NEW BOYS: MONETIZATION

Alright. Now that they are under lock and key it’s time to start making some money off these kids. Cue the tidal wave of jersey sales as the Oilers announced the triumvirate of Eberle, Paajarvi-Svensson and Hall in front of an unfinished show home in an undisclosed part of Edmonton.

That whooshing sound you can hear this morning is the collective sigh of relief from the apparel stores in Edmonton that had been responsible for selling Oilers Jerseys since the Cup run of 2006. We can’t imagine it has been a particularly lucrative business these past few years. Sure a Liam Reddox jersey will sell but (insert some sort of fact here)

But with the announcing of three separate superstuds at once? We have to imagine the good times are about to roll.

As Oilers fans how can we help ourselves? Who do you pick? Do you go with the sure win and take a Hall Jersey? Do you make the jersey name bar people work for it and demand a Paajarvi-Svensson? Or do you go with Eberle? It simply boggles the mind!*

This has the makings of a bandwagon starting to fill up come October, when hundreds of Oilers fans who haven’t seen the light of day in three years start to come out of the woodwork and begin armchair quarterbacking this team anew.

Numbering three new players at once is just the greatest marketing gimmick we have seen since they started dressing special edition DVDs in cute little outfits. OMG are you for reals? Saturday Night Fever comes in a disco suit? Look it it’s little gold chain! Is that a fur collar on the Top Gun flight jacket?! SQUEEEEE!

We’ll take 110 Eberle Jerseys please.

FINAL NOTE

WHO IS THIS SKINNY RAKE OF A MAN WEARING A ROBIN BROWNLEE MASK?

*no it doesn’t**

** yes it does