THE FIRST PAYDAY

 

Ah yes, the 15th of the month: Pay Day. For many of us that means getting the cheque from the boss, running to the local cheque cashing facility then straight to the roulette tables.

But for three special fellas they eight days past their first payday at their new jobs. And one heck of a payday it is has been.

October 8, 2010 will go down in history as the first pay day of Taylor Hall, Magnus Paajarvi Svensson and Jordan Eberle in the NHL. Ignoring for a brief moment the eye popping bonus at the draft that is handed out, the first paycheque must be a surreal experience for an NHL rookie.

Years from now receiving massive paycheques every 2 weeks during the season will be a routine matter. But one has to believe that this very first cheque has changed some things.

NO HANDS

A recent comment by Taylor Hall on the Oilers web site speaks to how the kids are coming to grips with the riches now in their possession: (h/t to Ender for pointing this out)

"It was kind of funny: me and Jordan we went out for dinner with a couple other guys last night. Our bill was $100 each, and we were talking that that could buy us about 12 footlong subs from Subway; that’s what we’re used to, so it’s a little bit different but we’re having fun getting used to it."

Do you recall your mind state in the ages of 18-21? What would you have done if someone dropped a five figure cheque in your lap? We’d have ran straight down to City Hall and attempted to buy the deed to Downtown Edmonton. 

We’d have driven to the world headquarters of Visa, asked to be taken to the accouts receivable department and when led into a room we’d have slammed an oversized version of our cheque on the nearest desk and yelled "EVERTHING HAS CHANGED BITCHES!"

We thought we would give the kids some pointers on how to blow their dough from cheque #1.

FINANCIAL TIPS FROM WANYE

Because we care about the well being of these three kids, we don’t recommend going out and purchasing a Bugatti Veryon right off the hop. New money drops a $1.5 million dollar roadster with paycheque number one. But this cash flow ain’t guaranteed Gentlemen.

You never know when Minnesota’s Derek Boogaard might have you in the train tracks and limit your earning potential.

A Gentleman goes and blows his new found cash on something absurd but stashes most of the first few cheques in the bank. Either that or hire an F-16 to take you to the arena every morning and retain Celine Dion to sing you to consciousness each morn.

With that in mind pimping lifestyle in mind – here are the biggest ballin wastes of cash we can find with each of the super rookies in mind.

TAYLOR HALL

Base Salary: $900,000

First pay cheque:  $60,000 (before tax)

Luxury item: (24) 14k gold plated staples from Oooms (UK)

Cost: $80 USD

You don’t become the first two time Memorial Cup MVP without paying attention to detail. Little things eventually add up and separate you from the competition. No one knows this better than #4.

Any old jackass can staple his documents with a stainless steel staple. But nothing says "perhaps you have seen me on the telematrix set" like stapling your documents with 14 karat gold.

Imagine the life:

"Is that a transcript of my Calder Trophy interview with the folks at the HHOF? Lemme give that a quick staple."

Sick.

MAGNUS PAJAARVI SVENSSON

Base Salary: $900,000

First pay cheque:  $60,000 (before tax)

Luxury item: A case of (10) Pot Noodles from Harrods.

Cost: $430 CAD

There are literally thousands of 19 year old kids in Edmonton who are far from home, living the bachelor life and in need of a quick meal on the go. Not many are pulling in the kind of smoke ol’ MPS is taking down in year one and his choice of insta-noodles should reflect his baller status.

This vegetarian-friendly instant noodle comes in a hand-flocked and gold-leafed pot. It also comes with a fork and table linen. Nothing smacks of legitimacy with the opposite sex like closing the deal with a "Oh hey ladies! What’s the business? Care for a cup of $50 cup o’ noodles back at my platinum condo?"

JORDAN EBERLE 

Base Salary: $875,000

First pay cheque:  $58,333 (before tax)

Luxury Item: Collection of 2 Star Trek: The Next Generation collectible plates featuring Commander Worf and Counsellor Troi. 

Cost: $10,000 USD.

Being stinking rich is about collecting items that please you and inspire jealousy in your enemies. Why go the usual route with the tired old options of  paintings and sculptures from centuries ago? Nothing says "I’m young and flashy, yet I want to buy sensible things that will increase in value over my career" than laying down 10 large on some Star Trek plates.

A very rare item indeed – only 6 of these babies were ever produced. Some moron in Florida is selling these plates – if you can believe it – for the piddling price of $10,000 USD.

Note: this item may come at a slightly higher price than the suggested splurges for MPS and Hall. We prefer Eberle to those two so we reserve the best idea for #14.

You’re welcome everyone.