GDB 71.0: BATTLE OF ALBERTA

Oh hey Calgary. How’s things? It’s just Wanye – your friendly neighbour to the North. Just thought we’d pop in with a few friends to talk about the ice hockey match this evening.

Things aren’t as dire up here in Edmonton as seasons of XXth, 30th, 30th and 29th would suggest. Yeah we know you are better than us on paper. You have an all world goalie capable of winning you any game he decides. We have a worn out old Russian and some 9 foot something or other backing him up.

Your Captain has X 30 goal seasons in a row, our Captain makes $30 million dollars a game.

PROOF MEET PUDDING

We know that you have been to the playoffs X times since 2006 and all we have been getting up here is our collective asses handed to us. We know we aren’t even close to you in the standings.

We know that the cumulative 5 year record of our respective teams is:

We know all sorts of facts.

Having said all of that:

WE WOULD RATHER BE US THAN YOU

That’s right. The Oilers are coming out of an extended dark age and yours are only beginning now. And you know it too – don’t even pretend you can’t see four or five years of basement dwelling on the horizon ahead of you. Look how old you are! And the no trade clauses! Tsk tsk tsk. It boggles the mind!

Had any UFA or RFA of note chosen the Edmonton Oilers in the past 10 years we might be in a similar pickle. But guess what. They didn’t. And the garbage that we were able to sign are almost all off the books. Then you know what happens? That’s when the winning starts.

Now sure that might be tomorrow and not today. We know that you are surging ETC ETC ETC and hope to put a playoff berth firmly in your sights tonight. And we know that this ain’t exactly the best Oilers squadron of the past 3

There are many areas the Oilers can whip the Calgary Flames at and this includes:

SEXIER BRASS

Sutter v Renney? Are we kidding here? Not to mention that the corpse of Tambellini could be left in the sun for a week and be more attractive in a bathing suit than Jay Feaster. No no, this isn’t even a contest between the two franchises.

MORE RYANS

Compare the rosters

MORE SQUEEE

Something something

MORE NUGE

Something something

AND SO

In closing here are some more incendiary quotes from OilersNation via twitter:

@bcherri01 This one is for first dibs on tee times #battleofalberta

@JSBMrevolution Time to show the world who the REAL best cousin kissers are #Wait #battleofalberta

@MyqWilson “Who wins BOA? Jay Feaster asks for the question to be rephrased in the form of a cheeseburger*

You are the worst monsters in human history. We look forward to watching you miss the playoffs.

Signed,

A team out of the playoffs for XX consecutive months

PS Even at the end of the article we would STILL rather be us than you.

  • cableguy - 2nd Tier Fan

    By the way, Eberle has now passed the Sedin twins in the scoring race. He is now top 10 in scoring. Because he is one of the ten best forwards in the league. Takeasuckathat.

  • Wax Man Riley

    And another thing…. How do you flames fans actually think that Jay Feas….

    Flames fans? *looks around*

    *calls out* FLAAAAAAMMESSSS FAAAAAANNNSSSSS!!!

    *hears crickets*

    Wonder where they all went…..

    *goes back to playing Mass Effect 3, forgets all about The Flames. Just like the hockey gods.*

  • Oilers4ever

    See you on the golf course in a month there Calgary Geriatrics…

    What a joke of team you have. HAHAHAHAHA

    Oh.. and by the way there Jeff LeBlowMe… maybe you should go to Etown once in awhile. I don’t live there myself (not in the Calgary Cowpie hole either mind you) and even I know downtown Etown has new sky scrapers going up. Seriously.. you must pretty insecure with yourself to make comments about something you know jack-crap about.. clearly it shows…

    As stated… back to your fetal position.. we feel for you cheering for a team with no hope or future…

  • RKD

    Calling all Coiler fans from Deadmonton:

    Let me know when you guys *cough, cough*, win a Stanley Cup. Better yet, call me when you make the playoffs. Oh wait a minute, call me when you are a .500 team.

    So you have 3 top forwards, it still wasn’t enough to carry your team. You don’t have a goalie, you don’t have any d-men.

    Just because Chicago and Pittsburgh won Stanley Cups doesn’t mean your team will. Pittsburgh balanced their drafting by taking a goalie(Fleury) and a d-man(Letang). While Chicago may not have top goalie, they still have Keith/Seabrook/Kane/Toews. Again, balance, it can’t all be one-sided.

