GDB XLVIII: Take 48!

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, The Hockey News issued its annual predictions for the 2009-10 NHL season.  If you had asked us back then what the outcome would be against the Avalanche – slotted in at 14th in the West – we would have laughed heartily, then looked you dead in the eye and said “it’s a win. Book it.” Then we would have slapped you in the face for asking such stupid questions and afterwards taken your sister out for a steak dinner.

Fast forward six months and the world looks slightly different than it did in the pre-season prognostication period. The only sports fans sadder than the OilersNation right now are Tiger Woods fan club members, but even they have photos of his illigitimate children to look forward to, whereas we have to settle for three more years of Khabibulin hockey.

Defying all odds, the Avalanche aren’t in 14th; they are in third in the Western Conference and amazingly lead the Northwest division. The Oilers have defied the experts too and do not occupy the 11th spot in the West as predicted by THN. Instead they are in 15th place and somehow looking to seek even lower with a presumed loss against the Avs tonight.

Looking at the Colorado season to date, it reminds us that the word “surprise” can be preceeded by the word “good,” though here in the OilersNation it can only be led by “horrendous” “brutal” or “soul crushing.” The Avalanche have shaken off all of the doubters and have assembled a tidy 27-15-6 record through the first 48 games of the season.

When you go over the points totals for the Avs it’s clear they are scoring by committee and that there aren’t more than a couple household names on the team. There ain’t a soul on the roster who is scoring at more than a PPG clip, including something called a “David Koci” who has collected a single goal in 35 appearances this season despite the advantage of playing left wing and wearing the same #28 worn by Alexander Selivanov when he tore the league a new one in the first half of the 99-00 season. Shame on you David Koci and shame on the Avalanche for not being as crappy as everyone thought you would be.

Speaking of shame…

What would you like us to say about the Edmonton Oilers tonight? That it was ill advised to make this game a PPV tilt? That we can’t believe this no name Avalanche roster will probably blow a handful of goals past whichver AHL prospect is started in net for the Oil, causing us to sucker punch whomever has the misfortune of sittnig within haymaker reach? That the only joy of the night will come from trading witty barbs with Jeanshorts to pass the time until our PPV telecast ends and we can climb into bed with a bottle of Drambuie and hope it all just goes away?

No, we won’t go that route. Not tonight and not ever. Milan Hejduk is out 2-4 weeks having his knee scoped. That can be considered good news as can the fact that the Avalanche come into the game with an overconfident 12-6-2 home record. Get ready for a double helping of Oilers hockey, Citizens of Denver, Colorado!

A new initiative

On the weekend we were hanging out with some of the boys after our long absence and tried to move the conversation around to Oilers hockey. We are still shocked at the decline of the interest in the team and one of our more “bandwagon prone” friends told us “Oilers hockey is some of the worst TV on right now.” To this we replied "NOOOOOOO" at the top of our lungs before tearing upstairs stumbling several times. The rest of the evening was spent crying unconsolably onto the chest of the first patient girl we could find.

There are plenty of worse things on TV – take that brutal new show Jersey Shore for instance. We would rather gouge out our eyes with a melon baller than watch a single second of that MTV garbage. So in an effort to bring you things much worse than the Oilers game, lowering your expectations for "entertainment" and making the hockey match seem positively spellbinding in the process, may we present to you this video titled “the WWE’s most romatic or slutty moments”

If that’s the worst thing you see on TV today, we’re golden.

UPDATE: You can also peep this gem of a goal from the ECHL which can be described as awesome:

  • m3sh

    I truly feel for all those that have to pay for the PPVs… working specifically on TELUS TV at TELUS has it's perks 🙂

    However, I can get it for free, and I'm still not convinced I need to watch it. Think I'd rather watch Jack Bauer murder people, and PVR the game so I can just do a FFWD review of it.

  • Does anyone get the flu more than the Oilers' players? Everytime I hear someone was pulled late from the game, I start getting excited about a possible trade. Then we find out that Horc or Staios just got sick again.

    The owner of the team OWNS a drugstore chain, that carries every flu remedy/prevention known to modern science – how does this keep happening? Or maybe, this isn't a coincidence? *diveforfive conspiracy*

  • Bucknuck

    I picked Pouliot as my goat and I haven't been able to complain about him at all. I wasn't being very imaginitive picking him as my goat, though.

    Penner my star has been a wonderful soul… but I always knew it was MacT's fault.

  • coach ditka

    What kills me is could we ever be so lucky like Colorado and get a Matt Duchene?? HELL NO!! We get another Steve Kelly or Bonsingore if we end up with the 2nd or 3rd pick. I'm even having doubts with this Taylor Hall sure he's great playing againts kids his own age but againts men I'm having my doubts. Any thoughts??

    • Jason Gregor

      Just curious how many times you've seen him play? What are you basing your doubts on? The Oilers drafting history? True they have sucked in the past but the past three years haven't been that bad.

      This isn't the same regime who blew picks on Devereaux, Kelly and Bonsignore…they can't be that bad with this pick I'd suspect.

      • Zamboni Driver

        No, but they are the jokers who went with the Finnish person whose name shall not be spoken (bad Karma and I wouldn't even have the first clue how to spell it).

        The concern, Jason, is that Lowe et al adopted the Barry Fraser/Sather "I'm smarter than everyone else, watch this…." drafting attitude.

      • Librarian Mike

        This isn't the same regime who blew picks on Devereaux, Kelly and Bonsignore…they can't be that bad with this pick I'd suspect.

