MCJESUS RISES

I am literally happier than if I had won the actual lottery.

There are times when the English language lacks the subtlety and nuances to properly express the complex emotions surging through our veins. This is one of those times. The Oilers have won the 2015 Draft Lottery and will pick Connor McDavid first overall this summer.

Let that sink in. Tattoo it on your face if need be. Rename your children Connor McDavid if you have any. It turns out there was a plan all along. Everything crappy that has happened to date: all of the failed trades, all of the mismanaged careers or failed expectations have all led up to a singularity. We will forever measure our lives in BC (Before Connor) and AD (After Draft)

This is waaaaay better than the 2006 Cup Run which heretofore was the best Oilers related thing that had happened in my lifetime as an Oilers fan.

WHERE WERE YOU?

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Old people always talk to each other about where they were when historical events went down. You measure your life looking back and use times like these as milestones of where you were. So like how grey hairs remember fondly being at Goose Loonies in the 80s when Cups were being won, we too will one day regale each other where we were when Connor came to town over old man coffee in a Burger King at 9 AM.

With the exception of Parker Knox (more on him later) few of the remaining Oilers fans were expecting much of anything to go down at the draft lottery. So no one was gathered together in any great number, in a sports bar or in an arena when one of the most important events in Oilers history occurred against all odds. Which means we were all over the place all over the world.

I will never forget where I was when the lottery was announced. I had worn my Hope Will Never Die shirt — which is now forever my “lucky Oilers shirt” — but was having a sombre dinner meeting. Watching the count down on the screen in Earls I was rolling my eyes at every pick. Who cares when you draft, Carolina? Bugger off Leafs, with your forceful and decisive President. Everything was going to plan — there was no movement of anyone on the board. So when our ‘ol Uncle Bill — who hooks us up on the reg by the way — drew the third envelope and the Oilers logo was in it, I immediately thought “oh great, third place. DAMN OILERS” 

Then some small part of my brain simultaneously wondered “Why is the background of the Oilers logo gold?” But then the dominant part of my brain kicked back in ruling, “Who cares, go back to being mad about the Oilers.” As they updated the graphics on the draft board to have the Oilers at first pick my entire brain pan literally exploded trying to comprehend what was going on and process this information.

When 1+1 finally equalled two I let out a yell so loud that the waitress dropped her entire tray of drinks. Then people in the restaurant looked up at the screens and let out a cheer. Then you could hear the sound of people explaining to their table mates the history they had just witnessed. I excused myself politely from the meeting and was back at Wanye Manor within 10 minutes of The Announcement and partied like we had won the 2019 Western Conference Finals.*

Where were you? Let us know in the comments.

WHAT THIS MEANS

McJesus

What does drafting Connor McDavid mean? It means that the Oilers just got struck by lightning while buying a winning lottery ticket. It means that the best player since God knows when just landed in our lap by the randomness of luck or Kay-Z’s infinite supply of hard cash in briefcases because he paid Bettman $500 million to rig the thing so everyone in his home town would stop calling him names. Whatever – what is done is done. Like a bolt out of the blue everything has suddenly changed for the better.

It means that the Oilers lineup has been drastically reordered at the highest level. It means an immediate surge in production for whoever gets the golden tickets to play on 97’s line. It means free agents will be more likely to consider Edmonton and makes any and all pieces available for a trade to plug holes. It means a tsunami of wins to wash over previous mountains of losses. It means you don’t need to know Corsi-Fenwick15 or be a mathematical engineer to know Connor McDavid is gonna get a ton of points in an Oilers jersey in the decade to come. It means we are no longer the bitch of the NHL.

It boggles the very mind, it does.

MVP PARKER KNOX

Knox

Check out one of the most hard core Oilers fans you would ever care to meet. 

So my boy Parker tags me in a Facebook post on lottery morning with a rant about cheering for McDavid to come to Edmonton. “I feel it in my bones he is coming here,” he told me. “I just know its going to happen.” All day long he is telling anyone who will listen that the Oilers are going to win the lottery. Then he has the stones to stand in front of his TV praying like an emoji and then the Oilers get McDavid. Probably the only Oilers fan on earth who called it.

That picture is just epic. I won’t soon forget where he was when history went down. It is a testament to positivity, to determination. It’s also about a dog with no chill who has to look away in fear. It is the best moment in the last 20 years in Oilers history caught on film.

DOWN WITH THE HATERS

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Since the greatest thing ever happened I find myself just walking around smiling.I keep wondering, “Did I dream this? Am I in a coma? ARE WE ALL DEAD LIKE IN LOST AND THIS IS FAKE?” Everything is all of a sudden awesome and the next 15 years of drastically upgraded Oilers hockey loom miraculously on the horizen all of a sudden. Its truly mind shattering.

