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Photo Credit: Tom Kostiuk

Why you should hate the Chicago Blackhawks

I don’t think I need to give anyone reading this reasons to hate the Chicago Blackhawks, but with the playoffs set to get started tomorrow, I think we could all use a few ideas for fuelling the rivalry. We’ve only got 30 hours to build a rivalry with the clowns from Chicago and I think we all need to work together to make it happen. 

With tomorrow being the first playoff game we’ve had around here in more than three years, I’ve decided that we can all could use a little bit of inspiration to make sure that there’s plenty of hatred in the tank to fuel the rivalry between these two play-in series combatants. Frankly, after seeing all of the love the Blackhawks were getting after their exhibition win against the St. Louis Blues, I found myself annoyed at how many fans are already suggesting that the Oilers are in trouble. I don’t get it and that’s why we need to build that rivalry right here and now.

THE RECORD

YEAR:           W-L-T  Win % GFPG GAPG      
 2020:          1-2-0  33.3  3.0  3.3 |
 2019:          2-1-0  66.7  2.7  2.3 |
 2018:          1-2-0  33.3  2.0  3.0 |
 2017:          2-1-0  66.7  3.0  2.0 |
 2016:          0-3-0   0.0  1.7  4.0 |
 2015:          1-2-0  33.3  2.3  3.7 |
 2014:          0-3-0   0.0  2.7  5.0 |
 2013:          1-2-0  33.3  3.0  4.0 |
 2012:          3-1-0  75.0  6.0  3.8 |
 2011:          2-2-0  50.0  2.5  3.5 |
 2010:          0-4-0   0.0  2.3  4.5 |
 2009:          1-3-0  25.0  2.0  4.8 |
 2008:          3-1-0  75.0  3.8  2.8 |
 2007:          2-2-0  50.0  2.3  2.0 |
 2006:          2-2-0  50.0  3.3  2.5 |

Over the past 15 years, the Oilers have only had a winning record over the Blackhawks four times and I feel like that’s a level of disrespect that should anger us to our core even before even facing them in this play-in series. As far as I see it, the Blackhawks have had their time in the sun and now it’s our turn to get that sweet, sweet golden bronze that comes with the warm temps of an Edmonton summer.

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Table from mcubed.net

PATRICK KANE’S PUNCHABLE FACE

Over and above being a general trash human being, allegedly in my opinion of course, Patrick Kane has one of the most punchable faces in the NHL and I’ll argue to the death with anyone that suggests otherwise. Put another way, for as good as his hands are at dangling with the puck, his face is equally as good at being ripe for a slap. While we don’t know how effective Kane will be after four months off the ice — he had 2G, 2A in three regular season games against the Oil — we do know that his face remains punchable. I can usually find something to appreciate with most skilled NHLers regardless of the team they play on, but Patrick Kane isn’t a very likeable player or person and I honestly don’t have anything good to say about him.

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CHELSEA DAGGER

From the time that the Blackhawks started using Chelsea Dagger as their goal song, the rest of the league has tried to follow suit with random variations of the tune that gets the entire crowd singing “do-doodle-do” over and over again. Seeing as we’re doing this year’s version of the playoffs all at Rogers Place, there will be a time when that horrible song will be blasted over the speakers at our barn and the thought of it is incredibly annoying despite no Hawks fans being there to sing it.

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CAPTAIN SERIOUSLY NO FUN

In a league where players rarely show any personality, Jonathan Toews is about as ‘dry toast’ as a human being can possibly get. From the way he rattles off cliches in interviews to the way he’s convinced us all that his last name isn’t toes, he kind of reminds me of drinking warm water on a summer day. Don’t get me wrong, I will always appreciate what he does for Team Canada when he represents our country at the Olympics, but this is the NHL playoffs we’re talking about and I’m getting mighty tired of people acting like his mayo sandwich personality is something to marvel at. Not to mention, it was reported on the 31 Thoughts Podcast that Toews voted against the NHL returning to the ice this summer and the CBA extension, something he’s subsequently denied but would certainly be on-brand for his no-fun demeanour.

FAKE FANS

In 2010, the year they won their first Stanley Cup with several players on the current roster, the Chicago Tribune had to put out a primer for their fairweather fans to educate them about the upcoming playoffs. Some of the questions featured were:

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-What’s the first thing a fair-weather fan needs to know?
-How often do hockey players lose their teeth?
-How can the fair-weather fan display Blackhawks fever?
-How does the game work?
-What does a fan do when they score?

The list went on and on… Can you imagine us ever having to do something like that here? Forget about it. I know this article came out a decade ago but I couldn’t help but include it anyway — it’s just too ridiculous.

NO BRENT SEABROOK

I mean, Brent Seabrook is just not very good at hockey anymore so the fact that he’s not playing in this series actually improves the Blackhawks’ defence and that is upsetting to me.

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THE DRAKE CAGGIULA TRADE

On December 30th, 2019, Peter Chiarelli was drowning as the Edmonton Oilers’ GM and the only plan his Harvard brain could muster to save himself was to make the team he was in charge of significantly worse. On that day, he made two trade. First up, Pistol Pete traded a 3rd round pick to Florida for nine games of Alex Petrovic, and followed it up with another move that sent Drake Caggiula to Chicago for 21 games of Brandon Manning. As expected, Manning, the guy that broke Connor McDavid’s collarbone and was still deemed to be acquirable for some reason, was mostly useless for the Oilers, registering two goals in 21 games over parts of two seasons before being permanently demoted to Bakersfield. Once there, he further embarrassed himself and the organization by getting suspended for a racial slur. In Chicago, Caggiula has established himself as a viable option in the middle six, scoring 14 goals and 13 assists in 66 games. Now, I completely understand that this trade was not Chicago’s fault, anyone in their right mind would have taken this lopsided deal, but I just feel like it’s another opportunity to dislike them.