A RECAP OF EVENTS

How was that weekend for everybody? Did your southern parts freeze together leaving you wondering if you had slept through the eleven day Canadian summer? The next hippie we see crying about global warming is going to get a roundhouse kick to the face, courtesy of your ol’ pal Wanye.

Believe that.

BANFF

In what we hope has turned the corner from "thing-we-sometimes-do" to the "thing-we-always-do-and-no-complaining-girlfriends-can-stop-us-ever" we headed up the roughest, toughest gang of street thugs and headed off to Banff with the expectation of playing golf.

This expectation was quickly replaced with the realization that it was snowing and that the only thing 16 red blooded Canadian men of varying degrees of good looks could do is start a day party at 10:30 AM and go till last call.

Fortunately there was a bevy of sporting events to keep us entertained and stagette season is in full swing in Banff these days. So we had that going for us.

EVENT 1: UFC

 

We could ordinarily give two squirts about a UFC fight except that Mr. T from the new A-Team movie was fighting and that is something you don’t see every day. Plus a big bouncer went around the bar around hour 6 of the day party and demanded $10 from everyone in attendance.

Because we hadn’t yet devised a money making scam by which we would be able to pay our existing bill, we yelled "ADD IT TO THE TAB MY MAN" and settled in to split our attention between the Cup and the UFC. 

At the risk of becoming extraordinarily unpopular – especially to FlamesNation’s own Pat Steinberg who was covering the event in Vegas for the Fan 940 – we don’t like the UFC. Sure, we can see the appeal in it. Two large, sweaty men engaging in a variety of grappling poses, faces mere inches from one another’s groins. It is a great way to spend an evening.

But we have a philosophical issue with a sport where if one of the combatants actually died during a match, it would send the crowd into such an orgy of cheering that the host city would have to scramble the national guard to maintain control.

Not to mention sales of Tapout clothing and Ed Hardy shirts would go through the roof as the viewers of the kill move would immediately begin prepping for a celebratory night on the town to compare notes with other UFC viewers like the guy featured below:

Viewer 1: Did you see that guy totally snap the neck of that other guy?

Viewer 2: Yeah, totally.

Viewer 1: Wasn’t that radical?

Viewer 2: Yeah, totally.

Viewer 1: Want to go practice wrestling in booty shorts with me?

Viewer 2: Yeah, totally.

This may be a bit of an oversimplification of the issue and we know that the UFC presents a world class event. If the NHL understood how to market itself 1/10000 as well as the UFC we wouldn’t be staring down the sagging attendance in the Southern US like we are today. 

We are just saying that given the choice between watching Bolivian C-SPAN or the UFC we would pick the wacky antics of Evo Morales any day.

EVENT 2: SCF10G1

Fortunately, the Stanley Cup of Hockey match was first class and presented a welcome distraction from the screaming masses of UFC fans in the bar. Did anyone else tune in to watch this thing? It wasn’t exactly the defensive battle one would expect from G1 of the finals but it certainly was entertaining.

We can’t help but marvel at the quality of play in these here playoffs. Maybe it is because 99.4% of the hockey we watch is performed by the Oilers of Edmonton, but these games are wicked good. We don’t even recognize what a good hockey team is anymore.

Whatever the case, we will be tuning in for G2 tonight where the Flyers will be giving Leighton another chance between the pipes and Chris Pronger will be left wondering why Dustin Byfuglien isn’t scared of him in the least.

You should watch too, if not for the game itself then for poor Jeremy Roenick, who is apparently so torn about his two former clubs facing one another in the finals that it merited an article on TSN.

  • TheGunnShow

    Did you watch the Human Rake yesterday during the press conference? I just wanted to slap him in his smug mug.

    I hope Byfuglien does that tonight. Such wrath on those chicklets.

    • I couldn’t agree more. When he gets that little gap toothed grin going I want to either kill him or myself. Instead I usually shake my fist at the TV and then go see what’s in the fridge.

      @RossCreek

      Mad respect for linking to thisis50.com

  • Hemmertime

    UFC was good during Ultimate Fighter on Spike, even then just first and maybe second seasons. The first season rocked and made me watch a few UFC events. I’ll still watch the occasional one – GSP or Brock Lesner being two Ill regularly watch streaming – but by no means would I call myself a fan of it. The video game is good though. UFC fans are at least better than wrestling fans, though both have a propensity of getting drunk during an event and getting beer muscles.

    • Beer muscles indeed.

      At one point in the evening one of the boys was coming back from the washroom when something or other exciting happened in the fight. Hearing the reaction of the crowd he started to run towards the seats and tripped on a barstool leg, sending him crashing into the shoulder of a guy watching the fights.