Yet there are still tons of us remaining Oilers fans who are downplaying this lotto win. They are still rightly griping about Lowe or MacT or blaming Shultz’ 1000 errors this year. I think we have a million reasons to be pissed at a million things the Oilers have screwed up of late and right on every single count. We also just won the 2015 Draft Lottery and got Connor McDavid.

Life is short. I am going to fawn over Connor McDavid and organize work crews to clean up the town and move all the unattractive women to resettlement camps in the Rocky Mountains. Rather than trying to figure out why the Oilers have been so godawful for the past nine years I am looking squarely to the future with rose coloured glasses six inches thick**. It is time to get ready for Connor McDavid and a whole new era of Oilers hockey. It is time to put all that old negative life to bed and focus on the impossibly good thing that just happened and its eventual catapult of our beloved Oilers into the (SWEET MCJESUS) playoffs.

And lets not kid ourselves: the Oilers are now the most hated team in the NHL. Viewed as incompetent beyond anything around the league we are now the Northern Canadian bumpkins who lost our way to a championship team with McDavid at the helm. Four first pics overall! I can’t stop laughing. We will need to stick together.

Let’s all try and ease up about the defence being riddled with holes or hating Kevin Lowe or how MacT stole your barbecue or anything like that. This is a new era in Oilers hockey. Let’s all draw a line in the sand and get behind this new team. It may take a couple years but all of a sudden blind, dumb, heart-warmingly kind lady luck has dealt us Connor McDavid. Let’s get to positivity quicker than Connor McDavid on a 2-on-0 break.

It is going to take some time for this to sink in. I for one am going drinking.

*Which we may by the way

**That’s what she said

  • Oilcounty88

    Why do people suddenly not think there is a place on this team for Roy? The Oilers have lacked depth down the middle for years. I still think the Oilers should/will sign Derek Roy to a cheap 1 year deal in the event that someone is going to get hurt somewhere during the year. Going into the season with 5 capable NHL caliber centers is something the Oil haven’t had in years. Instead of having to call up a minor league player to plug a hole you can have an NHL proven player who can still contribute to a lineup.

    The other issue I’m seeing is that people suddenly want to throw Draisaitl right into the line up again after he struggled for a big chunk of last year. We have the luxury of being able to do this kid a favor and let him develop at a normal pace. Let him play a full season in the AHL as the first line center, be on the number on power play unit, kill penalties, etc. If he’s on the Oilers roster next year he won’t be playing in key situations and developing like he could/should be. If I don’t see Daisaitl or Nurse in an Oilers uniform next year I might have a slight bit more respect for this management group.

    ….key word is slight

  • Aitch

    After getting off the ice myself at 9:30 NT (That’s 6pm MT) a bunch of us sat around waiting for the results. When I realized that it wasn’t going to be announced in the next five minutes I bolted for the liquor store, since it closes at 10pm. After picking up a case of beer, I went back out to my truck, looked at my twitter feed and just started laughing and yelling.

    Did I mention that the I picked up a case of those Molson Canadian steel cans with the NHL logos on top? No. Well, guess what was the first can I picked out of the case – one that I couldn’t see when I bought it? Yup. The Oilers.

    It was a good night.

    Oh, and I called it as well. It was admittedly, tongue-in-cheek, but over on another site I said something along the lines of “it’s been three years since we last picked first overall. We used to be able to pick first every year. We’re due, right?”

    WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • OILFANMEXICO

    I am happy like alot of Oiler die hards on here getting Mcdavid. I havn’t been this happy since my wife and I sold everything and retired two years ago in Mexico(42yrs young).However we can not win a cup without at least one stud defenceman, look what Pronger did for us in one year. Do what it takes get that stud. Hail the Mcdavid era!

  • OILFANMEXICO

    I was on a drilling platform in the Gulf Of Thailand sitting in my room when it flashed on my I-Pad 07:30 in the morning. Not more than a minute later I was getting messages of joy from my son and brother back in Canada. Four hard core Oilers fans out here high fiving. The Thais asked me why I was so happy so I told them we won the lottery, they want to know how much money they get.

  • Spaceman Spiff

    Listen… I think we all need to tone down the discussion about whether or not this franchise or this management group or this fandom “deserved” to win the Connor McDavid Sweepstakes. If the rest of the teams in this league want to bitch and moan, let them take it up with Gary Bettman, their local mathematician, or the designer of the lottery-ball machine.

    But, today, my conscience is clear. In my mind, the Hockey Gods finally stepped in for the Oilers.

    On a hot August day 27 years ago, hockey fans in northern Alberta were told that Wayne Gretzky had gotten too big for Edmonton.
    We were told that trading Gretzky to L.A. was, ultimately, “in the best interests of the league.”

    We were told that this needed to happen in order to “expand the game” to “untapped markets in the southern United States.”
    We were told to put up AND shut up.

