You want more Heatley?

heatleyblvd

OK we get it. The only thing that is on the minds of Oilers fans these days are the following three questions:

1) Is there any news on Dany Heatley?
2) Is Dany Heatley coming? What if the Oilers threw in Nilsson? Would that help?
3) How about now? Any Heatley news?

We have been inundated with commentary, twitters and even a couple emails from people wanting to know something- anything about possible Heatley news. No matter how small the news may be. Well, there is none at the present time.

We even went so far as to email Robin Brownlee:

Wanye: “Is there anything on Heatley? Everyone is getting pretty antsy.”
Brownlee: “Beat it kid.”

So there you have it. In the absence of real news here is some video content to keep us all happy until something happens.

CONTENT

It’s easy to think that at this stage of the game in the Dany Heatley negotiations, Oilers fans are the only people who are looking to smash anything Heatley related into smithereens. Sorry, we mean the 45% of Oilers fans who still have their heads screwed on straight (see poll) and don’t want him to bring his circus act to town.

In any event – Sens fans hate him too, often with hilarious results!

You can’t beat an angry Senator fan possessing the with the ability to do voiceover work. The synchronized breathing is a particularly nice touch.

A delicious Heatley BBQ. This may lack the quality audio of the preceding clip, but 80s band lyric-less rock muzak soothes our tattered nerves. There is also something satisfying about watching a mini-jersey melt on the grill.

Here is a borderline interesting interview with The Man himself. It also offers an interesting look at the house in Kelowna where K-Lowe and Tambo were forced to get down on their knees and beg on our behalf. We are sure the house is now surrounded by Oilers and Sens fans lurking in the shrubbery and looking for furniture to torch – but here is how it looked in better days.

Apparently the guy also wrote a book, classily titled “Dominant Dany Heatley.” We suppose that “How to make blood enemies and influence people” didn’t have the same cachet with the 8-11 year old set. In this ego stroking segment Ian Mendes and some lady fawn and gush over Heatley, awarding him the Peabody Prize, the Pulitzer prize and the Field Prize for Mathematics in the process. Former Oiler Luke Richardson also makes an appearance, fresh from porno rehersals it would seem. Nice moustache and collar combo Luke.

So there you have it you Heatley Jackals. The only fresh content on all of this BS you will find on the interwebs or your money back via certified cheque!*

*Cheques will not be valid

We feel so dirty. And not for the usual reasons.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Chris wrote:

    You heard it here first:
    Sources are reporting that Joe Thorton will likely be an Oiler before the summer is through.
    Annonymous sources close to the team at OilersNation.com are reporting that the San Jose Sharks intend to “clean house” and (Joe) Thorton is “coming here” (Edmonton).
    It is no secret that Oilers GM Steve Tambellini is actively seeking a top six forward. Earlier this month, Danny Heatley stunned the hockey world when he refused to waive his no movement clause in a deal that would have seen him traded to the Oilers in exchange for forwards Dustin Penner and Andrew Cogliano, as well as defencemen Ladislav Smid. Though Tambellini has publicly stated that the deal is “still on the table” Heatley’s continued hesititation has led to rampant speculation that Oilers Management is proceeding with a “Plan B”. Many believe that Tambellini is trying to broker a three way deal that would see the original package of Oiler players go to Ottawa, Heatley to San Jose, and Thorton, in turn back to Edmonton. It is widely believed that Joe Thorton would welcome the opportunity to play in a Canadian market.
    Sources within both organizations remain tight lipped, but have been working the phones feverishly; particularly in Edmonton where the focus is on landing billionaire pharmacy giant Daryl Katz his “big fish”
    Excitement is growing amoung the fans; and there is the sense that a deal is imminent. Oilers President Kevin Lowe in response to this growing optimism remained non-commital saying only, “Expect the unexpected.”

    So that's what, a C3, C4?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    David S wrote:

    Sources are reporting that Joe Thorton will likely be an Oiler before the summer is through.

