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A Guide to Game 7 Workplace Slacking

With Game 7 being under 11 hours away, I doubt that any of you that are reading this are doing anything remotely close to what you’re supposed to be doing right now. With that in mind, I want to put together a list of ways that you can expel your nervous energy while also looking like you’re being productive at work.

If there is one thing your boy Baggedmilk is good at it’s pretending to look busy in an office setting. Before I got a full-time job at the Nation I worked for a large corporation and a big part of my day was spent trying to figure out ways that I could get through those eight+ hours without getting busted for wasting company time. On days like today, I think it’s unreasonable to expect your full attention and I want to lend a hand.

I consider myself to be a Jedi-lite when it comes to getting things done but also looking way busier than I actually am, and I wanted to share a little bit of that knowledge with you to help with your office slacking on this most stressful of days. Doing your own thing at work can be a delicate dance, but when there are massive distractions afoot like an Edmonton Oilers Game 7 then it’s bound to happen and it felt like it was my duty to help get you through the day.

SURFIN’ DAT INTERNET

At the office, one of my biggest time wasters was cruising the Internet and looking at basically anything other than work. An easy way to do it, and to lower the risk of being caught, is to resize your browser window to fit within another program that you should actually have open on your computer. Something like email should work but the more specific to your job you can get the better. I used to use this imaging program we had at work for this tactic and my browser would sit perfectly inside it. You may not get to see as much of the website as you’d like, but if someone sees your screen it will just look like part of what you’re doing.

Another thing you’re going to want to do is to turn down the brightness on your monitor. Firstly, it will make it harder for anyone walking by to see what you’re looking at but it will also draw less attention to your screen. The last thing you need is a beaming beacon of wasted company time guiding someone into your cubicle/office/wherever like a moth to a flame. You’re not peacocking for babes at the bar here, you’re trying to read Connor quotes without the man jumping down your throat.

CHECKING STATS

One of the most standard hockey fan to-dos is to check out stats on game days. I get it, you want to know who’s hot and how that compares to what the Ducks are doing. Now, I don’t care whether you’re looking at points or advanced stats you have to give yourself a barrier between what you want to be doing and what you should be doing. An easy way to do that is to copy and paste those stats into a spreadsheet so that when your boss walks by it just looks like you’re doing some data entry/analysis. Smart.

EIGHT HOURS OF WATERCOOLER TALK

I know a lot of workplace slacking comes as a result of emailing/talking to your co-workers. An easy way to get it done without looking suspicious is to have a stack of papers in your hand while you’re walking around talking power play tactics. What I’ve learned is that no one will bother you if you’re carrying a stack of papers at the office. The boss will think you’re working on something and that’s really the point, isn’t it?

HAVE UPDATES READY

There will come a time when you get caught staring at Connor McDavid highlights rather than doing what you’re actually supposed to be doing and it’s important to have updates ready for those moments. Regardless of what you’re working on, you’re going to need something to tell your boss when they ask you about it. I always found that giving a percentage of completion along with an ETA worked.

OFFER TO RUN ERRANDS

At my old job, my boss would sometimes ask if there was anyone that could head down to various departments/mail room/wherever and I would always volunteer to do it. Not only did I look like I was a willing participant but it also gave me those few minutes to walk around with my phone and get the updates/news that I was looking for. So many the task takes you 10 minutes to get done instead of the five it should take – will anyone notice the difference? Not in my experience.

WHAT AM I MISSING?

Some of you seasoned vets out there have way more tips and experience than I do when it comes to slacking off at work, and I urge you to share your knowledge with your fellow citizens today. The last thing anyone should be expected to do is be 100% productive when the Oilers have a Game 7 coming up and it’s important that we help each other get through this stressful day.

While I may have given some tips on getting through an office work day I have no idea how to slack through the day in any other industry. We need you workplace ninjas to give your tips for trades/oilfield/service industry/retail/food/whatever else I’m blanking on right now.

Leave your slacking tips in the comments section so that we can all spend less time working and more time sending out positive Oilers vibes into the universe.

