PICKING LOS GOATO

Given our horrendous luck picking Stars, picking the Goat each year is waaaaay more fun.

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

Minutes later that same player would score and the same guy would be standing and high fiving everyone. “Look at (insert player here) go! Atta boy! I been sayin’ all year long that (insert player here) is gonna make some moves.”

FAIR WEATHER FANS

These types of fans can be found under every rock. Hating on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute – all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn’t think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

LAST YEAR’S GOAT PROGNOSI

We picked dirty old Grebs last year too after such a successful 2008-09 campaign. He was traded later in the year, at a point that we were so disillusioned we barely even chirped him on the way out of town.

Here are some other great goat picks from last year

Massive call naming the Captain the Goat. On a team filled with suspects, he was one of the finest last year.

A pair of dandies here as well. As the season wore on Steady Steve wore out, then we all laughed as the Flames picked him up for reasons unknown.

Oh man, is this one ever wonderous. Commander Ender goes on an epic rant dusting off Penner as his goat and goes so far as to bold the sentence basically declaring ‘if Penner was good he would have shown it already.’ 

That is rich creamery butter and exactly why we write these predictions down.

*laughs heartily*

2010-11 GOAT

Picking a marginal player who will be called up from time to time defeats the purpose of picking a Goat. A good Goat logs mad minutes during the year so that he can be often cursed for his goat like stupidity and insatiable desire to eat trash and wear a bell.

Our expectations for the 2010-11 are low. In fact we actually want the team to finish last to secure another lottery pick. Exciting last place hockey Nation, that is the ticket for the coming year.

In a strange twist of fate the Goat could actually be considered a Star for assisting in the effort. That thought just blew our mind as did the picture of the Goat wearing underwear.

Because of the fact that we have him signed for all eternity and because of the fact that will ensure he sees mad game time this year our 2010-11 goat is:

AND THE WINNER IS

Nikolai Khabibulin.

Dang you to all hell Khabibulin! Why are you signed for so long at such a high price? When the Oilers sent you the $70 million dollar offer sheet, why didn’t you have your agent fax back “this is grossly overpriced. We agree to sign a one year deal at league minimum instead.”

Any player agent worth his salt and any player with a heart beating in his chest would have done this.

But no, you had to go with accepting the deal and blowing both feet off the Oilers in the process. We won’t even touch the "glug-glug-vroom-vroom" over the summer, but best believe that didn’t help your case. Nor does the wonky ass spine you are toting around.

Good luck BAAAAABIBULIN*

*har har har

  • Oilchange64

    Just because nobody else will:

    Star: Smid 50 points 49 second assists and 1 empty net goal.

    Goat….Sorry but Khabibulin should be excluded because he is the most obvious goatiest goatastic goat candidate ever. Seriously, expectations are so low that an average season would exceed most expectations.

    To be a true goat you have to come in below expectations. Not based on contract, hope I am wrong, think he will play tough minutes but worrried about durability and people expect points. The horns go to Horcoff.

  • Oilchange64

    As I recall I caught a lot of flack from Master Wanye for picking thecapationmoreau as my Goat.

    “Shane Corson?” How dare I.

    “Put on Waivers?” Shudder the thought.

    History vindicates all that are righteous.

    So 2010-2011 Master Goat Escutcheon?

    Jason “Lead foot” Strudwick. Charm? Plenty. Missed assignments? Oh we got those.

    BTW I picked Patty O’Sullivan as my star. I looked like the Escutcheon of a goat on that one.

  • Oilchange64

    My prediction….for the first time since the goat was invented at Oilersnation.com, there will be NO goat this year! The Oilers will have chemistry like the boys on the bus did back in the 80’s and go on to win the cup in 6 games vs the Penguins of Pittsburgh..you heard it here first.

  • Wanyes bastard child

    Im going out on a limb here and picking Schremp 2.0 as my goat.

