WTF?: FINALLY, THE ONHFD

Think Corsi and Fenwick numbers are convoluted and confusing? Don’t have a clue what SIUTBOHC means? Easily flummoxed, like I was by the picture above (not really, but I needed an excuse to use it). Just a garden variety knucklehead? There is help.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to create the Oilersnation Handbook for Dummies*, a volume of jargon, lingo and acronyms most common to the website that will be updated and expanded as time allows (not a chance, it’s a one-off) to aid you in navigating the ridiculous amount of Edmonton Oilers copy generated by the oh-so talented group of wordsmiths and scholars here every day.

SPELL IT OUT FOR US, ROBIN

We love acronyms at The Nation, but they can be confusing to the dim and those uninitiated in the local lingo. In the name of clarity, a quick primer on common acronyms for our valued readers. If I leave something out you feel should be included, post it and I will add it to the glossary.

GDB — Game Day Bitches. Standing headline for our game day advances hatched by the fertile minds of Wanye Gretz and Bingofuel in the earliest days of the website.

ELPH — Exciting Last Place Hockey. A desperate but innovative attempt at spinning the ineptitude of five straight seasons out of the playoffs into a positive.

FIST — Not a true acronym, but the symbolic first post word favoured by a small but determined faction of kooks, donkeys and mouth-breathers at ON.

FMNF — Fire MacTavish Now F*ckers. This crude but effective acronym has it origins during the 2008-09 season as eyes in the Oilers dressing room, particularly those belonging to Dustin Penner, began to glaze over during pre-game pep talks.

FYATHYRIN — F*ck You And The Horse You Rode In . . . . Something.

FYATHYRIO —  F*ck You And The Horse You Rode In On. Also see knucklehead version above.

GDP — Game Day Prediction. Unless I’m mistaken, and I never am, Jason Gregor created this sub-category as part of his regular GDB. You get this, right? *I’m A Scientist! has filed a lawsuit seeking damages for copyright infringement.

OGDP — Obvious Game Day Prediction. Expansion of the GDP as part of the GDB most often used by Gregor to point out an angle obvious to even the dimmest of knuckleheads.

NSOGDP — Not So Obvious Game Day Prediction. Another sub-category along with the GDP and OGDP as part of the GDP that is often twisted, but never without the grain of truth that makes it gold.

SIUTBOHC — Shoved It Up The Backsides Of His Critics. Has is origins with the hunch I had about Jeff Deslauriers and my misplaced belief that he’d become an actual NHL goaltender after a five-game hot streak. Not to be confused with SIUTBOHS, Shoved It Up The Backsides Of His Supporters, which is what Deslauriers did by morphing into Andre Racicot, triggering untold scorn from those I suggested he’d violated. Nikolai Khabibulin has assumed the SIUTBOHC mantra this season. We’ll see.

WTF — What The F*ck. Duh. Not to be confused with the less-common wtf, which is in lower-case and is the fake name used by the anonymous loser who helped create this guide by whining (imagine a nasal voice, narrow-set eyes, smallish hands and that caked paste in the corners of the mouth): "wtf is a SIUTBOHC and why are we expected to know what that means?" Proving his largesse knows no bounds, wtf later provided ONHFD with FYATHYRIN. Also see above.

NICKNAMES AND JARGON

Bronte 5000/Betamax — A calculating machine for the business age! A modern miracle! But more than anything, a friend to all fans in need of a keypad to lean on when troubled by numbers.

Cup Of Coffee — A look-see in The Show for a career minor-leaguer. Lowetide not only uses this term often, it’s very likely he invented it.

Doobie — Devan Dubnyk.

Big Sexy — Sheldon Souray. Whistleblower.

Ghost Ride the Whip — Celebratory song/manoeuvre of the ON faithful.

The Human Rake — Chris Pronger.

The Nuge — Three guesses. Also see RNH.

Magnificent Bastard — Chief Scout Stu MacGregor. Also see MBS.

MPS — Magnus Paajarvi when his name bar ran up one arm, across his back and down his other arm.

Mr. Dithers — GM Steve Tambellini. Also see Tamby, LoweBellini.

RX1 — Rexall Place.

RX2 — Edmonton goes Big City at last.

