Wanye Gretz puts his money where his mouth is


Last night we were sitting around with some of the boys and we got to talking Pens vs Wings in the Cup Finals. There is little debate these days that these two are destined to meet in the Finals, no matter how many goals are disallowed against the Wings. Our buddy—let’s call him “The guy who lost the Cup bet in 2008.” No wait that might anger him… Let’s call him Chris. Yeah that works. Seeing as that’s his exact name, he should recognize the story as it unfolds.

Last night when your ol’ pal Wanye started to shoot his mouth off about how the Penguins would destroy the Wings in the Finals, Chris calmly sat in his corner waiting for his moment to pounce. Like a shark circling eel-infested waters with a team of Navy Seal snipers waiting with underwater guns, he waited for the kill.

The scene has been reenacted below:

Wanye Gretz: You see when you take into account how many players on Pittsburgh have last names that start with the letter C, and you remember that there is a 15-goal differential between the two teams on odd numbered days and (insert 34 minutes of rambling here)… In conclusion, there’s no way the Pens are losing to the Wings.

Chris: I’ll take that bet you […] jackass. $[…] says the Wings win.

Wanye: Deal! Who has witness?

(witness called—bet certified.)

And there you have it. A substantial amount of money that we earn the only way we know how: waxing the inner thighs of crazy hobos on Jasper Avenue. Bet. Done. In the books. On the Nation for all to see.

We don’t care if a strain of Tibetian Flu rips through the Wings practice facility.

Bet won.

We don’t care if Zetterberg decides to retire from the game before the Finals start to pursue a career in Archery.

Bet won.

We secretly suspect Mario Lemieux will get the itch and secretly come out of retirement, suiting up as #25 Maxime Talbot for the finals.

Bet won.

Cause if the Pens DO win—rather WHEN they win—we’ll be so happy we won’t be able to use any words currently in the English language. We will have to invent a new word. And this new word will be so fantastic that no one will be able to spell it.