A scant 5 days ago, our esteemed colleague Jason Gregor wrote an obituary to the Exciting Last Place Hockey movement.
"ELPH was put to rest on December 2nd, 2010. My heartfelt condolences go out to Wanye, who I know will be crushed." He then texted us "I have thrown down the gauntlet you idiot. The exciting last place hockey movement is over and done."
Like any good military tactician, we plotted and planned and waited to send our reply. For you see revenge – much like pizza – is better served stone cold and days late.
How’s things going for you now Gregor? Heh heh heh. Sucker.
IN DEFENSE OF KAY-Z
Sweet Gods of Rock. Something called a "Scott Haskins" has called out Daryl Katz in his column appearing in the Edmonton Examiner. It seems Mr Haskins is upset with the heretofore rocky negotiations between Katz representatives and various levels of politics regarding the Downtown Arena Project.
"Edmonton will not and should not be held for ransom. Another millionaire once tried that. It didn’t work out very well for Peter Pocklington. And it’s not going to work out very well this time. Our hockey team is not Daryl Katz’ toy!"
Haskins doesn’t appear to enjoy a recent trip to Quebec by Oilers Brain Trust advisors. He interprets this visit as an act of war with the City of Edmonton and Oilers fans around the globe. He goes on to offer some sage words of advice:
"(Katz) might want to rid yourself of some of your advisors and yes-men and replace them with someone who knows very little. Because that would be a step up."
We’d like to point out that a young Wanye von Gretzington (age 12-15) used to deliver the Edmonton Examiner in a route that seemed to span the entire City. As such we consder Haskins to be a co-worker of ours and we couldn’t help but cringe reading this article in it’s entirety.
"Daryl Katz should be a hero in this town. He is the local boy who made good, and then stepped up to save the day … and the team. Even if he is intent on being Mr. Invisible. Since then, however, it has been all downhill. It has come to the point where a lot of people would almost welcome Pocklington."
Dude, Peter Pockington is a convicted felon who relied on Katz – who has no relationship with him whatsoever – to post bond on his behalf recently.
Suggesting that Pocklington would be a welcome replacement for Katz as owner of the team overshoots the "controverisal article" you were doubtlessly looking to write and lands somewhere between "laughable" and "treatable with a full frontal lobotomy."
It’s one thing to oppose the public funding of the Downtown Arena project. It’s another thing altogether when people call out Katz for somehow being a bad owner of the team.
Unaccessible? Sure. Snappy dresser? Fine. Hired Justin Bieber to tutor his kids in English last summer? As best we can tell, yes.
But all the guy has done since buying the team is pour trillions of dollars into the already stuffed pockets of Tom Gilbert and Shawn Horcoff.
Every action he could take to put the best team possible on the ice has been taken. The number of consultants and advisors around the team has multiplied geometrically, he has thrown offer sheets at a third of the league and recently purchased the Windsor Spitfires as a gift for Taylor Hall.
In short: regardless of your thoughts on how he is handling the new Arena, you have to be some shade of crazy to suggest that he has been anything less than an exemplary NHL owner.
Suggesting anything otherwise demeans us all – and especially the venerable newspaper that paid for our hockey card addiction ages 12-15.