SMac — Steve MacIntyre.

SqueeFrom The Urban Dictionary: "A noise primarily made by an over-excited fan girl, however it has spread rapidly and is now widely spread among the web community." Think Wanye in his pajamas with the Eberle name bar on the back after a hat-trick by No. 14.

Struddles — Laughs like a girl. Plays hockey like a man. Spokesman Hair Club For Men and frontman for the Bubblegum Gang.

As with acronyms, if you’ve got any other nicknames and jargon you’d like to see added to the guide, please pass them along and we’ll be happy to add them. Once everything is compiled, we will make a finished edition available to readers at cost, or about $29.99. Cheques made payable to Robin Brownlee. Please, a limit of two per household.

*Not endorsed by anybody even remotely affiliated with Oilersnation, the network of Nation Websites or Nation Radio. Does not in any way reflect the views or opinions of ON management. Names are based on fictional characters and not on any actual person, living or dead. Article was not written by Robin Brownlee.

Listen to Robin Brownlee Wednesdays and Thursdays from 3 p.m. to 5 p.m. on the Jason Gregor Show on TEAM 1260.

  • smiliegirl15

    Ah yes Strudwick! I can’t remember everything around here! I have to have room in my brain for stuff like work – the thing I actually get paid to do during the day!

    Dreaming of Spring Robin! Might have to check out the indoor place to work on my drive!

  • Quicksilver ballet

    Noticed SDH hasn’t made the list yet. It’s relatively new but who wouldn’t want to be called a stunted dillhole by Brownlee. Has to finish a close second to having the first post on a topic edited by the master of his domain RB.

  • Romulus' Apotheosis

    Dear Mr. Brownlee, I figure I should address you in a more formal manner. I do this for fear you will have a heart attack from the stress a simple question I posed seems to have caused you.

    First of all, I do not see how my question can be construed as a troll post warranting such a strong response. Indeed my tone was informal, but I think you took it too far and you honestly look like a fool for it. So congrats I guess?

    I honestly did not know what it meant, and asking a reader to scour the archives for the meaning is:

    a) a terrible inconvenience for the reader, which if I’m not mistaken, is who this site is for.

    b) a wrong assumption that every reader that comes here has the time to search and read old irrelevant posts to catch up on the inside jokes that multiply like viruses here. Yes, I realize attitude and lulz are part of the Oilers Nation package, but first and foremost I’m here to read about the Oilers, not subscribe to some fraternity of amateur comedians.

    Secondly, your reaction has revealed you to be a bully and an incredibly insecure one. In all the time you’ve spent belittling me and typing up all those insults in my honor (I’m flattered) you could have easily… EASILY just explained what it meant. Guess when you said I wasn’t worth the time, you didn’t mean it.

    Thirdly, I know this is a blog and as such a lot of things can be thrown out the window, but what kind of journalist uses uncommon acronyms to punctuate their stories?

    FYATHYRIN.

    • Nice punchline, knucklehead.

      “Congrats,” you come off looking like more of a stooge than you did after your first post, and that’s saying a lot.

      Really, what could be more appropriate — think about this — given the subject matter of my article, than how you came back for an encore and bungled it so badly.

      Let’s review: You stop by a day or two ago to be an A-hole. Justifiably, I mug your sorry backside by force-feeding you a well-deserved heaping helping of dung in response as part of an item your initial dickishness helped create.

      You come back, slip on your fake Little Miss Indignant panties and then finally cut to the chase, which is to tell me to f*ck-off. Fittingly, you choose to use an acronym to do it — I’ll show Brownlee. But you blow it. You screw it up. At the moment of truth, when the money’s on the table, you crap your pants and swallow your tongue. You take a full-blown twister. “Oops” indeed. This stuff writes itself. “FYATHYRIN.”

      LOL LOL LOL

      • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

        I admit to bumbling the punchline. Sorry, I’m new at this whole Internet mud slinging thing, I’ve got better things to do. Not all of us can be nasty old men with an army of internet yes men to egg us on.

        I still stand by my original question which remains unanswered despite all your posturing and chest thumping.

