With Game 7 being under 11 hours away, I doubt that any of you that are reading this are doing anything remotely close to what you’re supposed to be doing right now. With that in mind, I want to put together a list of ways that you can expel your nervous energy while also looking like you’re being productive at work.
If there is one thing your boy Baggedmilk is good at it’s pretending to look busy in an office setting. Before I got a full-time job at the Nation I worked for a large corporation and a big part of my day was spent trying to figure out ways that I could get through those eight+ hours without getting busted for wasting company time. On days like today, I think it’s unreasonable to expect your full attention and I want to lend a hand.
I consider myself to be a Jedi-lite when it comes to getting things done but also looking way busier than I actually am, and I wanted to share a little bit of that knowledge with you to help with your office slacking on this most stressful of days. Doing your own thing at work can be a delicate dance, but when there are massive distractions afoot like an Edmonton Oilers Game 7 then it’s bound to happen and it felt like it was my duty to help get you through the day.
SURFIN’ DAT INTERNET
At the office, one of my biggest time wasters was cruising the Internet and looking at basically anything other than work. An easy way to do it, and to lower the risk of being caught, is to resize your browser window to fit within another program that you should actually have open on your computer. Something like email should work but the more specific to your job you can get the better. I used to use this imaging program we had at work for this tactic and my browser would sit perfectly inside it. You may not get to see as much of the website as you’d like, but if someone sees your screen it will just look like part of what you’re doing.
Another thing you’re going to want to do is to turn down the brightness on your monitor. Firstly, it will make it harder for anyone walking by to see what you’re looking at but it will also draw less attention to your screen. The last thing you need is a beaming beacon of wasted company time guiding someone into your cubicle/office/wherever like a moth to a flame. You’re not peacocking for babes at the bar here, you’re trying to read Connor quotes without the man jumping down your throat.
One of the most standard hockey fan to-dos is to check out stats on game days. I get it, you want to know who’s hot and how that compares to what the Ducks are doing. Now, I don’t care whether you’re looking at points or advanced stats you have to give yourself a barrier between what you want to be doing and what you should be doing. An easy way to do that is to copy and paste those stats into a spreadsheet so that when your boss walks by it just looks like you’re doing some data entry/analysis. Smart.
EIGHT HOURS OF WATERCOOLER TALK
I know a lot of workplace slacking comes as a result of emailing/talking to your co-workers. An easy way to get it done without looking suspicious is to have a stack of papers in your hand while you’re walking around talking power play tactics. What I’ve learned is that no one will bother you if you’re carrying a stack of papers at the office. The boss will think you’re working on something and that’s really the point, isn’t it?
HAVE UPDATES READY
There will come a time when you get caught staring at Connor McDavid highlights rather than doing what you’re actually supposed to be doing and it’s important to have updates ready for those moments. Regardless of what you’re working on, you’re going to need something to tell your boss when they ask you about it. I always found that giving a percentage of completion along with an ETA worked.
OFFER TO RUN ERRANDS
At my old job, my boss would sometimes ask if there was anyone that could head down to various departments/mail room/wherever and I would always volunteer to do it. Not only did I look like I was a willing participant but it also gave me those few minutes to walk around with my phone and get the updates/news that I was looking for. So many the task takes you 10 minutes to get done instead of the five it should take – will anyone notice the difference? Not in my experience.
WHAT AM I MISSING?
Some of you seasoned vets out there have way more tips and experience than I do when it comes to slacking off at work, and I urge you to share your knowledge with your fellow citizens today. The last thing anyone should be expected to do is be 100% productive when the Oilers have a Game 7 coming up and it’s important that we help each other get through this stressful day.
While I may have given some tips on getting through an office work day I have no idea how to slack through the day in any other industry. We need you workplace ninjas to give your tips for trades/oilfield/service industry/retail/food/whatever else I’m blanking on right now.
Leave your slacking tips in the comments section so that we can all spend less time working and more time sending out positive Oilers vibes into the universe.