    Aww damn, and I wanted Joe ThorNton.

    Fake? 😛

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Chris wrote:

    @ heavyd:
    (Ottawa sent Penner back)

    Due to the presence of Carrie Underwood and Hilary Duff, there is a strict 'No Fatties' policy with the Sens.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Hemmertime wrote:

    Cmon, Id pay to watch
    Heatley – Thornton – Hemsky
    Sesito – Eberle – Pisani
    as our top 6 for just 1 season

    It would be nice but your dreams are dashed as Sesito has been traded.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Smokin' Ray wrote:

    heavyd wrote:
    Gregor is saying its 110% done.
    Not sure why you would want to discredit Gregor?

    Buddy do you live under a rock. He sayed that it was 110% that Heatly got traded here. I was making a joke about it. No big deal.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I don't like the Joe Thornton trade.
    There's no questioning Joe's on-ice talent, but he's a me-first player. He's shown that repeatedly. Fans determined to welcome him will be disappointed when it turns out he's the wrong guy for this team.
    The Oilers are better off without him.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Robin Brownlee wrote:

    I don’t like the Joe Thornton trade.
    There’s no questioning Joe’s on-ice talent, but he’s a me-first player. He’s shown that repeatedly. Fans determined to welcome him will be disappointed when it turns out he’s the wrong guy for this team.
    The Oilers are better off without him.

    Who do you like then? You don't like Heatly, you don't like Thornton.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    @ heavyd:
    I think Brownlee was making a funny by giving the exact same speech you would expect him to give regarding Heatley. That woosh sound above your head was not a plane.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Quite frankly, I'm confused about all of this Heatley stuff. Tambellini has gone on record saying the Oilers had to be a tougher team to play against. The local media has bashed this team repeatedly for being too soft over the last 2-3 seasons. So my question is this. Why Heatley and why not Thorton? Heatley has a laser of a shot but isn't he in the same size category as our undersized forwards now? Thorton at least brings more of a physical presence with some soft hands.

    It seems the Oil brass are just as confused to what style or direction this team needs to go in. They want the free wheeling style but can't crash the net to save their lives. They don't have the talent levels to light it up so play a tougher style. Plain and simple. I'd take Thorton over Heatley for the size if anything.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Robin Brownlee wrote:

    I don’t like the Joe Thornton trade.
    There’s no questioning Joe’s on-ice talent, but he’s a me-first player. He’s shown that repeatedly. Fans determined to welcome him will be disappointed when it turns out he’s the wrong guy for this team.
    The Oilers are better off without him.

    Classic F*ckin Brownlee.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Thornton would solve ALOT of our teams needs right now with one move.

    He's 55.4% in FO circle, is (IMO) the league's best passer right now, is a monster on the PP, and allows us to move Horcoff to more of a shut down center role.

    So let's see:

    3rd line center who can win FO -Check (Horc)
    Top Tier talent – Check
    Improved PP – Check

    If this goes through, and a couple minor moves to shore up the PK (which will be better with a rested Horc, and full seasons from Pisani and O'sully) our roster is starting to look pretty good.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Oilerguyforlife wrote:

    @ scorecoff hemmercules:
    LOL sorry I hate those things not to mention I’m on my iPhone and it’s a pain in the ass

    Yeah, me too, I'm on my IPHONE, my brand new IPHONE making comments, I'm so glad I have this IPHONE, it's friggen sweet. Did I mention I have an IPHONE?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    At 1:29 of the Dany Heatley's house video I came to a sudden realization… Even his hair can't stand him and is beginning to leave… Was that the small part of him that was actually considering going to Edmonton? Has it already left?

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Maybe we can get Sakic to ask for his release, then come out of retirement, only to lose him as Colorado trades him to the Islanders, but then the year after, he decides to come to Edmonton after a long, drawn out process to see if his back will hold up for another season.