        In case you were too busy high fiving yourself to remember, I didn’t ask if you could open your notebook of insults and hurl some of the beauties you came up with when you were being bullied in high school. I asked you why a reader to this site, whether he be a regular or not, should be expected to know what this acronym you invented (have used sparingly on the site since) means, especially in the context of a post where it’s meaning is essential?

        Now that I’ve phrased it in a more polite manner for your royal highness, maybe I’ll finally get an answer. But I realize that you’ve probably got pages and pages of material left and you probably need the approval of ON commenters to sleep at night, so ride on sir. Ride on.

        • Romulus' Apotheosis

          Dude? really?

          How are you not a troll?

          The question was answered in the same thread in which you asked it:

          http://oilersnation.com/2011/11/21/sheldon-souray-not-done-yet/page/1#comments

          #10 and #12… right below your effing question. Since you clearly didn’t read that thread, i.e., check to see if someone answered you… what are we supposed to make of your continued request for an answer??

          NOT TO MENTION it is prominently featured in this very article… that you also somehow didn’t manage to read… WTF indeed!?

          but here it is again in the off chance you might decide to read:

          SIUTBOHC — Shoved It Up The Backsides Of His Critics. Has is origins with the hunch I had about Jeff Deslauriers and my misplaced belief that he’d become an actual NHL goaltender after a five-game hot streak. Not to be confused with SIUTBOHS, Shoved It Up The Backsides Of His Supporters, which is what Deslauriers did by morphing into Andre Racicot, triggering untold scorn from those I suggested he’d violated. Nikolai Khabibulin has assumed the SIUTBOHC mantra this season. We’ll see.

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            Yes thanks and I appreciate the passion you exhibit towards Mr. Brownlee, but that’s not what I’m asking. My question was why we are expected to know it in the first place.

            A well written article would have spelled it out and offered the acronym in brackets afterwards on the first occurrence. In which case the author would be free to use said acronym repeatedly throughout the article and the reader would know what it means.

            Under no standard of good writing should the author toss around a little used acronym of his own creation under the assumption that the reader has read the entire archive of the website.

            My original question wasn’t even that abrasive. And sorry I didn’t have the time to sit there and refresh the site waiting for an answer. For a man that puts on the image of being a badass, Brownlee sure got butthurt in a hurry.

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            I’m ending this here. Read Brownlee’s comment to WTF’s question and that will give you a great indication of his maturity level.

            WTF asks a simple question and he is called a dick? How is that a legit way of dealing with a question. WTF is a TROLL?! I think not.

            Why not take off the rose coloured glasses and see the truth. It’s quite obvious.

            And for the record, Brownlee acted like an A-hole the way he dealt with this situation so poorly.

            I’m done listening to his time slot on 1260 and reading his posts. How can I respect a journalist who acts like a brat to his readers?

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            Why would I be blocked? I asked a legitimate question and Brownlee’s the one that perpetuated it by littering the site with references to me and my cake eating. Was it because I didn’t say “please” in my original question?

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            Wake up and smell the trees though the forest, so Brownlee called you out for a legitimate* question, oh no my feelings are hurt. Cry me a river, that’s what he does, he’s done it to me and to others, we laugh it off and keep going, that sense of humor thing again that you don’t seem to have. You had to keep poking the bear, now you are playing he said this, he said that, i only want to know something. Just stop, you’ve lost, IT’S OVER!!!!! Unless you insist on keeping it going then you are dumber than we all think you are.

            * legitimate in this case means stupid.

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            You’re more worked up than I am… I’m just here to defend my position. I was called out and I answered the bell.

            I don’t care if you think Brownlee “won” .. what did he win exactly? Your admiration? My congratulations, that means a lot to… no one.

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            I’m not actuall worked up, just trying to provoke you to see how dumb you are and how long i can keep you going and look it’s working, what a surprise.

            BTW if no one is you then damn! I did know I mean that much to you. Thanks, i will sleep better now.

            For the acronym challenged, ie you, that stands for by the way.

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            Fist off, thanks for confirming you are the same guy.

            Second, I repeat unclench and try to relax.

            Third, you obviously have no sense of humor.

            Forth, maybe you and wtf can go and join the canucks army or leafs nation and live happily ever after together as you cry yourselves to sleep because you were morons and got called out on it.

        • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

          You really are as thick as a post.