    Look at the Islanders, what’s that? Yes, the Islanders with all their draft picks. Still can’t make the playoffs or reach .500. Why? No goalie and terrible d. Sound familiar?

    • The Soup Fascist

      Good well thought out argument and I am serious when I say that. Because the organization has not yet adressed those issues. But I am way more comfortable about the direction of the Oilers than the Flames.

      I will pose a straightforward question to you which I would like an honest answer to. Which team will have a better overall record over the next three years and will it be close?

      • RKD

        I really can’t answer your question.

        I do know this for sure, the future looks bright with Baertschi. Backlund will be healthy.

        We finally have a solid back up goalie. If Cammy can regain his old scoring touch.

        We have $20 million freed up in cap space in the offseason, probably $6-7 will be used up resigning some guys.

        However, if we land a big fish like Parise we will be in even better shape. I would also like to land another top 4 d-man.

        Back to your question, maybe three years from now the Oilers might have a better record.

        While we have seen glimpses of what they can do like early in the season they have yet to show me consistency. And believe me, we here in Calgary know all about consistency.

        • Oilers89

          I highly doubt that Parise or any top four dman will just sign with calgary. A trade might make it happen, but I doubt that the flames have anything that people will want in a trade, maybe Sven but that is about it besides the people who carry the flames (iginla and Kipper). Secondly it is the veterans on the oilers that have been inconsistent , and the kids have been consistent basically all year. The oilers will replace some of these veterans and with solid goaltending (by someone) they will win their fair share of games.

          • The Soup Fascist

            It is going to be hard to to attract a Parise to Calgary and let’s face it, Alberta is not a hot destination for UFA stars. I would remind you that most free agents would pick Calgary over Edmonton. Not only is Edmonton a “hell hole”, it will never be a world class Canadian city like Calgary. The mentally challenged Oiler fans for some strange season believe that one day, they may become the Chicago Blackhawks or Pittsburgh Penguins dream teams. Never going to happen. Just wait 3 or 4 years when the young stars bolt for LA or New York.
            Go back to wearing your black socks with sandals, you inbred hillbilly!

        • The Soup Fascist

          I guess we will agree to disagree. I don’t know as much about the farm team as a casual Flames fan but beyond Sven (and I am certainly not sure he is going to be a 40 goal 80 point guy) I don’t see any high end guys. The Flames drafts have been poor and not sure if amateur scout people have changed

          Everyone has a bad veteran contract or two (the Oil have their share) but Calgary has as few now and a few more potential.

          All I know is bad vet contracts and poor E-level contract talent is a recipe for disaster and I don’t see a short term fix for the Flames. Why would Parise take a contract in the NW division if he can get similar $ with an East coast contender? A US kid who played his whole career in the NYC area? Don’t see it.

          Not saying Oil are winning the Cup but I do see them way ahead of the Flames soon. And by rights they should be with 3 years of extremely high picks. That is the fun part. We will see.

    • Oilers89

      Letang was drafted in the second round or something like that, same with keith. Those two were not drafted high so really the oilers could have dmen just like that in their minor league system right now. Also Petry is developing nicely and did not let Iginla or anybody on calgary get any good chances yesterday. The oilers need a goalie, they need a top dman, and maybe another dman, give the oilers just one or two of those players and they are in really good shape. I cannot say the same about the flames, I am sorry but they are falling off a cliff.

    • Bryzarro World

      Hey dumbass… Still talking out both sides of your ass I see. Great. This is the giy who claimed skewing when he was in fact the one talkin BS and changing the context of the convo.

      For all u tools that think edmonton is dead think again. Actually more n more buisnesses are moving away from calgary. Capital powe closed it’s offices as well as a few other major buisnesses, call centers, etc

      Your mayor is spouting muslim propaganda as well… How that workin out for you?

      You.guys wanna be toronto so bad you had to erect a giant peni$ in the air like a little jealous brother from your surrounding trailer parks.

      Also why does your dt smell like horse crap or yeast year round? Suck losers u have to bitch about others to make urself feel better.

      • RKD

        You my friend are the dumbass.

        Sorry our city is more diverse than the hole you live in.

        We don’t want to be Toronto, not in a million years.

        Everyone knows the West is the best.
        You’re one to talk, that’s the pot calling the kettle black.