        They'd better not be. I shudder to think what will happen to this team if they draft Patrik Stefan 2.0 this summer. *twitch*

        • Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach

          There is no Patrik Stefans in this draft that will go top 5, maybe Alexandre Dailges but there is no one coming off of three years of injury-prone hockey rated that high.

          • Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach

            I remember saying that pick was wasted before they even picked him. Granted that draft was very weak, I'm not sure that I'd take a guy with a proven injury history with the first overall pick. I would've at the very least made a deal with Vancouver so that they took him third behind the sisters.

      • Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach

        I just dont see any players like the top 3 that were available last year in this years draft is all. I've seen Hall play during last years Mem Cup run and this years WJC and maybe I'm being to critical. I just wish that there was a Iyla, Malkin, Ovie type of player especially since the Oil have a great chance for 1st pick! I dont see Hall or Seguin in that class is all. Dont get me wrong Hall def has talent.

        • Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach

          Hedman is about the only one from last year that I don't see a comparison to. Him being competent at every level for a NHL defensman is something that doesn't come along that often.

    • HottScarrison

      We need a centre, not another winger/Hemsky clone(hall). Go with Seguin instead of Hall. Seems like a safer bet than a maybe home-run or strikeout with Hall.

  • I personally am shocked and appalled at all of this anti PPV talk. It is a bloody honor to watch NHL games of any sort. Take it from a guy who was watching cricket – you read that right – only a week ago because when you go to an Australian sports bar that is what goes on all of the TVs 24/7.I would rather watch the Oilers go 0-82 than watch a single second of cricket ever again in my life. There are much worse things than watching an Oilers loss.

    As for people dreading attending a game, this just blows my mind. If my memory serves correct they are still serving beer at the game aren't they? I am going to the Canucks game on Wednesday too and I plan on drinking $4,560 worth of beer and showering the Oilers with witty commentary like:

    "You call that a pass Grebs you goatie son of a goat? Come up here and I'll teach you some manners!"

    Then I will chug another beer and be glad no once can score a "century"

  • Ender

    PPV. I sure hope no one is going to get it. Why don't we all buy the PPV so they can help pay off an other bar tab tonight ($15000). When the Oilers trade some players and fire all our management staff I will pay. Until then never.



  • Ender

    You know things are bad when you find youself fervently wishing that the Oilers could exibit the same level of skill as the Victoria Salmon Kings. As I watched that clip, I tried to pretend that it was Hemsky, Cogs, and 'Sully that made that play. It almost made me cry when the thought was so absurd, even my imagination couldn't make it work.

  • Ninjafoot

    Wanye you need to get rid of all evidence of that video…STAT !!!

    If the Oil Scouting Staff see that clip, you KNOW that they are gonna pencil those guys in for rounds 1, 2 and 3 and our dreams of a world where we get a real draft pick, confirmed by Central Scouting, go right out the window.

    Dammit man….HURRY…hit that delete button.

  • Zamboni Driver

    Not for nuthin' but if anyone actually pays money to watch the ongoing gong show, they really need to give heads a collective shake.

    and send the $15 (or whatever) to the Red Cross, go outside and get some 'fresh air'.

    oh and I wonder if Hockey Canada can strip Cormier of his Gold medal….oh, no…wait.

  • Shaun Doe

    Dear Wanye: thank you for posting a high resolution picture of our beloved Toonie. I will now commence the printing out of said Toonie picture on my bubble jet printer making me independantly wealthy on near identical counterfeit coins. Thank you.

    Signed: The crime of the century.

  • Can we take any solace that Cormier isn't an Oiler's property?

    I certianly won't order that PPV, nor will I spend money at any bar to see the torture.

    I just got free tix to the Vancouver game on Wed. and I'm already dreading it. I really hate losing to Vancouver, let alone witnessing it.
    Canucks fans are @ssholes.

    • Heavyd

      You nailed it right on the head, Canuck's fans are fu%&ing @ssholes. I cant stand to watch the Oil lose to them either, I tend to break things.

      Anybody know if G Brule draws back in tonight?

  • Phil


    Shame on you for slagging Jersey Shore, the single best show on TV right now. The Situation and Pauly D are quickly becoming household names.

    Also, for some odd reason I decided to rent A Dirty Shame probably 4 or 5 years ago. Absolutely awful, horrendous movie.

    Last but not least, I feel like a f*cking idiot for ordering the entire HDPPV package at the beginning of the season. A giant waste of money that could've been better spent on (or saved for) an emergency escort fund.

  • Harlie

    one positive thing about sucking so early this year is that we don't need to hear the old "this is a must win game" trotted out at every pre-game show this year. So sick of that saying.

  • OB1 Team Yakopov - F.S.T.N.F

    "whereas we have to settle for three more years of Khabibulin hockey"

    Hopefully we don't have to settle for 3 more years of JDD/DD 2009/2010 hockey.

  • Ogden Brother Jr. - Team Strudwick for coach

    I might go to the bar to watch part of the game, but really at this point the Oilers should maybe give people the option to get money back for buying the PPV package.

    • cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan

      it didnt take a brain surgeon to see this team was going to have a tough time making 8th this year.

      do people really need to see a mid jan game that bad?

      sold where is, as is… suckers!!!!

    • I don't agree at all. You took a risk when you bought the PPV package, and the risk was that the Oilers would suck exactly this hard this season.

      It blows to have to pay for it, but teams can't be in the business of refunding money because they're losing. You can vote with your dollars next year. Sad but true.