          The whole SIUTBOHC and most of the other acronyms used here are a send-up, a joke, something that’s a gag.

          If you don’t get it, too bad. Now get lost.

          • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

            So maybe the next time you base an article on an acronym that the average person doesn’t know the meaning to, you can type “for Brownlee groupies only” in the headline so I don’t waste my time trying to read it.

          • Romulus' Apotheosis

            maybe the next time you’re in a futureshop walk up to sales rep. and say:

            wtf is 120hz on a HDTV and why are we expected to know what that means?

            then instead of waiting for an answer, leave the store.

            A couple of days later you find out from a friend that the sales rep. has been telling stories about this random guy that came in asked a flippant question and then disappeared.

            Despite this… disclaimers have been put up everywhere, including by the sales rep. stating that 120hz refers to X.

            You return a few days later, ignore the disclaimers and lose it… but you do discover your Bosom Buddy Dennis in the parking lot selling Dustin Penner Specials. Aww… happy ending, I love those!

          • Romulus' Apotheosis

            Hardly a fair comparison. For one, I did not seek help or assistance from Mr. Brownlee, I wanted clarification on what he was saying. I assumed that since this site is so full of bad dudes with cool attitudes, the way I asked wouldn’t be particularly offensive. Guess I was wrong.

            I did come back to check if I got a response, but instead found Brownlee dismissing me as a troll and being pretty mean spirited about it. So fine he’s grouchy, I left it at that. Then I come back and find he writes a post pretty much dedicated to me, calling me all sorts of names and insulting me because I didn’t “get” his joke. A bit of an overreaction no?

  • Quicksilver ballet

    Not sure who’s playing the Ice Hole here but kudos to wtf. Not many guys deserve their own catch phrase be added to the archives…. but his entry deserves to be acknowledged.

    FYATHYRIO is a staple on any forum.

  • Romulus' Apotheosis

    Oh man, this is the most thorough and excruciating Brownlee Battery I’ve witnessed in my short time here at ON! Like a water buffalo mating with a 78 pinto it’s horrific to watch but impossible to look away!

    Brownlee is operating at a different level here, not with a bunker-buster but with a scalpel. Death by a thousand cuts, indeed!

    Kudos gentlemen for some great entertainment!

  • Romulus' Apotheosis

    @wtf

    as junior member of the “fraternity of amateur comedians” let me say a couple of things

    This is a welcoming place. it is a vibrant community of dedicated Oiler nuts. we get serious. we get silly. we argue. we piss each other off. we harass one another. we make each other laugh. we cheer together in Oiler joy and punch walls together in Oiler frustration.

    I read a lot of blogs covering various topics. This is the only one I comment at. Precisely because it is welcoming. The authors engage the commenters here. They answer questions and tell stories. They spend their valuable time on us. Not many blogs can boast the kind of dedication to readers this site can. They take our s@$t (since you’re unlikely to ask Brownlee about the crap he gets, ask Willis), listen patiently to our theories and hold us in check when we get too excited or too pessimistic.

    So when you come here, you show some respect. You develop a relationship with people so they know if you are being legit, crass, silly, snarky, or sarcastic… but mostly that you are not trying to waste anyone’s time. Lots of people abuse the internet with junk trying to drag people into nonsense.

    After all, Brownlee called you out as a potential troll in a pretty mild way. All he said was:

    You sound rather hostile, Bub. Are you actually interested in the answer or did you just swing by — the link to your name doesn’t reveal a profile, even a fake one — to be dick?.

    Any non-troll at that point simply says: “Sorry, if I was misunderstood, but that was a genuine question.”

    Pretty easy.

    People are welcome on here. But they have to

    1) show respect

    2) be able to stand up to some old fashioned Brownlee Bluster and shoot back straight, not venom.

  • @Robin Brownlee

    Justifiably, I mug your sorry backside by force-feeding you a well-deserved heaping helping of dung in response as part of an item your initial dickishness helped create.

    Spit out my coffee when I read that line.

  • Mr Brownlee,

    I am confused. I don’t understand how acronyms are now being considered staples of good journalism?

    I am also offended by your RAGE at us “knuckleheads”. I’m sorry I don’t understand your use of capital letters to spell out something that was probably easier being typed out in complete sentences.

