GDB 36.0: FEASTER AND FAMINE

While the Flames shipped out Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester and replaced them with prospects that Barry Fraser wouldn’t draft, the Oilers skate into the Saddledome ready to show Flames fans what six years of sucking can do for you.

The Flames haven’t won a playoff series since 2004, the Oilers have won three since then, and in 24 days the Phlegms will be out of the playoffs for the 4th straight year. Make no mistake the last seven years have been brutal for Oilers fans, but at least they have something to show for their loyalty. The Oilers seven-year drought produced Taylor Hall, Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Nail Yakupov, Magnus Paajarvi and Sam Gagner.

The Flames’ plunge into suckville has garnered them first rounders like: Mikael Backlund (softer than oleo), Greg Nemisz (4th liner in AHL), Tim Erixon (oops, he wouldn’t sign in your dump of a city), _______ (didn’t have 1st or 2nd round pick when missing 2010 playoffs), Sven Baertschi (solid potential 2nd liner) and Mark Jankowski (say it slowly, Stanstead College in Quebec).

Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot had a brighter future.

Most Oilers fans won’t poke that much fun at Calgary, okay one might in a few paragraphs, mainly because Edmontonians doesn’t possess the inferiority complex that exists in Calgary. Oiler fans won’t need to say, "At least we finished higher in the standings than you," which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.

Think about that for a second.

Your team never made the playoffs, in fact they "Choked" every year in the final ten games. For the past three years, the Flames were close to the playoffs with ten games to go, and in those combined 30 games, you won a paltry 12. You averaged 4 wins in the final 10 games of the season in your annual push-to-the-playoffs-only-to-fail-and-not-get-a-top-ten-pick.

The only thing more inept than Steve Tambellini’s summer free agent signings, is the Flames management in February and March and the Flames play on the ice in March and April.

Which leads us to tonight…

The Oilers and their fans head into this game knowing they will win, which is exactly how the Flames and their fans have felt the last three years. It won’t be much of a battle, considering the Flames most effective forward these days is Brian McGrattan.

The Flames got a better return for Joe Piskula than they have for Jarome Iginla and Jay Bouwmeester. At least McGrattan is on your team and contributing. Top-notch GMing by Feaster and company.

  • Hall/Nugent-Hopkins/Eberle
  • Paajarvi/Gagner/Hemsky
  • Jones/Horcoff/Yakupov
  • Brown/Smyth/Petrell
  • Smid/Petry
  • N.Schultz/J.Schultz
  • Whitney/Potter
  • Dubnyk

The Flames will counter with a lineup that would battle stage an epic battle with the 2010 Oilers:

GAME DAY PREDICTION: Oilers win their 5th straight with an easy 4-2 win. The Oilers top line has combined for 19 points in the last four games and they will register six tonight.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Many in Calgary will claim, "Awesome deal, getting something (5th rounder) for Blake Comeau." Get used to saying this Flames fans, as you enter into the phase where you think every draft pick will pan out eventually.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: After he admitted Monday night that he hadn’t been, "intellectually honest about his team," Jay Feaster announces during the 2nd period intermission that the Flames will indeed be a playoff contender next year. "Mikka Kiprusoff begged me not to trade him today. He’s committed to winning and we will sign him to an extension in the summer.

"Also, now that Jarome Iginla, who secretly always preferred his hometown over Calgary, is gone our core guys will flourish. Want to wager on where we finish relative to Edmonton next year? I’ll tell you very honestly. I’m getting a little sour. How many teams . . . every year, for the last 10 years, five years, eight years, have finished in the bottom five, bottom seven, bottom 10? They’ve had a pick anywhere from No. 1 to No. 10 year after year after year after year, and they still wander in the desert. And they’re no closer to getting out than they were 10 years ago. We are still positioned better than the Oilers," screams Feaster. 

Good times…

***UPDATE...Turns out the NSOGDB wasn’t that far off… An actual quote from Jay Feaster today…"Murray Edwards (Flames majority owner)  told me last evening that he expects us to be in the playoffs next year." You can’t make this up. Wow, Edwards is delusional if he believes that. 

AND NOW A WORD FROM A DIEHARD OILER FAN

Jeanshorts runs the Oilersnation twitter and when he heard I was writing this GDB he begged me to let him write a quite blurb on behalf of all Oilers fans… so here goes… 

Oh, Calgary…

Where do we even begin? 

You’re like the Springfield Tire Yard of the NHL; You’re ugly, can be smelled in 46 states (and 10 provinces) and you’re nothing but a humungous pile of burning rubble at this point.  

If this is what Jay Fester considers "retooling" then dear god DO NOT let him near your car. It’d be like Pimp My Ride if instead of putting TV’s and a new engine in they blew the car up and told you to "never speak of this again!" 

