Rolling with Wanye I

wanyetencer

Rolling with Wanye is so often a hilarious confluence of random and strange occurrences that it’s a wonder I don’t do it more often. But as some of you will note, Wanye Gretz is an elusive and enigmatic dude. Tracking him down, making sense of him, indeed having a conversation with him outside of topics like “Is Megan Fox the younger version of Angelina Jolie and is she ruining Angelina’s career?” is damned near impossible. And I have been friends with him since Grade three.

For all his bravado, Wanye’s an oddly reclusive guy in real life. But I wasn’t going to let this deter me from dragging him out with me on Saturday evening.

“Wanye,” I called him up and said. “You keep saying you’re going to do a podcast for OilersNation.”

“What’s it to you, you glorified comments moderator?” he responded with typical aplomb.

“Well, you don’t know shit about squat. So let’s plant some edumacation in that over-sized brain pan of yours.”

I told Wanye I was going to pick him up and bring him to the inaugural recording of my personal podcast, a project I’ve taken on with my pal Scott. We were recording the podcast at 630 CHED studios, where Scott works.

Wanye seemed quite reluctant to go somewhere where he ran an outside chance of having to talk OilersNation with anyone “in the media.” He strangely compartamentalizes his two personalities and stressed that the only people he wants to talk hockey with is you guys, the readers of the site. Beyond this he remains strangely mum.

After considerably more arm-twisting, I eventually convinced Wanye to leave the shadowy corner of the garage he sleeps in and meet my co-host in the name of learning the podcasting game. Which we all need to continue to pressure him to do on his own, right gang?

Anyways, when we arrived and Scott and I prepared to record our show, Wanye realized he had left his precious blackberry in the OilersNation Mobile Command Unit™.

“Bingofuel, may I have the key to your filthy, rusted-out Honda so I can get my phone?”

To which I responded: “You knob. Now Scott and I have to come with you because the door locks automatically behind you on the weekends. FINE.”

So we wasted some more time trudging through the station and out through the front door.

And this is where it gets positively outstanding.

As we make our way to the front of the building, who should come in but Mr. Daniel Alfred Rudiger Von Tencer III. The man behind the post-game radio broadcasts for the Oil. These two ~er, hockey talking types?~ walked right passed each other, like two gloriously clueless ships in the night, unaware who the other was. I looked on with suppressed glee, as I recognized Dan from his photo on his blog.

I didn’t tell Wanye this had happened until after I’d finished recording the podcast. He looked pleased that this had occurred without either party’s knowledge.

Then last night Dan Tencer said this on Twitter:

“@WanyeGretz @bingofuel Holy crap…that was you guys at the station? I can identify the elusive Wanye!”

Upon reading this, Wanye was filled with a flavorful mix of rage and glee. “That’s the last time you get me out of Wanye Manor, Bingofuel.” He cryptically texted me last night “Wanye Gretz is for the people, Wu Tang forever!”

He then vanished in a puff of red smoke. I haven’t seen him since.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I have received word that Wanye has been working on his evasion tactics by training with elite Yakizono Ninja warriors in the northern hills of Hatchimantai in Japan. You will never see him again…until just before your death at the hands of his Ninja Claw!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Archaeologuy wrote:

    Is this the part where Wanye reaches behind his head and rips off his mask to reveal that he is actually Dan Tencer.
    *Mind. Blown.*

    OH. MY. GOD.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    The only analogy I can draw…and it's a bad one…is to a cop in a serial killer movie. You know, the one where he's having coffee at a diner chatting with the guy next to him, who turns out in the end to be the killer.

    For the rest of his life, the cop thinks: "Damn. I missed my chance."

    Now that I've scared him off, the chances are slim that I'll ever be able to meet Mr. Wanye and congratulate him in person for all of his great work in Paint.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Great article, great picture. Man, you guys are just on fire lately. I am loving this website. It's probably for the best that Dan and Wanye didn't make eye contact, because I'm pretty sure there's something in Nostradamus about bad things happening if they do.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    By far best picture ever!!! LOL. But I thought that, just like Bruce Wayne, Gretz was known to show face at his various charity events across the fair city?!