    I don’t know if Oilers Nation has created a cult following, enough for you to think you are some sort of Rock Star Journalist, but you should show some professionalism when dealing with people like WTF. Your response to him and this whole article shows me that you got pissed off at him for bruising your ego.

    I had respect for your journalism and I also liked listening to you on 1260 but I am beginning to judge you in a different light. A light I don’t want to turn on under any circumstance.

    Be the bigger man, show some class and lay off the name calling and temper tantrums. Respect the readers of your website who value a well written piece of journalism. I am guessing we are probably far bigger group than the group of fans who buy into the acronyms. You will garner more respect that way.

    • Romulus' Apotheosis

      What kind of journalism do you read? Any specialized region of knowledge is replete with acronyms.

      Go read some wire reports coming out of the UN, the NYSE, or any NGO. You are bound to encounter jargon, technical information and numerous acronyms.

      No, the burden isn’t solely on you to have foreknowledge of these acronyms. But, that isn’t the issue here. The issue is how you go about informing yourself.

      Also, if you don’t get that the proliferation of acronyms on ON is joke, I can’t help you.

  • Romulus' Apotheosis

    I dont think you’d want to mess with brownlee. Seen the guy in person couple of times and he reminds me of a mix between Roy “big country” Nelson and Tank Abbot. Google these 2 guys. I’m sure if they had a kid it would e brownlee

    • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

      So this discussion of maturity levels is becoming a fist fight? LOL Seriously?!

      Romulus’ Apotheosis:
      That is not a fair assessment. Brownlee’s acronyms are completely made up and serve no real purpose other than for laughs and amusement. I have no problem with that.

      I do have a problem with his post and basically calling us readers who have no idea what they mean “knuckleheads”. His post reeks with undertones of immaturity.

      Reading between the lines, it looks like he’s treating us the same way a “cool crowd” in high school would treat a new guy. Because we don’t get the inside joke we all suck so he has to treat us like idiots and explain it to us in simple form.

      And then he takes it a step further by insulting a reader using the same maturity level as a 16 year old.

      It’s not cool coming from a gentleman who is over 50. I expected more from him.

      • Romulus' Apotheosis

        Don’t do it, don’t do it… a… eff… here we go…

        It is a fair assessment. You said:

        I don’t understand how acronyms are now being considered staples of good journalism?

        In response to that I asked you to read some journalism and not find acronyms.

        Look…

        There are lots of things on here that I don’t fully understand and ask questions about: corsi, fenwick, qualcomp and acronyms.

        I ask and I get answers. Try to get one out of your NYT. Having someone explain something for your benefit is something you should show respect for, right?

        Now…

        The jokes. clearly we make fun of these esoteric data points at the same time that we employ them… it’s a parody. SIUTBOHC is a joke! and no one is keeping you from it… it was happily answered in the comments section and on this article. WTF never bothered to read! what do you call that if not a troll?

  • Bicepus Maximus - Huge fan boy!

    Internet/blog trolls often use the phrase “first comment” (short: FIRST) in the first comment of posted blog/article/video etc.

    The clever moderator(s) here at ON, rather than deleting such comments, simply edited it by deleting the “R” from the word to poke a little fun at the ON “trolls”. Trolls not unlike myself.

    The altered “FIST” was embraced by the trolls and the moderators. And the babies remained babies.

  • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

    @ Dennis and @ wtf

    This is the same guy right? Didn’t have anyone to back you up so you created a friend?

    Don’t take this so seriously, unclench and try to relax and have some fun.

  • Spaghetti - Team Facalto

    Yes that’s how the Romans, Greeks and all the other bananas settled things. When me and my friends get into an argument we wrestle and the first one to tap out loses the fight and the argument.

    It’s either you tap out or pass out

    Ie. on our way to bc once we had an argument while driving so we decide to look for a grassy flat patch on the side of the road, pull over and took off our shoes, no talk and started to wrestle, I get a rear naked choke, he tapped out, end of discussion

  • Quicksilver ballet

    If one had a friend whom he wanted to help rehabilitate this mouth breathing condition. Where would one inquire in an effort to gain access to such an instrument with these impressive life saving features? I don’t see a date on this advert for The Perfect Breather, maybe i’ll google it first.