Although, it’s not like we should really be surprised that Feaster buttfumbled BOTH the Iginla and Bouwmeester trades. We’ve all seen Spaceballs; it’s only a matter of time until he accidentally locks himself in a limousine and eats himself to death. 

But hey, it’s not all no-name prospects and crying into your cousins breasts in Cowtown. I mean, at least your leading goal scorer isn’t former Oiler 4th liner Curtis Glencross. 

And it’s not like you’re relying on a guy who hasn’t played an NHL game in 4 years and only has 11 career wins to be your number one goalie next season.

Or that your hot-shot first round pick flamed out (PUN INTENDED) with only one assist in his 10-game stint. 

Or that you traded away two of your marquee players and somehow wound up with an even worse prospect pool than you started with, which was already one of the worst in the league. 

Actually, basically all that’s left is for Murray Edwards to sign Feaster to a five year extension and you’ll be set!  

 You know what, this is typical Calgary. First you steal all our business headquarters and now you have the audacity to steal the title of "Most Comically Inept Run Team In The National Hockey League"? THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS! 

Unfortunately Calgary looks like they’ll be rewarded for this absolute atrocity of a season with a top-three pick. The good thing is that with their recent draft history the nation of Bosnia will be able to celebrate their country’s first ever draft pick as the Flames select their top high school player Ahmed Mujo (56GP-0G-0A). 

We fully believe in Karma and things coming full circle. Flames fans, and management, have been ripping the Oilers futility hard for the last 4 years. I hope you brought a flashlight, sleeping bag and foamy Calgary, because the basement is dark, damp and it smells like Jerry Sandusky’s rec room. Payback’s a bitch and this one’s going to hurt. A lot. 

Tell your hot cousin I said what’s up. 

"They’re ALL my hot cousin!" – Guy from Calgary

Love, Oilersnation

 RECENTLY BY JASON GREGOR

    • oldhippy

      Feaster is like Kevin Lowe… He tried a “Re-Tool” drafted Gagne, Cogliano, Pouliott, & Schremp and thought they were gonna rebound… 4,5,&6 yrs later they had 3 first overall picks. Out of sheer mismanagement that 3 year gap in there cost them all cred & ruined arguably all of the above mentioned players and others. Only by sheer luck did they fall on their face to land their recent 1st overalls. Luck won’t strike twice in the same province.

      If Feaster actually said they are better positioned than Edmonton now, he’s seriously wrong in the head. He’s on glue if he doesn’t see his plan is flawed. He’s absolutely towing the company line or one of the biggest numbskulls in the business.

      If they ruin Sven & Johnny Hockey its gonna get ugly.

    • Travis Dakin

      It’s so bad. Like, I can’t even enjoy this. I actually feel bad for them. They really have no idea how much this is going to suck. I’m 33. The PRIME years of my life were robbed from me by the pain of being an Oilers fan. Now, these Flames fans are just at the beginning. It’s such a long, horrible, humiliating road. And at the end, you come out a lot greyer, angrier and your balls sag a lot lower.

      And then, when they do start winning, you can’t even enjoy THAT because you’re so damn jaded! The Oilers could win the cup this year and I’d still wake up in the morning wondering how Tambo is going to screw up the celebration.

      The worst thing for the Flames too, is that this year ANY team missing the playoffs can win the lottery! Haha

      • everton fc

        Unless Feaster & company sign UFA and trade for young, seasoned NHL pros.

        Another way to rebuild. I simply don’t trust Feaster & Weisbrod with this task.

      • I’m still waiting for the Oilers to barely miss the playoffs and win the Lotto with a 0.002% chance.

        On his way to shake Daly’s hand he gives Feaster the old Finger Shoot Eye Wink and smiles like the dumb bastard he is for the next 45 minutes while TSN is asking him “What is it like to draft 1st Overall for the 4th year in a row?”

        Answer? “Better this year because I didnt have to trade my best forward and defenseman *turns to Jay and Winks again* to do it.”

    • Vintage Flame

      Exactly… I remember when we were in the EXACT SAME PLACE.

      We thought the rebuild would take 1-2 years. We thought Cogliano and Gagner were the answers (read Backlund and Baertschi). Our GM swung for the fences trying to land players via offer sheet. Then the bottom fell out.

      We didn’t know what was ahead… Its so long, painful and terrible that we still aren’t even out of the woods. I hope the Lames are ready for a LONG ride of pure absolute suckery. I suppose they could short circuit it a bit and get back to middling for 8th place like the Leafs. But if you are gonna suck, you might as well do it right.

  • RexLibris

    Could you imagine Larry McDonald’s calling you and talking about how great a place Calgary would be to play if you were a college FA? You’d have to check your call display, put him on hold and Google the bastard to figure out who the hell you were talking to. Goodness fLames…such a poor history, a disappointing recent past and dismal future.

