We have had a hell of a past few seasons as fans of the Edmonton Oilers haven’t we? Anyone remember the heart pounding Cup run of 2006? Anyone remember the heart destroying summer of 2006?
Anyone still remember the five – count em – five years since as we all found entertaining ways to cover for the Oil as they bumbled, fumbled and dumb-dumbled their way to back to back lasts?
Let’s take a look back at the eras of Oilers since that wonderous day the Oilers lost in SCFG7 and made us cry for the first time since Grade 6.
SHITANUSLY BAD HOCKEY (2007-08)
Once upon a 2007 we were sitting around talking hockey with the boys and called the audible to try and coin a word to describe the current state of the Oil. We needed a completely new term mind you – nobody in the history of the English language had been forced to watch this level of mediocrity.
And so shitanusly bad hockey was born. And we entertained ourselves with finding funny pictures of people getting the crap punched out of them, otherwise failing at stuff and consoled one another with statements like “oh it isn’t as though Robin Brownlee will predicting the Oilers will come in 13th in the West in 2011-12 or something*
Back in 2008, 99% of active Oilers fans seemed to simultaneously clue into the fact that their team had been underperforming in the 3 years since they had made their miraculous run to the Stanley Cup Finals. At the very same instant the cure for what ailed the Oilers was discovered by these same fans. "Perhaps the team ought to to consider firing their Head Coach" they said, at the time the Coach being curly haired strategiest Craig MacTavish.
Roughly 2 seasons too late the Oil finally lurched into action firing Craig MacTavish. And how things have turned around since then! With new Coaching the Oil have set a new standard for excellence in the NHL and given us hundreds of thousands of thrills ever since!**
ELPH I (2009-10)
Remember when we collectively decided to give up on cheering for the Oilers to win hockey games and instead started asking for the Oilers to start LOSING hockey games? Remember how they rose to the occasion and came in last place in the 2009-10 NHL season?***
ELPH II (2010-11)
Remember when we collectively decided to give up on cheering for the Oilers to win hockey games and instead started asking for the Oilers to start LOSING hockey games? Remember how they rose to the occasion and came in last place in the 2010-11 NHL season?***
AND SO NOW WHAT?
What are we looking for the coming season? Are expectations high or low? Brownlee is calling for another lottery pick, though in his infinite wisdom he doesn’t think the Oil will finish dead last in the league this season.
Is it brain insanity to think the Oil could be competitive this season? Or will they toil in the basement all season like a common hockey blogger?**** Is this the year we as fans decide to hold the team accountable for their crimes and riot in the streets? Or are we so drunk on the hope kool-aid that comes with back to back first picks overall that we will tolerate all sorts of things in the meantime?
We started a poll, now lets get the conversation going so we can wrap our brains around what we are hoping to get out of the next 82 Oilers regular season games.
SPEAKING OF HOCKEY DRAFTS
Earlier in the week our esteemed colleague Jonathan Willis triggered an avalanche of commentary-as-entries in the First Annual Nation Network Hockey Draft. Classic case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing right there.
The internet folk that power this here hockey website – Citizen Alpha being micromanaged by your ol’ pal Wanye – has been hard at work making a hockey draft website for our friends at Boston Pizza and didn’t think to bang out a version for here.
This is the last week of the pre-season Nation. Every warm blooded hockey fan is full to the brim with confidence, knowledge and certainty as to who will outperform who on the ice hockey surface.
If you live in Northern Alberta – why not channel that knowledge, energy and longing for puck dropping into a second hockey draft – this time the Boston Pizza Draft?
This draft has all the trimmings that your old pal Wanye, the big wigs at Boston Pizza and our national partner Molson can bring to the table – a vertiable jim dandy of a prize bonanza.
First place is an Oilers game in a luxury BOX of all things if you can believe it. Every month we are giving away free wings for a year and the Best Seats in the House on game nights.
478th place is getting a free bikini wax courtesy of Wanye Industries Corporation LLP Ltd Inc (females only) and 479th place is giving a free bikini wax to the entire Wanye Industries Corporation LLP Ltd (either gender can win)
If you happen to see any bugs in the website please keep them to yourself. It has been a long summer for poor old Citizen Alpha as micromanaged by your ol’ pal Wanye.
And now to go find more prizes.
*That sound you hear is our teeth grinding.
**That sound you hear is Craig MacTavish being one step away from Coaching the Canucks and beating the Oil up for funsies.
***That sound you hear is us sobbing uncontrollably thinking of all the time we could have spent making model aircraft carriers instead of cheering for Oilerz.
****Our parents are our roommate FYI, a roommate who happens to not charge us any rent, enjoys making beds and understands that a good roommate always does all the laundry.