Happy St. Patrick’s Day Nation. May the something something of the something always light your way of something.
This is the day on your calendar when everyone pretends to be Irish or pretends to be drunk and awesome, or in the case of Conan O’Brian actually be Irish and awesome and have the right to rub it in everyone’s face this day above all others.
This is the day when we fish our old Boston Celtics hat out of the back of the closet, throw ‘er on the the old brain garage and go out to face the world. We drove past the Druid on Jasper Avenue about 45 minutes ago and they are already lined up out the door.
We then stopped and bought a sixer of Bud Lights and are sitting at OilersNation HQ trying to cook up some sort of Irish Angle and write an article about St. Patrick’s Day and link it back to the Oilers, losers of 46 of their last 43 games after last night.
Here goes. Ahem:
CONSIDER POOR PATTY O’SULLIVAN
Oh Patrick. What has happened to your NHL game that brought you here such a short time ago under such optimism by most Oilers fans including ourselves?
*shakes head sadly*
Last year our Irish Superstar was potting goals for the Kings at a rate of 0.20 per game and hasn’t really dropped off that far; his 10 goals in 65 games has him at 0.15 goals per game. His point production hasn’t followed off all that far either, 43 pts last year in 81 games has him at 0.54 points per game. His 31 points in 65 games this year has him at a similar 0.48 PPG.
At first blush it would seem that the Oilers have got exactly the player they thought they traded for when they swapped with the Kings at the end of last year. Then why is it we are always underwhelmed when we think about his play this season?
More importantly at at $2.388 million per season is this a player the Oilers want to keep around past his option year next year?
Something just doesn’t sit right with us when we think about this guy in the long run. Most nights he is a ghost on the ice – and an expensive ghost at that. For $2.4 million a year we say "PASS" on ol’ Patrick – him being Irish and St. Patty’s day or not.
CONSIDER POOR PAT QUINN
Oh Patrick. How pumped are you that Daryl Katz and Company lured you out of a luxurious retirement with the promise of taking the helm of an emerging team of young guns?
*shakes head sadly*
What are you like the 5th most winningest coach in winning NHL coaching history? Did you ever think that in your 1,300 plus career wins you would encounter a team this crappy? You coached the Leafs man! THE LEAFS! Why do you need this drama in your life?
You poor bastard, we actually feel for you behind the bench this year. We also think it is a testament to your coaching skill and reputation that even though the Oil are this brutal we haven’t seen a single person call for your head.
Chin up Patrick. Things will improve if you stick around.
PITY POOR JASON O’GREGOR
How has this guy given up booze for Lent?! We have a plan to bbm him every hour on the hour starting at 5 PM and ending at 5 AM tomorrow morning wishing him all the very best from the Irish folk around the world.
PITY POOR WANYE O’GRETZ
We only have 3 beers left before we are done the working day.
Stay safe Nation, call a taxi to get back home tonight.
Remember the guys who made the ghost ride the whip video we all love so much? Our main man Adam is at it again, this time making a follow up video to the commerical he made for Doritos last year. This year’s entry involves a man named Chips MacTavish, so its message should resonate with all Oilers fans from coast to coast.
Adam needs views on YouTube to win this contest and a grand prize valued at one hundred million dollars* so let’s all do him a favour and watch this several hundred times each. The man invented ghost riding the whip Nation, it’s the very least we can do.