  • DarknessMyOldFriend

    Alt-Tab and Alt-F4 are your friends. Also telling your colleagues/bosses to buzz off because THE OILERS ARE PLAYING IN GAME 7 TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • BleedOrange

    It’s almost like you’re looking at the Oilersnation site analytics and seeing us all log on multiple times a day for new posts… well done. I like to keep several tabs open in my brower so it’s an easy click from the stuff on the sports pages to the company website. It also helps that my boss is incredibly Oilers obsessed and doesn’t care even if he does notice you slacking on game day. He also doesn’t want to be here, so why would we?

  • Not a First Tier Fan

    This assumes that your workplace is big enough to have some quiet and out-of-the-way corners in it.

    – toggle the connection to the company drive off so that you can’t load any files
    -complain that something is wrong with the connection to your work station and tell the boss that IT is handling it.
    – relocate to the quiet and.out-of-the-way cubicle so that you can still ‘be productive’
    – enjoy the freedom you now have to surf the Web on your phone and keep putting KenBoner down whenever he pops up to say something stupid

  • Melanie97

    Alt + tab is a quick one if you hear footsteps coming, flicks over to an actual work screen. I already had to use this twice during this article. GO OILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Derian Hatcher

    Suggestions:

    click over to Flames Nation where they are writing about how they were in the running for Talbot and how they feel they too, could nab a “Talbot” this summer.

    2) Click over the Canucks nation and read about how that club has no direction, few prospects and a semi-rebuild going on. You’ll think “ya I remember those times” and a gag reflex will occur.
    3) Go back a couple of weeks and take another look at Kesler’s “Super Kesler” tatoo – then have yourself a good laugh.
    4) Revel in the fact that there are no more passionate fans than Oiler fans. It really is a beautiful thing.
    5) Prime yourself up for 8 pm – Oilers score first, a weak one on Gibson, and away they go.

  • MaxBoost

    Couple things that i always make sure to do:
    1. If you walk into somebody’s office the first thing you need to look for is the reflection of the monitors in the window behind them. Can you see what they are looking at? That means they can too, be aware. Bonus: if you catch your boss slacking this should buy you some guilt free ON time.
    2. One of my monitors is strategically turned so you can see what’s on it when you approach my desk. This monitor ALWAYS has a spreadsheet open on it.
    3. Don’t forget your ABC’s – Always Be Clicking

    On another note, every time since the game intro Sunday night i get all hot and bothered every time i hear the Arkells “Knocking on the Door”. If ever there was a song that perfectly embodies the Oilers run and their fans, this is it.

  • MotoDave118

    I can’t wait for the game! My issue is I’m double booked. This ordinarily wouldn’t be an issue because game day Trumps everything but my wife and I have a prenatal course. My wife is understanding (as much as an already emotional pregnant lady can be) and said she’ll be disappointed but understands if I don’t go. I know this is a trap, I’ll be in trouble for sure but it’s game freaking 7!!!!! I can PVR and catch up but I’ll be getting home about 9:30……first world Oiler fan problems……

    • geoilersgist

      That would mean doubt has creeped into the mind of the great Baggedmilk. He was one article written and it involves talking about how huge of a game 7 win is. It is win or bust, literally and figuratively.

  • OldOilerFan

    Spent my whole career in IT, I’ve done it all in changing screens quickly to avoid someone detecting I’m reading sports at work. I’m still in IT, in upper management now, and I have to say I’ve seen it all. Doesn’t matter what you do – any quick hand movement with the mouse or on the keyboard as the Supervisor walks in is a dead give away. You’re not fooling anyone. That said, it’s game 7 baby – and a good Supervisor should know that. “Let’s go Oilers lets’ go!”

  • slats-west

    It’s evaluation time so I use playoffs as a measure of “team player” – anyone not checking into ON, injury updates,Ducks crappy Game 7 explanations – immediately gets downgraded….

    GO OILERS GO!!!

  • Burns14

    I chose my position in our new office for days like today. Strategically chose the corner cubicle, with back to the wall. No one has a clue how many hours are wasted ahahaha

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