Water cooler talk


We get vulnerable when we come onto the Nation the day after a loss and see that people are still having to comment on last night’s GDB cause there is no new content. Consider this article “what we would talk about this morning if we worked together in the same office.” Just rambling BS. Feel free to join in instead of working.

No matter what they are trying to tell us over at EdmontonOilers.com the Red Wings did not “edge the Oilers 3-2” last night at RX1. Anyone with functioning eye organs could tell you that the Oil got out to an early lead and got outworked, out shot, outplayed and eventually out scored by the Detroit Red Wings.

The standings

Despite our constant prayers to the Hockey Gods, the Oil hardly are sitting pretty in the standings. It’s tighter than a Tokyo Subway Car right about now in the West. Look!


Ugh. In playoff runs of years gone by you would say to yourself, “yeah man, the Oil were this close. They went 19-3 down the stretch but remember that one loss in there to Phoenix? They totally needed that game.” Now, not so much.

There have been literally a dozen must-win, should-have-won, needed-to-win and didn’t-wins that the Oil have gassed this season. Is last night’s loss going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back? Personally we think the Oil made the playoffs when they beat the Hawks last Friday. We even declared this fact at the top of our lungs at the Nation party. “The Oilersssh have made the playofffsh!!!” we yelled in jubilation firing an imaginary AK-47 in the air and waving our other arm side to side. Imaginary gunfire is just one of the many awesome things about Nation parties.

We are rambling…

If this team makes the playoffs – nay WHEN they make the playoffs – it’s clear they won’t be doing it with the usual head of steam. Except in one regard.



Man, is this guy ever a gamer or what? 46 shots on goal last night? In what, his 46th straight hame? In what, his 57th year on earth? How long can this guy keep it up? Forever? Totally.

*dances in front of desk shooting imaginary AK-47 into the air*

Dudes getting booted out of RX1

Still reading? Good for you. Here is another rambling tale fellow co-worker. We were sitting in the seats at RX1 enjoying reasonably priced $15 beers and some good ol’ boys behind us started to heckle Conklin. Nothing too crazy, just your garden variety “CON-K-LINNNNN” chant that must haunt the dreams of retired NHL goalies years after they hang up the skates. After a few verses of “CON-K-LINNNNN” had been good naturedly screamed, some of the Oilers faithful began doing the old look-back-stinkeye move. You know the move – the old “turn-around-in-seat-and-look-at-the-offender-as-though-he-is-screaming-his-undying-love-for-his-hot-cousin” look. Why do people do this?

You are at a hockey game people. We can see why some people get rattled if the drunk two rows over is screaming his theories about the sexual habits of the opposing teams star defender, particularly if there are little kiddies present. We can also see people getting rattled if it is an opposing teams fan. When the Oil lose, we personally want to go put the boots to every opposing fan who had the balls to wear a Wings jersey to the game. These people should stay home and not grace the hallowed halls of RX1 with their heresy.

But Oilers fans yelling Conklin? Give them the stink eye? Seriously, WTF?


That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. It made even less sense when “the man” showed up and starting giving these die-hard fans some stress. What exactly are you telling us Mr. I’m-a-Security-Guard-now-but-I-tell-chicks-I’m-training-to-be-a-cop? We are supposed to pay the money to get into the game, pay the money to get good and gassed on hockey beers, but not scream and yell?

We will never understand the mandate of these security people or the fans who want to come to a game and listen in complete silence. If you want to watch a quiet game stay home. Or go to a game in Phoenix. It ain’t noisy there.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Deep Thought's, Junkie style:

    Why is the guy in the first picture taking off his pants? No wonder that kid looks a bit terrified!

    It's nice to see the granny puking in the second picture is cooling her head with a beer. She's not gonna let a bit of vomit ruin her buzz!

    Not as insightful but, I tried…

  • I'm a Scientist!

    So do you guys think that the Oilers are going to fire MacT today? How about buying out Penner? Or are we going to make it to the finals…

    *stares off into the distance wondering if i have turned the stove off*

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Quinn:
    I cant believe how bad the Oil are at drafting, I mean I've been eligible since 2001 and nothing so far. They went with some Czech kid who I hear is doing OK, but seriously?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    BTW, I was arguing over on Lowetide the need to use "Outliers" as a textbook for interviewing wannabe hockey players in the draft. Only by doing an in-depth review of family history, gene make-up, jam content, # of hours of practise before the age of 15 and social abilities can we have the best drafts ever. That and a total triumphant stat analysis of the way they walk.

    If the Oil had done this in past years we would have drafted Parise, Franzen, Tavares and Hedman (before anyone else knew about them) and the previously undeveloped talent that is me. We would all then be sitting around watching the Oil score by moving their little finger in the general direction of the opposition net, and winning games 3256 to 2 every night.

    The world would work so much better if I were running it.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    ok, after last night, whiff's title as "Greatest Defensive Forward EVER" has got to go. On Hossa's goal, whiff comes off the bench, looks at Hossa and says nah… I don't have to pick up that guy – what's the worse that could happen? pffffffft…

    Just like him standing there with his mouth open watching the puck rim around the glass resulting in Minnesota's 15 on 1. I mean… come ON.

    Ok, ok, ok – to be fair, Gagner effing choked up the puck at the Detroit blue line and then made a horrific line change. All this just after he had found himself all alone in front of CONNNNNNNNNNKLIIIIIIIIIIIN but instead of shooting, decides he should work on his puck-handling skill for a quick second or five.

    ~deep breath~

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Robin Brownlee:

    Sweet. I look forward to reading it. I bet we could find some volunteers to help you put it together if you need a hand and it would speed things up.

    *sits waiting for Brownlee to assemble a bed so he can then write a nation article. Realizes how bored he really is today. Starts formulating a plan for entertainment*

  • I'm a Scientist!

    When I envision Wanye, I actually saw pictures of that dude in the last picture. That is a level of coolness that cannot be faked. Brilliant.

    I agree on the whole shouting at a hockey game thing. Mind you, living in Calgary and only having the chance to attend games in the library here, I know all about sitting in your seat to golf clap a goal.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Robin Brownlee wrote:

    Yes, I am. And I probably will once I’ve put together the new rack my wife ordered

    When I read this I thought you were going to tell us eyebrow raising stories from you're time moonlighting as a plastic surgeon.

    Robin Brownlee wrote:

    from the Acme Bed Company. Looks easy . . . should have this sucker put together by midnight.

    Imagine my disappointment after I read this…

  • I'm a Scientist!

    If the Oilers worked as hard as Wayne does at finding the most shitaneously awesome pictures for his articles, they would be in first place.

    * Continues to divide time between giggling at the fat rock star kid and the puking grannie.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Wanye Gretz:
    Yes, I am. And I probably will once I've put together the new rack my wife ordered from the Acme Bed Company. Looks easy . . . should have this sucker put together by midnight.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Robin Brownlee:

    It wasn't me actually. But I could hear them telling the guys they were tossing "the Cops are on their way."

    So lame.

    You should really write something today. You are way better at this than I am.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Wayne: So, before they ran you, did they shove you around and call you names in the back room where the guys-training-to-be-cops have coffee or just toss you out on your face?