psychological torture required – I just honestly enjoy watching the Oilers play.

I love watching Dustin Penner lumber around. It always brings a smile to my face to think of the draft picks it required to grab him, or his absurd $4.25M/year albatross of a contract.

I giggle when I see the ‘C’ on Ethan Moreau’s chest. It gives me pleasure to check the Oilers ever-full injury list. I laugh whenever I remember that Jeff Drouin-Deslasarasrfasdfsadfasdrsdfs is the only goalie the club has signed through next year.

The negative goal differential, the constantly being outshot, the worse than average special teams, Kevin Lowe’s comb-over; I love it all. MacTavish’s post game press-conferences are frequently delightful. Zach Stortini’s cartoonish countenance and laughable “fighting” style – it’s all good. Oh, and thanks for Curtis Glencross by the way…

I think what I love most, however, is the continued mediocrity. Edmonton doesn’t suck like, say, the Islanders or the Thrashers. There’s always the faint possibility of making the play-offs on the horizon for the Oilers. That chance, however slim, like the distant scent of baking bread to the staring, drives the organization stumbling forward each off-season and trade deadline, salivating and half crazed, desperate for the taste of success.

As such, they’re never a big threat to get any better. To take the big leap. Like a hopeless junkie, the Oilers never seem to reach their “bottom” so there’s never any real chance of a recovery. Blow it up and start anew? Move veterans for draft picks? It’s hard to do when 8th in the conference is spitting distance away, isn’t it?

It won’t bother me if the Flames lose this evening. Calgary is 12 points up on Edmonton and have little to gain by a victory. Edmonton, on the other hand, can scratch closer to the final play-off spot and move another step nearer to becoming a buyer at the trade deadline. And I would love that too.

It’s win-win for me tonight gents. Im going to crack a beer and cheer for every single goal that’s scored.

Sincerely,
Kent Wilson

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I have to agree with the warrior that KLOWE is the teflon don – nothing sticks in regards to his mistakes,
    katz has spent to the cap like 75% of the league and been silent (no strength here), do you think HOSSA in his right mind would take long term money here….. even
    after the financial woes of the USA – especially in pizza town.

    Ender the Dragon can chirp all he wants – but I really think that if the team fails one more season – RX2 is off the chart – gonzo and we will be the Nassau County of the west….. season tickets will drop – and the Allan Watt marketing mind control will have to come up with something other than sign up for oiler season ticket mini paks.

    This is situation critical – the oil need the playoff money and it does not look like this is feasible 50% of the mornings…. are we in 5th, 8th or 10 today ?

    Face it – if the oil tank – KLOWE and Tambo will have to
    come up with non financial incentives to play here as they are capped out and a winning team is something they do not have in hand.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    TSN13 wrote:

    Rangers FIRE RENNEY, maybe the Oilers should pick him up. more loser minds to run the organization.

    And if Avery was on the team – he would be the coach killer – excuses are not allowed – I would like to see Slats behind the bench – have a great run and catch lightning in a bottle with Avery in tow. Slata is definitely in the dictionary under FAT CAT – but I root
    for the asshole because he tells organizations to shove it – his way or the highway….. and he always get paid three ways Sunday – salary, expense, consulting.

    Oilers need a kick ass coach – Torts – plain and simple.
    MacT is fighting for his canine life, and cant afford to play hardball as all the November, December easy points are gone….. maybe the oil should of worn helmets in Jasper – this is all coming back to roost – lack of respect – Oilers are invisible as a .500 team.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Firing your coach at this late stage of the season is a rearranging of the deck chairs. All it does is sends a message to the team and the people/ businesses that support the team financially via sponsorship and season tickets.
    For anyone who thinks MacT is gone this season, give your head a shake. Nothing to say that he won't get a "promotion" upstairs 5 minutes after the Oilers play their last game of the season.
    Don't get me wrong, I am not a supporter of MacTavish. I just do not see the sense in dumping the coach with 15 games left in the season.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Deep Oil:
    I am a little lost in a few of your posts, however I did manage to pick up that you would be in favour of picking up Torterella and Avery. If so, I second that motion. The Oilers are way to soft, and I wonder if the "dressing room Killer" would do more harm than good. I think the Oilers have been in dire need of an SOB for a few seasons now, and while a close knit group is tight, I believe the Oilers are way too cozy knowing that they're still going to get paid at the end of the day. And say what you will about Torterella, at least he's an upgrade over MacT 1) he has a Stanley Cup ring (as a coach) 2) his quotes are just as good as MacT's not quite the dry humour but he loves to throw out the f-bomb 3) rather than throw his team under the bus one by one, he would done it all at the same time so they wouldn't have to wonder "who's next?" 4) he can coach skilled guys and 5) this is a big one – he's not Craig MacTavish. FMNFnFers

  • I'm a Scientist!