      “Beer muscles” is exactly the term to describe how the guy reacted. Fortunately my buddy is approx 11 feet tall and the guy was immediately calmed down by the sobering thought of being beaten down in front of 100 UFC fans.

  • Ender

    Proposed tagline for new UFC marketing campaign: Hug ’til it Hurts.

    IMHO the NHL is a far superior show to MMA, but we can’t really poke fun at the potential UFC body count without wincing uncomfortably when someone asks how it compares to hockey’s. And no matter what the sport, there will probably be neanderthals looking to measure it’s success in casualties.

    • I think the production values of the games in the NHL don’t even hold a candle to what the UFC is doing at the moment, although coming out to “the beautiful people” was pretty awesome in G1 of the finals.

      Why didn’t the NHL get a TV deal with Spike six years ago when it was desperate for content?

    • I'm a Scientist!

      Proposed tagline for new UFC marketing campaign: Hug ’til it Hurts.

      Ooo the NHL should steal that line and then use Stortini as their poster boy… just sayin’.

  • OB1 Team Yakopov - F.S.T.N.F

    I went down to the fights this weekend and I’d have to say theirs alot more beer muscles at the Oilers games I go to then at the UFC fights. 95% of the people in the crowed were just ordinary guys with a couple buddies or guys with their wives/GF.

    The actual fighters were also very down to earth and easy going guys. We chatted with 10 – 12 of them in the casinos/lounges/pools.

    Interesting side note: we ran into a guy from sportsnet that mentioned that the UFC fighters are the best guys to work with while almost all the NHL guys are pricks.

  • BBOil

    Anyone check out the Hawks cap issues lately. Just looked on capgeek and they are already over the cap for next year and only have 14 guys signed.

    This plus the fact that we have numerous RFA’s and picks, makes me think the Oil should give the hawks a call. Something like a Cogs for a Sharp or Bolland plus whatever pieces on both sides to make it work makes sense to me. We get a reliable NHL player with some jam at a decent price for years to come, they get younger cheaper talent.

    • Can’t see any way the Hawks move Bolland, Sharp or Byfuglien… at least til next off-season when Seabrook needs a new deal. Cristobal Huet makes 5.625 & Brent Sopel makes 2.333333… looks like a good bet they get buried in the minors next year (saving 8 mil).

      • OB1 Team Yakopov - F.S.T.N.F

        I don’t know man, their hasn’t been a ticket near that big in the minors (Huet). Do the Hawks really want to have a team payroll in the 65 million range?

        • 4 rounds of playoffs and the expectation of 4 more next season may ease fears of burying him. How can you justify getting rid of a key piece if you don’t have to. Maybe they loan Huet to Russia & trade Sopel along with a draft pick for something.

          To me, its the year after (with Seabrook looking for $) that costs them a significant player.

          Bolland has clearly showed his worth these playoffs, as has Byfuglien. Sharp is an underrated key cog. If anything, that leaves Versteeg, who they basically got for free (Brandon Bochenski trade) as the guy that moves… wouldn’t mind seeing him in Calgary 😉

    • YOU DON’T LIKE FIGHTING? HAHAHAHAHA

      Hey Wayne, Ducey, homophobes and other relics of the past…..MMA is here to stay….so get used to it. “back in my day we used to walk up hill both ways” yuccckkk…

      I’ve been to two live UFC events, Dallas and Montreal and it was incredible. It was a great time with top notch people like Dana White running it.

      When you write back Ducey….make sure to lawyer it up….cause I get a kick out of it. (student changing the world attitude of yours….lol)

  • I’m not the hugest MMA fan either. They always seem to let the fight drag out just one or two punches too long and I get the impression that someone will get hurt badly.

    Of course I’m not as much of an MMA hater as Bob Arum who calls the audience “skinhead whites with lots of tattoos” and the fighters “guys rolling around like a couple of homosexuals”. The fun begins at 4:20. It’s funny to see such an ignorant old prick spout such hate and have no idea how dumb he looks.

        • I seriously have to take a weekend off or my kidneys are going to shut down. Two weekends in a row have been cancelled due to poor weather which led to obscenities and the weekend after next I’m going to Vegas for a wedding.

          Let’s see here, assuming normal kidney function returns 6-8 weeks after a bender ends …. carry the seven …. subtract the number of days in the month –

          I should be medically cleared to party on a rubbertroutian level again some time in late June.

    • Hemmertime

      heh Thanks. Its fun to say too, nearly every game I use it in people need to say it over voice chat for some reason. The few randoms who get the reference become friends for life.

  • Ryan14

    I thought that the Rake was actually pretty funny in his interviews.. You gotta think that he would be getting sick of answering the same question how many times in the same interview.