We wish we could have the professional detachment of a Jason Gregor or Robin Brownlee, particularly when the Team puts up a brick of a game like they just did against the Columbus Blue Jackets. But we don’t – as shown with the tears superimposed over a blue background in the drawing above.
Rather than looking at the brutal post game highlights, a question instead: have you seen that new Honda ad that compares buying a Honda to your favourite NHL team imploding? The one where that fat guy sits on the couch and cries as the announcer says things like "it’s fun, not like when your favourite team traded your favourite player."
We don’t know how exactly the market researchers at Honda decided that Oilers fans are the primary target market to try for vehicles at this stage of the game but screw off.
Rather than looking at the brutal post game highlights, another question instead: if Aaron Johnson is the answer, then the question must have been "It’s 2016. To stump everyone on Earth except Jonathan Willis, what Oilers defenseman once collected 4 points in 6 games before disappearing in the 2010 offseason and hasn’t been mentioned again until RIGHT NOW?"
No one looks more surprised by his output than Aaron Johnson. This tells us "PASS."
The sole positive related thing about the Oilers right now is the fond rememberances of the OilersNation party that went down on Saturday night without a hitch. Jason Gregor has given up booze for lent and left before your ol pal Wanye had enough booze in him to give him the business. But we had a blast as per usual with some of the Citizens of the Nation, some of whom were veterans of the scene and some were NationParty Virgins.
Many were present to witness the Oilers lose to the Leafs and watch us perform our NationParty ritual:
- Show up.
- Witness Oilers immediately start losing.
- Fire up WanyeLiver.
- Tell Amber McCormick all of our problems, mostly relating to the Oilers.
Rather than looking at the brutal post game highlights, we shall discuss something more fun and will give you a quick breakdown of some of the folks in attendance, so you can better know some of the gang:
Celebrity look alike: Sort of like George Parros of the Ducks. Yes Nation, Dakin has a moustache that luxurious and verdant. We didn’t know what to make of it either, so we left our commentary until tonight when Dakin is way the hell in Ft Mac and can’t do anything about it.
What kind of fan is he? Dakin is the guy who will watch the game silently, witnesses a broken play or some other monstrosity only to slowly shake his head from side to side, rather than blurt out a string of swearwords like we so often do. Classy.
Brief synopsis: Dakin rolled up in the Pint with buck75 way before the game started in order to get a jump on the rest of us hooch wise. This proved to be amateurish, as we rolled in with our street team of rappers and music producers and quickly overtook him in the beer department. But unlike ourselves, Dakin can hold his drink quite nicely and was a beauty all evening.
ENDER THE DRAGON
Celebrity look alike: Sort of like Commander Will Riker, but mostly because Ender has a beard and at some point in the night we thought this idea was hilarious. Then we went to tell Ender, but he had already left. Many of our bright thoughts occur late in the evening.
What kind of fan is he? ETD is the guy who will watch a brutal goal against the Oilers, will sit back in his chair, take a sip of his drink and muse aloud "the Oilers would be way better if …" and then proceeed to suggest a course of action that would actually improve the team considerably. We would often helpfully respond with "YOU ARE SHO RIGHT ENDER, SHO RIGHT."
Brief synopsis: Ender has been our party accomplice two nights in a row now and he has proven on both evenings to be a tremendous chap. We would take stoppages in play to discuss theories and suggested courses of action for the team and would both smash heartily on the table to make our respective points.
Celebrity look alike: Sort of like Raffi Torres without the bug out eyes and sort of like this guy interviewing Raffi Torres, who is impossibly is Raffi Torres, or possibly buck75 himself.
What kind of fan is he? B75 is the type of guy that watching this kind of crap hockey actually makes fun. He would watch the Oilers surrender the puck in the neutral zone, blink a couple of times and bring up an unrelated story that would force us all to laugh, though we were witnessing the same deplorable brand of ice hockey.
Brief synopsis: b75 kept the magic going all night long in the partying department, which impressed us to our very socks. He also watched the second half of HNIC, muttering something about seeing "some real hockey played that night."
Celebrity look alike: Sort of like that guy Michael Douglas plays in Wall Street, mostly because he was wearing a suit at the party which didn’t seem all that impressive to him, but was to us.
What kind of fan is he? Freeze was pulling double duty back and forth between our crew and his own folk but we can recall him getting involved in a riotous debate about which player should be named the Captain of the Oilers when Ethan Moreau is finally punted off the team. He made some good points, namely refuting our proposal to "force the new Captain to kill Moreau as his first duty in the new job."
Brief synopsis: Freeze has also hit up back to back parties and even went so far as to force several cohorts of his to attend the party though they had just been at some variety of big wig convention and was dressed to the nines. He then proceeded to regularly ditch said big wigs to come over and witness us bawling at the top of our lungs and screaming "WHY?????" at the television.
FINALLY SOME HIGHLIGHTS
If you are really in the need of some sort of game summary/highlight package and cannot wait for Willis, we had considered posting it below. But we thought we would post this montage of horrific sports injuries instead.
It is marginally less painful to watch than acual Oilers game footage and has some charming song with whistling in it.