Three things we can’t wrap our minds around

complex

What do you do when it’s the middle of the off season and you are supposed to talk Oilers 24/7? What if there is no Oilers news? What if all of a sudden the site has grown again and now 21,000 people have visited the website in the past two days wanting to read Oilers related somethings and only that?  We can’t handle this kind of pressure! You people are animals and y-

*starts to cry*

There are several approaches to solving this weighty problem today July 8, 2009:

You can go for volume

eklund

We had never heard about this Eklund until Willis wrote that article about him. Let’s be honest, an old guy throwing out Nashville Predator trade rumors with an undecipherable (E-something) rating system isn’t exactly the kind of thing that makes ol’ Wanye get up in the morning and race to his compumatrix. Now turn him from an old guy into a hot lady, give her a nice rack and put her in a scenario where the pizza delivery guy needs to be paid for the pizza and make a movie about it. Then we will be paying rapt attention each and every day.

We have heard and read a lot of people hating on this nice Indiana Jones looking chap and couldn’t really understand the nature of the vitriol. Having been to his site and looked around we don’t see anything that is really deserving of all this hatorade but we also don’t get his schtick. For the life of us we can’t wrap our minds around why this dude just pumps out fake trade rumors all day long. There are lots of different NHL related things to talk about in the day. Why just focus on this?

We are having a hard time wrapping our brain around reporting on the Oilers 24/7. Can you imagine trying to report on TRADE RUMORS 24/7? Of course he has a 0.000014% accuracy rating. If he reported the trades as they were to occur he would post about 20 articles all year long.

You can watch the poll

wtf1

And you can similtaneously curse the day Mr. and Mrs. Heatley knocked boots over a box of red wine and an 8 track cassette of Air Supply.

You want Dany Heatley to come to Edmonton still? What in the sweet holy hell are we doing here Nation? This used to be 73% No and 27% percent Yes! Now the Yes’ are winning? Are you that desperate? Do any of you have sisters that are that desperate? Cause if you do tell them to hit us up at twitter.com/wanyegretz and we will put them to good work acting out a play about a pizza delivery guy who needs to get paid for his pizza.

Great Gods of Hockey – we just can’t wrap our minds around why anyone in these parts would be cheering for Dany Heatley to do anything except get creamed by a bus. Please people who voted “Yes to Heatley being an Oiler” in the past 48 hours. Explain what has happened to make you think “yeah, you know what – I DO want this unbelievable douchebag to wear the Copper and Blue. I don’t care how much of a train wreck he is or how little regard he is showing for his current club. Things will change once he gets HERE by gum!”

Seriously though, please explain.

You can talk bullshit and wait

Have you ever seen this video which was picked up by sewer snakecam in North Carolina? It’s 100% real and mad disgusting. Some brainy interweb types are saying that it is a clump of annelid worms but we think it looks more like how we imagine Lauren Pronger looked before she assumed human form, exited the sewers and began to seek a human mate. We have watched this a few times and we have not been able to wrap our minds around it either.

Until something happens of note, may this video haunt your dreams.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I had little to no opinion of Eklund until he told me that Smyth signed here long term and I left my computer happy. I returned to the Computer after giving a presentation i pieced together with Eklund like sources only to see that he had made the whole thing up.
    Eklund is dead to me now. I got an A on the presentation but the drive home from the University was sad that day.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I vote for Heatley because it has been what 12 years since someone of the copper and blue scored 39 goals. And that is an off season for heater. I will put up with a lot of crap for a bit of that.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ Hemmertime:

    I would reject him based on the fact that he has acted like a total douchewarrior by demanding a trade and then not accepting the only good trade offered. It's not about rejecting Edmonton at this point for me.

    It's the warning flag thrown up by a player who clearly thinks so highly of himself he's not willing to compromise even the slightest to help EITHER team that's interested in him.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Oh, and everything is pretty much Murrays fault in my opinion. He was the one who fked this up big time, devalued his player – and leaked everything to the media.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    He scores goals, we need a goal scorer. On ice product is the reason we want Heatley. The rest be damned, at least until he actually rejects Edmonton or says something to the media as to why.

    Till then, would you reject a 50 goal scorer based on media speculation, or would you trust your two tenured coaches to be able to do their jobs? I'll take the later.