Western Review and Round 2 Predicto


Round One of the 2009 Stanley Cup Playoffs are in the can and a few things are becoming clear. SJ might have been the biggest waste of a Presidency since GWB’s second term in office. CGY continues to amuse us all with their special kind of suck and VAN might run out of weed if the Canucks are able to move through to the Western Final. Let’s get right to it.

Of all the predictions made for the Western Conference only one man/woman/cyborg was correct in his/her/it’s Round One predictions. That person is:

#28 OvenChicken8 April 14 2009, 1:38 pm.

Ducks in 6. (Joe Thorton adds another dismal playoff showcase with 0g and 6a).

Wings in 4. if Osgood starts / Columbus in 4 if Conklin starts.
(If Conklin starts he gets 2 hat-tricks… against himself).

Canucks in 5. Blues win the first game in O.T. and crash and burn afterwards.

Hawks in 7. Toews scores in game 7 OT to make Calgary relive the agony of losing another game 7.

While the rest of us were busy predicting the Sharks to walk all over the Ducks, OvenChicken8 was calmly predicting Jumbo Joe would suck again and the Ducks would prevail. Now sure, OvenChicken8 didn’t get the games all right, but he was able to correctly predict who won what. And just like in a paternity test – that’s close enough to be correct.

Well played.

Let’s review our picks shall we? We went 3 for 4 in our Western Predictions which ain’t all bad.

Sharks (1) v Ducks (8)- Sharks in 6.

Great Gods of Rock does SJ ever have some issues. How do you run the table the entire season only to fold up shop in Round One? This is clearly one of the larger upsets since a certain team from Northern Alberta went on a dizzying run to the finals in 2006. Anyone remember that? We do….

*forgets Sharks-Ducks analysis completely, day dreams about Fernando wearing a rich and full beard*

Wings (2) v Blue Jackets (7) – Wings in 6.

Sorry Rick Nash. You can now replace “never been in the playoffs” with “made the playoffs once and got trounced by the Wings in the first round” on your NHL resume.

Yep, that was pretty much how that was going to go. Bless the hearts of the Jackets for trying but they were overmatched from the word go. Still, when Nash looks back on his career when he retires as a Blue Jacket, he can fondly remember the one year he made the playoffs and got crushed by the Wings.

Canucks (3) v Blues (6) – Canucks in 7

Holy crap are the Blues terrible. We feel slightly silly for predicting that this series would take seven games to complete. Thanks for being such a pile of suck and allowing the Canucks to walk all over you in four straight games. The only plus? The Canucks have been off for so long they will surely be crushed by the Hawks.

Hawks (4) v Flames (5) – Hawks in 6.

All we know is this:

Calgary so terrible.

There is only one balm for the burn of Oilers fans everywhere who are still smarting from another year without playoffs. That is the soothing sensation of another Round One Flames exit. Misery loves company right Flames Fans?

*smiles smugly as RX1 sits completely empty while the Oilers themselves have scattered around the world for the offseason, gigantic paychecks in hand*



If you ask us – and nobody ever does – the Western Conference is now basically a question of how fast will the Wings roll everyone. Let’s not kid ourselves here. We can’t see anyone preventing the Wings from advancing to the Stanley Cup finals. They are just that good right now.

Wings (2) v Ducks (8)

Is Ryan Getzlaf a stud? Yes. Do the Ducks refer to Corey Perry as “Worm?” Yes. Does Jonas Hiller have a strange and disturbing manner of dancing in the club? Yes. Will any of these facts save the Ducks against the juggernaut that is the Wings? No.

Wings soooo good.

Detroit in 6.

Canucks (3) v Hawks (4)

This is an interesting series that really could go either way. Admittedly we know very little about either of these two teams will stack up against one another. Fortunately we could care less. In the absence of having any real intuition on the series we will pick the Hawks, if for no other reason than we know our hippie brother in Vancouver will read this and will immediately text us various threats.



Hawks in 7.

El Drafto Incrediblo

OilNxtYear – not only are you in first place right now but you have faith that the Oilers will redeem themselves next year. Or you simply suggest the Oilers will be in the league next year. Cryptic name aside one thing is clear – you are leading after round one at the draft. We are close – only about 150 players back. Watch for OilersNation OMG to slingshot past you on the back of our work horse Alexander Ovechkin.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Wanye Gretz wrote:

    @ baggedmilk:
    Your prediction commentary is hands down my favorite. Why they fired you at ESPN is still beyond me.
    Hint: Sexual aggression related.

    Unfortunately for me, the predatory actions on my part towards ESPN mega hotness Erin Andrews did not go unnoticed. With good behavior the restraining order might be lifted, and her garbage will be mine to explore once again.

    *Patrick Kane cries in approval*

  • I'm a Scientist!

    and why is buddy's girlfriend the one wearing the Wife Beater? And she's also the one wearing pants! I wouldn't be surprised if his name was Ben Dover.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ baggedmilk:

    Your prediction commentary is hands down my favorite. Why they fired you at ESPN is still beyond me.

    Hint: Sexual aggression related.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    that dude in the picture looks like a brown haired version of Kevin from Wonder Year's older brother Wayne.

    "look at me scrote! I'm touching the Cup and peeing in my pants all the while my eyes are closed!"

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Hawks in 6 and Patrick Kane points to Denis Savard in the crowd while weeping uncontrollably.

    Wings in 6 powered by the ginger beard of Johan Franzen, and a lifetime supply of beers and smokes and cod from Dan Cleary.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Van in 6; the Nucks have Luongo and are well rested. The Hawks on the other hand have just come off a very physical and emotional series. I'm not cheering for the Cansucks but Luongo needs to go deeper into the playoffs in order to be ready for the 2010 Olympics.

    Detroit in 5; The Ducks beat the Sharks in the playoffs, so what? Who hasnt? Nobody on the Sharks besides a geriatric Lemieux has ever accomplished anything. Detroit is too good from top to bottom to be beat down by Anaheim.

    I want to see somebody elbow Perry and Pronger in the face.