    Enjoy!

  • Toro

    NSOGDP- Flames ask Oilers if they can just toss all the sticks
    in at centre ice and pick teams that way, in order to save
    the fans from watching the Future too soon.
    Once Glencross puts on a Oil Jersey again , he refuses
    to take it off after the game, threatening retirement
    if he has to wear that Flaming C any longer. Seeing
    That, Kipper agrees to a Trade to Florida.

  • Vintage Flame

    In 212 games played vs. the Oil, the Flames are;
    105-85-19-3

    Can you guys even get close to .500 before the Flames sort this out? Hahahaha.. I’ll take bets on that one.

    • Chaz

      In 5 Playoff series vs the Flames, the Oilers are;

      4-1

      Oh, and the one we lost we scored the winner on ourselves. Just in case you wanted to talk about games that really count.

      • 24% body fat

        whats the problem vintage flame? no comment on this?

        in case you forgot, which i doubt since your likely still traumatized, the oil iced one of the greatest teams in history.

        dont really remember anybody ever saying that about a flames team.

        enjoy the toilet flamers, looks good on you.

  • Vintage Flame

    Wow.. I know you Oilers types aren’t used to having much… errr, anything to talk smack about, but I waited 30 some odd hours for this

    Christ Gregor, I’m harder on the Flames than this… AND I’M A FLAMES FAN!!

  • Scary Gary

    “Oiler fans won’t need to say, “At least we finished higher in the standings than you,” which was the rallying cry in Calgary the last three years.”

    Seriously? The last three years? The oilers haven’t finished above the flames since 2002/2003. I wonder if we’ll have to develop the same short term memory oiler fans are notorious for…ugh!

    • O.C.

      Really? Think about what you have..

      Really? So what you’re saying is the Flames crap tastes better? At least the Oil used their crap to fertilize growth.

      Really? It’s so bad that it’s not even fun to make fun of the Flames anymore. Oil fans know what’s ahead for Calgary. What they can’t figure out is why they prolonged it.

      (Bazinga)

      Olive Branch… “Vancouver Sucks”

  • Time Travelling Sean

    This is a nice change, but it’s still unfair, only 48 games you Shamers have to put up with. GL with Seth, hope he doesn’t turn into Johnson.

  • vetinari

    Dear Flame fans: Good luck on the “re-tooling” by the #1 tool in your organization, Uncle Fester. Let us know how that works out for you, won’t you? Now, with all those #1 draft picks you have in this year’s draft, will we see all of them in a Flames uniform by this October? Or more likely, by 2017?

  • schevvy

    Nathan Mckinnon will look good in Calgary red. Perhaps next year they can suck enough to get Sam Rheinhart. They’ll be 4 years behind the Oilers rebuild but in the years to come it will be nice to see all that top level talent in one place. Alberta. That is the one positive I see for both us and Calgary. The quality of the talent in the next few years will be awesome. Imagine being Vancouver? I’d hate to be their fanbase in the next few years.Always the bridesmaid never the bride.

    And yeah Calgary you officially suck. Eat Buffalo pie and enjoy the cellar. Oilers 6-1 in a crushing win over the hapless Flames. Hall with 4 poinst and Ebs with the trick.

  • schevvy

    Re: NSOGDP, apparently he couldn’t wait until the second intermission, TSN is indicating that Feaster is already saying that ownership is giving him his marching orders to make the playoffs next year.

    As a thoroughly frustrated fan that has been watching an incompetent GM wander aimlessly for the last few years this is shaping up to be the start of some damn fine entertainment to see another team go through something equally embarrassing.

  • khlhfs

    I’m an oilers fan and I have to say I’m ashamed of how bad this smack talk is. When it comes to these flames GDB’s Wanye’s the man. Gregor is a professional though, so I guess he can’t go off the rails.

    • RexLibris

      Rrrrriiiiiight.

      😉

      Best of luck tonight Schevvy. Maybe restock the liquor cabinet: if the Flames win, it’s celebration time! If they lose….it’s celebration time!

      Honestly, an injured animal is the most dangerous, and these Flames are well and truly bleeding out. If the Oilers approach with complacency or arrogance it could get away from them very quickly. Tonight will be a good test of whether this young team can focus, or become distracted by standings and what might be.

  • yawto

    Here come the Oilers first season series win against the flames in a long time. Nice to have front row seats to thier demise. Like Gregor said, the problem with the Flames is they base thier suckcess on how they finish compared to us. We base our success on how we do compared to the rest of the league. While we were busy sucking you guys managed to just barely ice a better product but were happy with that. While you guys are sucking for the next decade, promise we will let you come to Edmonton and have a peek at what Lord Stanley looks like. And don’t worry Flame boys, we been keeping the 30th place seat nice and warm for you. Sit back and get comfortable in it, looks like you are going to be there a long time.