    Save for a one last-gasp Cup win two years later, economics have forced the Oilers to play the smalltown, Canadian underdog role for the better part of three decades.

    Post-Gretzky-trade, hockey pundits in the U.S. and Toronto have been one-upping each other in its jeers and sneers of this franchise and this city. They tell us Edmonton simply can’t – Won’t! Shouldn’t! – attract top-end free-agents or hang onto its superstars because the city’s too small. The downtown’s too dumpy. The arena’s too old. Thirty-seven owners are too many owners. Our winters are too cold. There’s too much travel. No one in the U.S. can find the Oilers on TV … or find Edmonton on a map.

    Instead of gaining recognition for the booming, interesting capital city of one of the healthiest, wealthiest jurisdictions in North America, we’ve been called a “northern outpost” that should feel fortunate that it was allowed into the league at all.

    But, two and a half decades later, on a windy spring day in northern Alberta, the Hockey Gods finally delivered a long-overdue piece of payback for this franchise.

    We have much work to do and we must not allow poor management or bad coaching to waste this chance … but we must not apologize for getting it.

  • 99CupsofCoffey

    Sitting on the couch with my wife after .. erm… a.. “nap time” in the other room, and checked my phone. Couldn’t believe it. Even thought about having another Nap.

  • Andy7190

    Hey KATZ! Another fantastic opportunity!

    Hire Todd MacLellan! He has parted ways with the Sharks!

    Get this good veteran coach for your young core. This guy has gravitas.

  • BobbyCanuck

    Don’t be to concerned Hager, the Kool-aid will wear of by Nov 01. 2015

    MacT will not trade any of the’core’ if he does, all the players in the NHL will know he is a liar whose word cannot be trusted. He has put himself in a lose-lose situation

    Sounds like McDavid does not how to play defense, sure stick him on a line with Hall and Yak, that will turn out well.

    If we re-sign Schults, even at the same price as last year, that leaves us $400K in cap space for next season, $400K, let that sink in for a moment.

    McDavid is going to have a huge target on his head, lets hope MacT has the foresight to make sure there is someone on the ice at all times that is willing to defend him, and more importantly capable of playing with him. SOrry but Gadzic just is not going to cut it in that role.

    1 to 3 years more of suckage in front of us, but I am at least hoping that this forum does not turn into ‘Who should the Oilers draft this year?’ by October 1.

    We have been very bad for a long time, but at least now we can see some light down the road.

    btw, whatever happended to NewAgeSys, I miss his daily thesis

  • 916oiler

    I’ll never forget it – I had just biked from Midtown Sacramento to Downtown Davis for the annual ‘Picnic Day’. A celebration where the streets are filled with lovely young ladies and everyone is enjoying adult beverages of their choosing. It was a 15 mile ride, and we had just locked our bikes up, ready to begin our journey around town. With sunshine filling the bustling streets, I took out my phone to check some messages. And then it happened. My eyes gazed upon some of the sweetest, most tantalizing news ever. Yet, being in freaking Davis California, literally no one around me could comprehend what just happened. The only way I could parallel the magic that had transpired to the folk around me – my hockey team just got the next LeBron.

    I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of alcohol this weekend. What a weekend it was!

  • Oilcounty88

    I was ziplining at Grouse Mountain in Vancouver, about to rush along from Grouse Mountain to Dam Mountain at speeds of 80 km/hr when I felt the buzz of text messages from two buddies and my mother informing me that we won the lottery!
    One said: “Congratulations Edmonton: now don’t screw up McDavid”
    Another said: “F**k you” (he’s a Leafs fan)
    The last one said: “I told you! Edmonton won the lottery!” (that was my mom and she did in fact make the prediction that they’d win the draft lottery a couple of days before)
    One of the happiest days of my life. I dedicated my Sun Run 10km run the next day to Connor McDavid.

  • McDavid for PM

    I was sitting in my basement with my buddies, drinking before we headed out to a stag. Just casually watching some non oiler playoff hockey, and BAM! TSN notification that the Oilers won the lottery. Cheering and celebration ensued at the stag, oh and did I mention the stag was for a LEAFS FAN?!!!! HAHAHA

  • Northern2020

    Let me tell you.

    3rd annual dads only ski trip in Banff staying at Hidden Ridge pre 420 weekend.

    Ski’d Sunshine all day Friday and went to Loiuse the day of..

    Turbo back after reading on HF boards that the draft was at 5:30 mistakenly

    Pop open a Hop Manna from Hewbrew Brewing co and was watching it with a Nuck fan.

    In slow motion I note Bill Daley fumbles the card a bit and I tell Nuck Fan that he flinched and I see the gold card

    Screaming at the top of my lungs on the balcony

    “We won MCDAVID, can you hear me? We won Connor McDavid!!!”

    My hands were vibrating…and I was in shock for the dinner to follow and at the Rose and Crown.

    Never will forget it!!