    The Oilers are in a bad way right now but there is real hope on the horizon. First, despite the ramblings of Deep Oil: Katz has Deep Pockets. KLowe(n) is on the way out… I liked Lowe as a player; As a GM he was okay at icing an 8-10th place team on a shoestring budget… Unfortunately Lowe is also adept at icing an 8-10th place team on a premium-max-cap-hit-budget. I find it funny that JF Jacques (a late 2nd round pick) has more trade value, despite being a bust, than Schremp… Yet we still keep gambling on smallish right shooting centermen every draft! The team is built wrong and the farm is empty; Yet I believe the health of the franchise is strong. We have a fan base most organizations covet. We have strong ownership. A new building will be built, and young players will eventually live in downtown Condo high rises with pituresque views of the river. The managemnent structure is evolving… I see hope. If we can just draft or obtain a better base of TRULY talented youngsters, the Hossa's of the world may actually sign here instead of just considering it. Our winter city serves as a good deterrent to the kind of players we don't want here anyway… Guys who care about the nightlife more than the game need not apply… I wish the future was now; but try being an Atlanta fan!

    Please build the right way Tambellini… no shortcuts. I'm old enough to remember Detroit rebounding from bad times; and young enough to anticipate Edmonton doing the same!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    *SWAK* Breaker-Breaker *SWAK*

    *SWAK* This Here Tambo, driving the Copper & Blue, come back *SWAK*

    *SWAK* TAMBO AGAIN, Mercy Me, Come back, y'all *SWAK*

    *SWAK* For The Love of All Things… I KNOW this #@$% Radio Works, Come Back *Swak*

    – How W.T. Gets his intel

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Chris:

    Instead of Lowe and MacT taking all the heat, what about the scouting staff. I realize Lowe probably has final say but he's relying heavily on input from Stu MacGregor, Kevin Pendergast and the rest of the scouting staff. I think this is the portion of the organization that needs an overhaul. Best example is the deep '03 draft when we took Pooalot ahead of the likes of Ryan Kesler, Mike Richards, Corey Perry, Shea Weber, etc. Hell, I could've put up a 100pts playing with Crosby.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Chris wrote:

    The Oilers are in a bad way right now but there is real hope on the horizon. First, despite the ramblings of Deep Oil: Katz has Deep Pockets. KLowe(n) is on the way out… I liked Lowe as a player; As a GM he was okay at icing an 8-10th place team on a shoestring budget… Unfortunately Lowe is also adept at icing an 8-10th place team on a premium-max-cap-hit-budget. I find it funny that JF Jacques (a late 2nd round pick) has more trade value, despite being a bust, than Schremp… Yet we still keep gambling on smallish right shooting centermen every draft! The team is built wrong and the farm is empty; Yet I believe the health of the franchise is strong. We have a fan base most organizations covet. We have strong ownership. A new building will be built, and young players will eventually live in downtown Condo high rises with pituresque views of the river. The managemnent structure is evolving… I see hope. If we can just draft or obtain a better base of TRULY talented youngsters, the Hossa’s of the world may actually sign here instead of just considering it. Our winter city serves as a good deterrent to the kind of players we don’t want here anyway… Guys who care about the nightlife more than the game need not apply… I wish the future was now; but try being an Atlanta fan!
    Please build the right way Tambellini… no shortcuts. I’m old enough to remember Detroit rebounding from bad times; and young enough to anticipate Edmonton doing the same!

    IF katz has cash – who's is it MCKESSON's or corporate Rexall from NJ -NY with DK as the front man…. ???

    How do you know he has deep pockets – anyone can throw around corporate cash – just ask Jim Basillie who actually has both personal and corporate $$$$

    Why would you sign in the land of depression with the theme or groundhog day playing in the background – this team is a flipped coin – 50 / 50 – if you are an UFA – this is an island like LOST

    In short – this management structure is FUBARED and an implosion would be benefitical – but then the master plan of batman would have to take a major detour with the boys on the bus.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Barney wrote:

    MacT going to New York at end of season and Craig Simpson taking over Oiler bench.

    Hey !!! Are you a purple Dinosaur??? I swear I saw you on that Tree House Channel….. My 13 month old LOVES YOU!!! Your evidence is oooozing out!! It is written on the wall.. NOT!!!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!! Barney

  • I'm a Scientist!

    W.T. says it will be a sad day in Edmonton when MacT leaves and maybe goes to New York. That is where the "best and smartest" coach will naturally end up.It's not his fault he has to play Toby Peterson on the point on the power play, or get back Marty R. to take over the #1 centre spot when Horcoff goes the other way to Atlanta. W.T. says to look deeper, right into KLowe' eyes. Once KLowe is gone and Tambo can do what he wants, the Oil will be back on top. Until then, W.T. says you probably can't look into KLowe's eyes as he is always hiding from the truth of his performance as a GM.