    I don’t think mr youtube will be able to perform and display at the NHL level and will get caught everytime he he try’s one of his fancy tricks, turning into either a rush the other way, a wonderful scoring chance missed or the momentum of a play dyeing with him.
    And as another poster mentioned previously in the star wars blog, he will get 9 games. 9 Games to suck the teet and show he needs to rethink his game at the NHL level and “dumb” down his game so-to-speak. 9 games that takes away from the opportunity of one of the other kids.

    Sorry Omark, but you are my goat.

  • Bryzarro World

    My Goat…… The whole freaking goalie corp. They gonna crap their pants this year. Even if we play lights out we don’t have a tender to stop anything. The Bulin wall is going the way of the Berlin wall… crumbled to dust. Kids are not gonna do it and Gerber….. please.

  • Gerald R. Ford

    Horcoff swinging and missing on thirty or forty beauty setups from whichever talented wingers get wasted on his line will inevitably earn him Alpha Goat status. That is one call I will NOT miss from Rockin’ Rod:

    “Hemsky over to Horcoff… he SCORRR—-AUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH! HE MISSED THE WIDE OPEN NET! He had all day, and half the net! He’s KILLING me, Bob! Arizona, here I come.”

  • Beer + Wings

    I want to be a crazy person and pick Liam Reddo to be my star because I feel like he could exceed expectations and actually put up 40 points in a full season, but there are too many forwards and he’ll spend a lot of time in the A. So I’ll have to pick Gagner to finally break out and be the star now that the team has offensive depth, albeit unexperienced depth.

    And Khabibulin is the obvious pick for goat so I’ll have to go with Cogliano, even though I hope and expect for him to be dealt sooner than later.

  • Jerk Store

    Star = Foster. I am being Johnny-come-lately after his bomb one-timer last night. But the guy shoots it quick and gets it through. Is big and can play with an edge. Kid has been through hell and deserves a break.

    Goat = Gibby Gilbert. Kid has mad skills but has as much edge as a wet Kleenex. Doesn’t need to put anyone through the boards but for the love of God – please at least lean on someone heading for the net! You are 6’3″ and like 215 and the last time you threw a hit, Lindsay Lohan was still a tea-toddler. Tom Poti = Tom Gilbert. I hope I am wrong …. But really, what are the chances of that happening?

    * Rushes off to see how BP stocks purchased a year ago are doing.

  • Ender

    I called Penner as the hero; he was THE MAN among boys last year and the kids will not be at the level for a couple of years.

    For goat, it has to be Vandemeer. This town has a long tradition of chewing up and spitting out slow/unskilled/chaotic defensemen.

    Ulanov the type of player I am talking about; he is a Cross between a Staios home kind of guy and the one Grebeshkoving up the puck at the opposition blue line. Just watching them Bergeroning the puck into little pieces makes you want to Poti your eyes out.

  • Ender

    The goat will be Tom Renney. Oiler Nation is all fired up about the “new look” Oil, and have annointed the 3 young guys as the 3 kings that will lead us from the wilderness we have been hopelessly lost in for the last 20 years so they will be exempt. Khabibulin likely won’t play enough games to be a goat what with injury and incarceration problems, Penner and Horcoff will play well enough to avoid the horns and Oiler fans need somebody to put the boots to.

    Renney will be accused of stifling the young guys, over using the old guys, not using the tough guys, and likely will be mentioned with bad weather, the weak economy, and most of the social ills in the world.

  • Ender

    The goat will be Tom Renney. Oiler Nation is all fired up about the “new look” Oil, and have annointed the 3 young guys as the 3 kings that will lead us from the wilderness we have been hopelessly lost in for the last 20 years so they will be exempt. Khabibulin likely won’t play enough games to be a goat what with injury and incarceration problems, Penner and Horcoff will play well enough to avoid the horns and Oiler fans need somebody to put the boots to.

    Renney will be accused of stifling the young guys, over using the old guys, not using the tough guys, and likely will be mentioned with bad weather, the weak economy, and most of the social ills in the world.

  • AussieOil

    This is a slam dunk, Cogliano is the clear winner for the Goat – I was getting mad at him during the JM Cup allready! He pretty much picked himself as far as I am concerned. Star is Shawn “Stone Hands no more” Scorecoft – much less pressure for him this year. Look out 5 holes!