And now some baseball news


“Roger Clemens told Yankees teammate Andy Pettitte nearly 10 years ago that he used human growth hormone, Pettitte said in a sworn affidavit to Congress. According to the affidavit, Pettitte also said Clemens backtracked when the subject of HGH came up again in conversation in 2005, before the same House committee held the first hearing on steroids in baseball.

Pettitte said in the affidavit that he asked Clemens in 2005 what he would do if asked about performance-enhancing substances, given his admission years earlier.

According to the account told to the AP, the affidavit said Clemens responded by saying Pettitte misunderstood the previous exchange in 1999 or 2000 and that, in fact, Clemens had been talking about HGH use by his wife in the original conversation.”, Feb 13, 2008 (emphasis added)

We know there’s a wide world of sports out there, and frankly we don’t care for any of it. Give us footage of an Oilers practice over the World Series any day, thank you very much.

But sometimes other sports force their way onto our radar, and today Roger Clemens is testifying before a congressional hearing about steroids use. In case you’re like us and don’t follow or care, here’s a brief summary thus far:

  • 2000: Clemens takes HGH and extends his career by 8 years.
  • 2006: New York Yankees Andy Pettitte and Clemens are identified by a former trainer as both being users of HGH.
  • 2007: Andy Pettitte admits that he used steroids in the past, apologizes and gets on with his life.
  • 2008: Clemens denies, holds numerous press conferences and calls his trainer of nearly a decade a liar. Plays a tape of a conversation with the trainer where he acts mad on the phone, but asks no direct questions of the trainer. Trainer says that he has lost everything, including his wife and is facing jail time, trainer starts crying on the line. At no time does Clemens tell his trainer “You know I didn’t take HGH” during the call, or ask him why he would say he takes HGH when he doesn’t. This omission (and the fact that Clemens tapes calls) makes him shadier, if this is somehow possible.
  • Today: Pettitte swears in an affidavit that Clemens told him he took HGH, Clemens later said that Pettitte misunderstood him, that it was it was his wife that took HGH.

Roger Clemens, you piece of crap! Are you really claiming your wife took steroids and not you? You hung your trainer and your teammates out to dry and you might be lying before congress—something that would send you to jail if you were any other man. Are you really this soulless and stupid?

We can’t wait for you to blame your children for injecting you while you slept, you dung beetle of a human being. Although when you look at the picture of his Man-Wife above, maybe it isn’t such a stretch to think that these two hung upside down from chin-up bars and shot HGH into each other to the soothing sounds of The Venga Boys during the late 1990s.

This is why we prefer hockey, lambs. Do NHL players take steroids? No, they don’t need to. Anyone who saw the Oilers play the Wild last night saw Ethan Moreau have his eye ball removed by Marian Gaborik’s skate. Moreau went into the tunnel and closed the wound himself using an old stapler behind the Air Canada Bar downstairs and returned to play. You don’t need to take steroids when you’re made of iron.

Clemens, ha! What a douchebag.