PICKING LOS GOATO

Given our horrendous luck picking Stars, picking the Goat each year is waaaaay more fun.

Goat selection evolved a few years back when we had a buddy that would randomly pick an Oiler each game and rag on him mercilessly. “That dang (insert player here.) He is the worst player on the ice. (Insert GM here) should be embarrassed that he picked such a terrible player.”

Minutes later that same player would score and the same guy would be standing and high fiving everyone. “Look at (insert player here) go! Atta boy! I been sayin’ all year long that (insert player here) is gonna make some moves.”

FAIR WEATHER FANS

These types of fans can be found under every rock. Hating on every random player that draws their ire, loving them the very next minute – all in the name of being an "fan." The boys didn’t think that it was sporting to cuss each and every Oiler only to shower them with praise on the next play and several half drunken arguments broke out over the span of a couple seasons to drive home the point.

Instead of playing our band wagon jumping friend on waivers, we all concocted the Goat. The Goat is intended to be the cause of all the team’s problems for the entire season. Goal just went in? Damn the Goat to hell. He wasn’t on the ice? Damn his stupid manner in which he sits on the bench.

The first year of two that we picked Grebeshkov to be our Goat was easily the best picking of our storied Goat picking career. Not only was Grebs brutal, but the team was too. We blamed him for most everything most nights and it allowed us to vent all Oilers related anger his way.

On a team that we hope finishes no higher than 30th place this year, picking the Goat is going to be key to maintaining your sanity.

LAST YEAR’S GOAT PROGNOSI

We picked dirty old Grebs last year too after such a successful 2008-09 campaign. He was traded later in the year, at a point that we were so disillusioned we barely even chirped him on the way out of town.

Here are some other great goat picks from last year

Massive call naming the Captain the Goat. On a team filled with suspects, he was one of the finest last year.

A pair of dandies here as well. As the season wore on Steady Steve wore out, then we all laughed as the Flames picked him up for reasons unknown.

Oh man, is this one ever wonderous. Commander Ender goes on an epic rant dusting off Penner as his goat and goes so far as to bold the sentence basically declaring ‘if Penner was good he would have shown it already.’ 

That is rich creamery butter and exactly why we write these predictions down.

*laughs heartily*

2010-11 GOAT

Picking a marginal player who will be called up from time to time defeats the purpose of picking a Goat. A good Goat logs mad minutes during the year so that he can be often cursed for his goat like stupidity and insatiable desire to eat trash and wear a bell.

Our expectations for the 2010-11 are low. In fact we actually want the team to finish last to secure another lottery pick. Exciting last place hockey Nation, that is the ticket for the coming year.

In a strange twist of fate the Goat could actually be considered a Star for assisting in the effort. That thought just blew our mind as did the picture of the Goat wearing underwear.

Because of the fact that we have him signed for all eternity and because of the fact that will ensure he sees mad game time this year our 2010-11 goat is:

AND THE WINNER IS

Nikolai Khabibulin.

Dang you to all hell Khabibulin! Why are you signed for so long at such a high price? When the Oilers sent you the $70 million dollar offer sheet, why didn’t you have your agent fax back “this is grossly overpriced. We agree to sign a one year deal at league minimum instead.”

Any player agent worth his salt and any player with a heart beating in his chest would have done this.

But no, you had to go with accepting the deal and blowing both feet off the Oilers in the process. We won’t even touch the "glug-glug-vroom-vroom" over the summer, but best believe that didn’t help your case. Nor does the wonky ass spine you are toting around.

Good luck BAAAAABIBULIN*

*har har har

    • I too will join you in blaming everything on Souray. The best way to do this is to make repeated references to how he can go and suck a giant fat C&%K.

      Unfortunately, in my mind the goat needs to actually suit up for the Oil at some point this year.

      Khabby is too easy.

      Cogs may well be on his way out of town and I kind of want something to go right for him.

      Even though everyone seems to suspect that Manitoba Fats may have a let down I think the big train is going to be just fine.

      My Goat:

      Ryan Whitney.

      I hope that I’m wrong but I have serious concerns about those feet.

  • fuck off

    I ended up picking Hemsky. If that band aid can’t play more than 50games he deserves the damn horns! Especially if they make him the 13C and all he does is bail on practice early all year long.

    edit: @Wanye
    How come Souray isn’t on the list?? There’s a sh!t tonne of possibilities for him to be #1 goat. EI: We do trade his a$$ to someone in-conference like CBJ and he ends up taking Hall or one of the kids out for the year with a PP slap shot? ONLY to go on to have a 50 point season as they eek into the playoffs?!

    maybe I should write horror fiction…

  • fuck off

    Horcoff is still an easy and possibly the most likely to be the right goat pick than KhabinBoozin. Signed through 2014-15 at a 5.5 mil hit makes him the #1 target even beyond the possibility of a 30 day jail sentance in mid-season!

    I wanna pick Horcoff but damn I don’t want to be right!

  • Max Powers - Team HME Evans

    Cogs is my pick. He’s either gonna blow up this season or he’s gonna get sent down. He said all the rights things last year too. Even if he is making only a cool mill i still think he disappoints the most thus making him the Goat.

    • Milli

      How dare you Mx Powers, Cogs is my star, and he will be THE STAR this year.

      Goat, I don’t think a Stanley Cup winning team has a goat, but, just for for and to not look like a big chicken, I too will take Vanermeer, thats right, NOT cogs max powers, but Vandy, after all he did play for calgary!

  • Goat, our team is loaded with talent, it is impossible to pick one~

    Vandermeer is my pick as well. He will play too much, get undressed too many times & be a defensive zone liability. Sounds like my goat from last year, Staios.