Top o’ the Morning!

leprechauns1

For once the Edmonton Oilers could point to someone on Rexall Ice that was smaller and more fragile than any of their players. That’s what you get when you inexplicably hire midgets to roll out a green carpet for the national anthem. Words escaped us when this moment occurred but luckily @dantencer was on the ball via Twitter:

“I think the ‘authentic’ leprechauns might scare the kids at the game tonight.”

You, sir, are bang on in your assessment. Ordinarily we would write a few more words about how wrong this all was or make a joke about “St Patty’s day and Christmas –- the two days of the year any midget who wants work can clean up” but no.

Not today.

Today we are all happy because the blasted Oil won a hockey game. Today we are personally extra happy because there we were, in attendance at RX1 hammering back the hockey beers and watching an old man try and fight a prissy dude in a sweater in our section. (true story)

Anyone who knows us will tell you two facts you can set your watch by:

  1. Wanye Gretz is a passionate lover
  2. Wanye Gretz gets drunk at hockey games

An opportunity for #1 didn’t present itself last night, but #2 got done and got done right. We sat there and watched Sheldon “Big Sexy” Souray — now complete with beard *swoon* — go out and intimidate basically everyone on the ice including poor Sam Gagner, who had to be reminded by Coach MacTavish that he had nothing to fear as he and Souray were teammates. It’s sometimes lost in translation on the telematrix, but this Sheldon Souray does a lot of little things right out there on the ice. Things like scaring the crap out of most opposing players, shooting rockets made of fire from the point and causing most of the females in the lower 20 rows to take multiple trips to the washroom to wring out their undies.

But we’re hungover and we’re rambling.

When you lose 39% of the time you also win 61% of the time and today we get to enjoy one of the good ones where we watch the highlights of the shoot out over and over again and contemplate how wise the brass are having picked up Kotalik at the deadline. EdmontonOilers.com seem to think all the problems have been solved too declaring “OT Woes Over!” On a day like today, who are we to argue with this shameless exaggeration of fact?

Happy post-St. Patty’s Day, Nation. Ain’t that right weird Storm Trooper Oiler fans?

starwars_oilfans

Ain’t this team some sort of awesome Wu-Tang Clan?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    The Towel Boy wrote:

    @ Deep Oil:
    What other magical secret boobie traps and hidden “Goonies” type adventures can one find within RX1? Tell me there’s a pirate ship below the ice surface…

    Well I used to sneak in plastic caps, so when I bought a Dasini or coke and they took the cap off, I would just have my secret cap – the thrill of breaking the rules.

    If you know someone with Gold seats, just grab some tickets from your friends in the lounge and then head upstairs to your blue seat friends and they can get into carpet, more attractive puck bunnies and better service.

    Parking – travel across the overpass within Northlands Park to Rexall (by the agricom) and their is secret parking on the west side of RX1 next to the LRT for Oiler brass and admin wives – parking there is great, short walk to the doors – down the escalator in the club lounge…. reason I am revealing this one… is I have a private car service that takes me to concerts and other non hockey events.

    Autographs – just walk down the ramp where the buses park and enter through the silver door – sign in with confidence, wave and the northlands security guard (asleep or watching a small tv) will think nothing more….. helps if you have a wheelchair person in tow -you may use "little people" on March 17 if neccessary, the more confusing the better. Then you are in… but you have carefully watch out for the tv truck, zamboni,
    and head over to visitor dressing room for real hockey players…..

  • I'm a Scientist!

    jeanshorts wrote:

    bingofuel wrote:
    Let the beer come to you,
    Look at Mr. Big Shot here, sitting in his gold plated seats in the lower bowl, eating his diamond encrusted nachos, sipping on a bottle of Cristal, having the beer come to him.
    I’ll enjoy my 30 dollar rafter seats thank you very much. It gets hard to look around Stauffers giant head sitting in the press box all game, but I enjoy it none the less.

    I don't go to the games anymore, sitting down in front of my 60" LG television in HD with my kids is more rewarding with no snow, cold, parking issues for an overtime loss or 9 – 2 blowout…. the value just isn't there – 41 games a year to watch a coach that has been tuned out by overpaid sausages – no thanks.

    Please note having the option to fast forward through Gene Principe groaners is priceless.

    I am chicken wing fan so going to Hudsons, OTR, Moxies, or Shark Club is my big night out – with crown royal, not a CRISTAL fan – that is for vegas at the Palms for the naught nighty…. I will post some photos from last years event on facebook for you boys.

    Take the $10K for the gold seats and go on a few holidays this winter, still have a share in the suite, but the tickets are used by my clients….

    I will have the photos from the Palms up later today…

    Cheers…

  • I'm a Scientist!

