GBD 33.0: A FESTIVUS MIRACLE?

Jason Gregor
December 23 2010 01:54PM

If you aren't a diehard Seinfeld fan you might not be aware that today is festivus. What's that you say? Read on friends.

"Festivus is a secular holiday celebrated on December 23 as "another way" to celebrate the holiday season without participating in its pressures and commercialism. It was created by writer Dan O’Keefe and introduced into popular culture by his son Daniel, a screenwriter for the TV show Seinfeld as part of a comical storyline on the show.

The holiday's celebration, as shown on Seinfeld, includes an unadorned aluminum "Festivus pole," practices such as the "Airing of Grievances” and "Feats of Strength," and the labeling of easily explainable events as "Festivus miracles".

Can the Oilers give their fans a Festivus miracle by winning in Los Angeles tonight?

Just in case you haven't grasped the true meaning of Festivus, here is a video Coles Notes version of the holiday.

 

Tom Renney hasn't aired his grievances publicly very often this year, and even if he was given the chance I'd bet he'd carve them with a butter knife rather than a machete. He is incredibly patient, and despite many uninspired and lacklustre efforts this year he has remained surprisingly calm.

To bad Frank Costanza wasn't coaching this team, because he'd have a long list:

  • Ryan Whitney, shoot the damn puck.
  • Andrew Cogliano, Sam Gagner, Colin Fraser, Shawn Horcoff and Ryan O'Marra feel free to spend more time working on faceoffs in practice.
  • JF Jacques be more physical.
  • Forwards on the PP - move the puck quicker.
  • Kurtis Foster, we know you have a heavy shot, so get into better shooting lanes on the PP so you can unleash it.
  • Magnus Paajarvi, you have great speed, now use it to go to the net when you beat the defender wide.
  • Mr. Renney, how about trying a forward on the point on the 2nd PP unit?
  • Steve Tambellini please get some size and grit, and they don't all have to be "great people."
  • Rexall DJ, play better music for the sake of every Oiler fan.
  • Fans who think trading Ales Hemsky because Omark had one three-point game: Breath deeply.

DUBNYK TAKES THE POLE

Devan Dubnyk will get his ninth start of the season tonight v. the Kings, and Renney is hoping Dubnyk plays as well tonight as he did on April 10th, when he stopped 52 of 55 shots and two of three attempts in the shootout v. the Kings. Dubnyk was sensational that afternoon, and we'll see if he is a tad rusty playing only his 3rd game in the last 26 days.

Renney also hinted that he might insert Steve MacIntyre into the lineup and take out either Jacques or Zack Stortini. It would make no sense to take out Stortini considering he was very effective in San Jose on Tuesday.

LIMA IN THE FUTURE??

I googled "predict the future+sports" looking for some photo to put in and somehow Adrianna Lima popped up. If you don't believe me try it yourself. As far as I know she is a Victoria Secret model, but maybe she is great at sports predictions.

I'd like to say it was a festivus miracle that somehow her pic showed up in my search, so I thought I'd share.

HAPPY FESTIVUS NATION

GAME DAY PREDICTION: The young Oilers will be a bit fatigued from finishing their Christmas shopping yesterday and today. They will fall behind early, make a valiant attempt to comeback, but lose 4-3.

OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Dubnyk will face 36+ shots. In his eight starts he has faced 41, 39, 42, 40, 34, 25, 39 and 32 shots for an average of 36.5/game. He will keep the Oilers in the game, and his play might actually get him another start within the next ten days.

NOT-SO-OBVIOUS GAME DAY PREDICTION: Injured Kings' D-man Matt Greene will make a surprise guest appearance in the broadcast booth. Greene, one of the funniest Oilers of all-time, will tell hilarious stories of meeting wannabe actresses, and how they didn't believe he was a hockey player, because he drove a 3/4 ton red chevy around Rodeo Drive and is still missing two teeth.

While Greene is on air, the Kings will cycle the puck down low for 30 seconds and then score on a rebound in front of Dubnyk. Instantly numerous groups of Oiler fans will discuss how badly they wish the Oilers still had Greene, because he'd play tough in front of his net and in the corners, and because of his comedic nature. 

One somewhere one very wise wife, will turn to her husband and say, "I really wish Santa would deliver someone like Greene to the Oilers." The husband will beem with pride at his hockey-smart wife and his inner voice will tell him, "She deserves more than a new set of pots and pans for Xmas." 

Unfortunately for him after two more beers he will forget that conversation, and tomorrow he when he is crashing and banging in the mall with most of us guys frantically trying to buy a last-minute Xmas gift he'll think new pots are a great gift. God help you brother.

AND FINALLY

I'd like to wish all of the Nation readers and writers a very Merry Christmas. I hope you get to spend some time with your loved ones. If you are fortunate enough to have a big meal and lots of gifts under the tree, drop off a donation for the Christmas Bureau or any of the other great charities for those less fortunate.

You will feel great knowing you made someone's Christmas.

Ddf3e2ba09069c465299f3c416e43eae
One of Canada's most versatile sports personalities. Jason hosts The Jason Gregor Show, weekdays from 2 to 6 p.m., on TSN 1260, and he writes a column every Monday in the Edmonton Journal. You can follow him on Twitter at twitter.com/JasonGregor
Avatar
#51 Cervantes
December 24 2010, 05:14PM
Trash it!
0
trashes
Cheers
0
cheers

Regardless of who else is around, who else might step up, or be acquired, the bottom line is a simple one. Gagner is not big, tough, a FO winner, useful on the PK, or 2-way enough to reliably support a line. These are all qualities we've been told repeatedly the "Future Oilers" must have, and these are all qualities Sam does not have. His current production doesn't factor in to any of those qualities. And really, between Hall and Eberle, I'm willing to bet Andrew Cogliano could look like a bona fide NHL Centre. Look at the time Gags spent on a line without high quality NHL wingers, and how much he floated along, and how little he produced.

Good player, yes. Player we need, no. If we had a replacement who could slide in, I'd be all for keeping him, but we don't. So we use him as currency to obtain what Tambo, et al, keep saying we want. Big, tough, sandpaper, FO, PK, etc. As much as everyone is saying they like Sam and how valuable he is, no-one is presenting any arguments about how he fills any of those needs. I think that says a lot.

Comments are closed for this article.