Lord Pennyton von Cash rolls into town


Well well well!

Mr “I-don’t-need-an-agent” is here.
Mr “Screw-my-team-I’ll-play-with-garbage-till-I-retire” has arrived
Mr. “Jaromir Jagr Jr.” has arrived on a platinum jet, forcing his teammates to walk to the blizzard that is E-town today.

You think you’re so great because you make Ales Hemsky look poor? Well screw you, Ovechkin. You and your army of solid gold robots don’t scare any of us. We recognize that you’re a sniper, and may be the next Pavel Bure. But why would a team commit 1/5 of its payroll to you for the next 13 years? I hope you like playing with AHL Allstars and UFC fighters-turned-hockey-players, and guys who have to keep lacing ’em up or their bookies will smash their kneecaps. ‘Cause that’s about all the Caps will be able to afford with your massive contract strapped around their collective necks for the next 13 years.

Oh and also, god help them if you turn out to be Pavel Bure, with his career cut short by injury after injury due to the sawdust that is his right knee. That’s guaranteed money you’re paying out Caps Owner Ted Leonosis. You’d better teach Chuck Liddel to skate to protect your boy 24/7 and not let him so much as shower without a bodyguard, lest he break his hip or something.

Do you like C Thomas Fleischmann? At US $500,000 he’ll be playing on the powerplay with you for years to come.

Do you enjoy having D Viktor Dovgan manning the point? He too is about all the Caps will be able to afford at $500,000 per year.

Enjoy the cash, my Russian friend. Hopefully you can use it to purchase Stanley Cup rings off the widows of dead NHL players, cause you ain’t winning one the legit way.

Oh yeah, the Oil are playing the Caps tonight.


Oilers: 4
Caps: 2
Ovechkin: $115,384.62 per game until 2021