If there’s one playoff tradition that I love about as much as watching the actual games, it’s seeing guys kick off the postseason with whatever flavour of playoff hair that they see fit and when it comes to this year’s edition of the Edmonton Oilers, there’s playoff hair everywhere.
— Jason Gregor (@JasonGregor) July 13, 2020
If you’ve been following the Oilers’ training camp updates on social media, you’ll likely have noticed that a bunch of the guys are already rocking beards, chops, and coifs that would shine in any given playoff year, but for my guy, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, he rolled into town with a duster that is simply remarkable. Not only does it seem like RNH has spent the last few months growing this baby out, but he’s also taken it to another level with a level of manscaping detail that could only be expected on show dogs. As you can see in Gregor’s picture above, Nuge has his eyes on the ultimate prize — the Stanley Cup — which is clearly why he’s decided to go full-pirate, a look I very much appreciate. And if I’m being totally honest, I think everyone else has to step their game up if they want to come anywhere close to what Nuge has got going on right now. The only downside I can think of is that if he’s not careful with this thing then we’re all going to end up pregnant. This moustache and hockey hair combo is easily a 10/10.
— Edmonton Oilers (@EdmontonOilers) July 8, 2020
There are times in life when you have a good thing and you run with it until the wheels fall off, and that’s exactly what’s going on with Zack Kassian’s chops. Back in 2017, Kassian grew these beauties out for the Oilers’ playoff run and everybody in this city loved them, which is why I was excited to see an encore performance for the dynamic duo. The question I have leading into this year’s playoffs, though, is just how big these sultry sideburns are going to get? If (WHEN!) the Oilers can make a deep run into the postseason, Kassian’s boisterous bristles will have had months of growth time which will likely generate enough manliness to take over a small country. The fans will love it, the opposition will cower in fear, and we’ll all have a good laugh as a result. Dare to dream? 10/10.
— Edmonton Oilers (@EdmontonOilers) July 16, 2020
How can you not love the combination of Yamamoflow along with some bonus (patchy) facial hair that adds a certain je ne sais quoi to the whole ensemble? This young king has a look that you can set your watch to, I’m telling ya. Not only am I excited to see Yamo flying down the wings with his hair blowing around like Superman’s cape, but I’m also looking forward to seeing how long that lettuce is going to get by the time this is all is said and done. Will he go full Fabio, allowing those luscious locks to fall down his back like a waterfall of excellence? Will he score a huge goal and whip his hair back and forth like Vince Neil back in 1986? I wouldn’t bet against him. In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest that the Yamamoflow could do for long hair what seatbelts did for safety. As for the entire look, the hair + patchy goatee combo is an easy 10/10.
— Edmonton Oilers (@EdmontonOilers) July 17, 2020
I’m just going to put this out into the universe and say that Ethan Bear has some of the best hockey hair in the league — period. From its length to its shine, this is a mop that can really do it all. The only problem I have with Bear’s flow is that we’ve been lucky enough to watch this sultry salad grow out all year, meaning that this isn’t exactly a playoff coif but rather an extension of the fine work he was doing already. Now, that said, I’m not going to complain that Bear decides to rock this look year-round because, if I’m being honest, I would probably do the same if I was blessed with such bodacious body and overall sparkle. But in the effort of being a fair and accurate hair judge — something I pride myself on as you all know — I have to deduct a mark off his total because this look, albeit miraculous, is basically what we’ve seen from Bear all season long. 9.5/10
— Edmonton Oilers (@EdmontonOilers) July 14, 2020
Earlier this week, Jason Gregor wrote about Jujhar Khaira’s beard and hair combo, specifically noting how impressive it was to look at and he was absolutely right. Quite frankly, Jujhar exudes more manliness from his face and head than I could ever hope to muster in my lifetime, and it’s inspiring to see him put those follicles to good use. If I was to make a minor complaint, it would be that I would have liked to see him run with the moustache that powered him to excellence back in November. In fact, he had scored four of his six goals on the season during Movember and it’s that exact type of production that the Oilers will need to make waves in the playoffs. While I certainly love the beard and hockey hair, there’s no question that Jujhar is a ferocious competitor in the hair game, I’m going to have to give a small deduction for ignoring the moustache that made him great. 8/10
— Edmonton Oilers (@EdmontonOilers) July 14, 2020
Is that Riley Sheahan or some Spartan warrior preparing to march into battle? I don’t know about you guys, but I can’t grow a beard to save my life so I’m always amazed when a dude can completely change the shape of his face by letting the whiskers wander. Looking back through a bunch of the photos of Sheahan from throughout the season, I’m almost surprised that he doesn’t run with this look on a full-time basis since I’m will to bet that a beard this fine will increase his production by at least 12%. I’m giving this a solid 6/10.
I’m not going to lie. Mike Smith scares me a little bit so I’m going to give the beard he always seems to have a 7/10 just so that he doesn’t beat me up as he did to poor Cam Talbot. Well done, sir. You’re an inspiration to us all.*
*Don’t hurt me
In my heart of hearts, I was truly hoping that when the Oilers got back on the ice for training camp that Dave Tippett would have done the right thing and grown back his TipStache. Not only would he have looked great, manly, handsome, commanding and every other adjective you can think of to describe its majesty, but that stache would have also acted as a beacon of light, guiding the boys to facial hair excellence. To put it another way, are you telling me that Dave Tippett’s lipholstery wouldn’t have had some sound advice for Ryan Nugent-Hopkins on how to get the most out of his manly mug? GIVE US THE TIPSTACHE, COACH! Please? 0/10