Mob beatings and Draft Standings

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Holy crap. The 2008-09 season ends and within seconds the MSM and blogosphere – half crazed from a lack of anything legitimate to discuss – turns on themselves and on each other like a pack of rabid zombie wolves.  If you can’t be bothered to dig through the 14,508 comments of late on here and read all of the fun we have made a handy guide we call the Who Hates Who Diagram  Feel free to use it as a handy reference until something interesting happens and we have real news to discuss:

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There. Now we can all remember what is going on and what side we are on. You’re welcome society.

The Sedin Brothers

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While everyone is schoolyard brawling, our real enemies are being allowed to operate with complete impunity. A report from some Swedish website has the Sedin Brothers asking for identical 12-year $63 million dollar contracts from whatever team “clever” enough to sign them.

You have to be kidding right? Even Charles Wang must look at this contract offer and think “wow, if this is the marketplace I am so happy I have my star netminder locked up until the year 2819.” The Sedins agents have the balls use Hank Zetterberg in Detroit as a contract comparison for these two Gremlins? How on Earth does that work exactly? Just because they are all Swedes doesn’t give them comparable market value.

Using that sound logic we are going to demand (insert something stupid with similar flawed reasoning) and laugh heartily as people rush to meet our demands.

$126 million for the Sedins. Pfft. What’s next? $4.25 MM per year for this here goof?

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Oh.

El Grando Draft Finale

The emails have gone out to the winners asking for snail mail addresses. The close-but-no-cigar-set have emailed us here at OilersNation World HQ explaining how a disallowed goal in G2 of the Canucks and Blues series should actually have counted and asking the courts for an additional point in the draft. No dice chumps.

When all the dust settled your champion draftee is DkrebaTeam – a three point winner over the pack of wild zombie dogs that made up the top 20 draft teams. Picking Matt Carle and Sammy Pahlsson and still winning the draft shows us a certain level of intelligence not previously detected on the internet. Congrats on winning a thousand dollar gift certificate to Hudsons (!)

1. DkrebaTeam 201 Pts

Evgeni Malkin
Sidney Crosby
Ryan Getzlaf
Daniel Sedin
Henrik Sedin
Henrik Zetterberg
Jonathan Toews
Brian Rafalski
Nicklas Lidstrom
Scott Niedermayer
Kris Letang
Matt Carle
Samuel Pahlsson

The Prize Winning Also Rans

2. Savages 198
3. beast of the east 196
4. hockeynut 193
5. Crunch 192
6. Saints 189
7. teamname 188
8. Squirrels 188
9. PIL 188
10. Heisler 187
11. Chrisbrugh Penguins 186
12. Pittsburg 186
13. WorstTeamEver 183
14. krunk67 183
15. Team Awesome Kickass 183
16. Wii not fit 182
17. no teeth 182
18. Road Warriors 181
19. FightingFoo 181
20. team cob 180

Congrats to all of the winners noted above. You should have received an email from our crew of pirates asking for some contact details. A big thank you to Hudsons Canadian Taphouse for believing in the draft and supplying us with all the prizing. 1036 entries – we blew the doors off our expectations (3 entries) and had a lot of fun in the process. We are going to roll out a new draft for next season and will be giving people the ability to host their own drafts using our site as well.  Any other suggestions on how we can improve the draft for next year?

The game within the game

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It won’t get us a G at Hudsons this summer but with the absence of any of our fellow Nation writers entering the draft – despite repeated pleas on our part – neither Willis, nor Brownlee nor Gregor took a moment from their hectic schedules to enter the draft.

As a result we declare ourselves to be the Nation Staff Writer Playoff Draft Champion 2009.

Look at us in that picture. Counting our money, flossing our ice. Yes, this heady victory will will arm us with plenty of ammunition for the entire summer as we are repeatedly fact checked by our fellow contributors.

Gregor: “Wanye – you can’t be serious when you wrote that piece of garbage yesterday right?”
Wanye: “Sorry Gregor, we can’t hear you with the electronic draft championship plugging our ears”

Brownlee: “If you write any of that usual garbage you pass off as an article I am going to deal with you myself.”
Wanye: “Is that a fact Brownlee? I will use my feelings of superiority from beating you in the Playoff Draft to shield myself from your punches”

Willis: “Wanye – were you kidding when you wrote that JF Jacques should be penciled in for a 50 goal season next year?”
Wanye: “You tell me Willis. Were we kidding? Better yet don’t. Cause we totally rolled you in the playoff draft.”

Yeah, its going to be a sweet long offseason. Traffic is up, mob beatings are up, we are a draft champion of sorts even though we came in 735th place overall.