    The Towel Boy wrote:

    *quietly and unwillingly mutters “…who saw this coming…” to please his fans*

    YOU WANNA BE FAMOUS DON'T YA??!! NOW LOSE THE TOP!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Sure, the win was great. But yet again we see the oil's absolute inability to score. No forecheck, no system, no power play- excluding a Souray point shot or a Hemsky dangle from the half boards.

    But wait, all our overtime problems are over? Please……

  • I'm a Scientist!

    bingofuel wrote:

    @Deep Oil
    Lines? Deep Oil, stay in your seat and don’t move. Let the beer come to you, otherwise your bladders going to start badgering you to get up and go to the bathroom. If you think line-ups for beer are bad, you must know that trying to take a whiz in RX1 is the worst.

    Sorry, I just used the washroom in our suite when I had tickets, not a fan of the public loo. Too many newfies pissing in the sink if you know what I mean….

    Northlands had one poor lady that actually looked like a man – several complaints from the crowd… Northlands has to learn that a waitress server needs to be uplifting to the corporate crowd with a great set of eyes – these farm boys need to go down south to an American rink where the BUD LIGHT girls give out free samples (sorry this is Canada -AGLC-) with hugs and photos.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    bingofuel wrote:

    Let the beer come to you,

    Look at Mr. Big Shot here, sitting in his gold plated seats in the lower bowl, eating his diamond encrusted nachos, sipping on a bottle of Cristal, having the beer come to him.

    I'll enjoy my 30 dollar rafter seats thank you very much. It gets hard to look around Stauffers giant head sitting in the press box all game, but I enjoy it none the less.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Deep Oil:

    What other magical secret boobie traps and hidden "Goonies" type adventures can one find within RX1? Tell me there's a pirate ship below the ice surface…

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @Deep Oil

    Lines? Deep Oil, stay in your seat and don't move. Let the beer come to you, otherwise your bladders going to start badgering you to get up and go to the bathroom. If you think line-ups for beer are bad, you must know that trying to take a whiz in RX1 is the worst.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    How could so much awesomeivity be packed into one Oilers game?

    1. Sheldon Souray's 20th goal.

    2. Leprechauns.

    3. Clone Troopers.

    4. Old Man fight.

    5. 2nd round pick guy gets the shootout winner.

    6. A Win!

    And there's at least 7 or 8 other points I have forgotten since I started making this list 3 minutes ago.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Wanye how do you get drunk at Oiler games with all the lineups….. are you bringing in your own firewater ?

    Note – to all ON that want to come down to the Oiler club lounge and do not have tickets to get past the NAZI Northlands ushers….. go to the top of the blues
    right side of Rolli – take the stairs down to the bottom and there is a door that opens directly to the club lounge (no security) where the puckgirls looking for free drinks hang out…. I have had to assist many blue ticket holders with this several times for friends that wish to have a bevy without the issues of
    concrete of this cement barn.

    Note – if you are in PHX and wish to get great value on booze, get a suite, a bottle of RUM is $40 and Crown Royal is $60 – a far cry from the ransom at RX1.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    This whole article is the best thing I've read since you mentioned on Twitter that you were going to rub your naughty bits on the glass for Cole (and since no pictures were posted, I'm have to assume that it's what I feared).

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Wanye Gretz wrote:

    @ Shifty203:
    Thank you for tearing yourself away from World of Warcraft long enough to make that comment.
    Kidding.

    BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    this and the wring out their undies quotes totally made my day!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Maybe the little people could be a small step and hire them to be "ice people" and then move forward with ice girls for 2009 – 2010 if there is a team here due to non renewal of season tickets and a drop in corporate advertising.

    The difference this year to last year is the luck of the MACT Irish in overtime – if MACT would of been rubbing his lucky rabbit's foot this year a little harder, this team in spite of it's imcompetence would not be fighting for a playoff spot…

    Biggest con is shelling out $10K to Rexall Sports for 2 playoff dates and the rest of the money being directly applied to your renewal …. if they make the cut….rumor has it there are lots of suites for sublease based on poor play and a fragile economy (there is that word fragile again) – this is done very, very quietly as the OIL get very, very angry when their primary lease tenants sell their suites – OILER SUITE POLICEMAN BOB HAROMY is on the lookout.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Must the beer muddled brain that forgot the resemblance to the Clone Warriors. Funny thing is I too don't remember any team jerseys from the movies… go figure.

    Totally kick ass costumes though, I'd love to have one for Halloween

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Wanye Gretz wrote:

    @ Shifty203:
    I am actually a big Star Wars nerd complete with Queen Amidala pillow case. I stared at those two for awhile and couldn’t figure out what they were.

    Star Wars fan? Or did you just want an excuse to cut a hole in the pillow where Natalie Portmans mouth is?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Shifty203:

    I am actually a big Star Wars nerd complete with Queen Amidala pillow case. I stared at those two for awhile and couldn't figure out what they were.