Another Sign of the Apocolypse: Comrie to marry Duff?


Great Odin’s beard! Sweet hammer of Thor! Someone please tell us that this isn’t true. is reporting that Hillary Duff was sporting some finger bling-er outside some restaurant recently, and that a little fella—you know, the guy who no one will sign to a multi-year deal—was walking behind looking pleased as punch.

Is Aaron Carter completely out of chances? Isn’t there anyone who can stop this marriage between good and evil? Can’t someone introduce her to Sam Gagner? He is more her age, and sweet as maple syrup. If Comrie marries Hillary Duff, there is only one thing we can do: train an army of Orc warriors to defend society from the forces of evil, who clearly seem to be winning—particularly with Project GANHLPTBAWHC, or Get Annoying NHL Players To Bed and Wed Hot Celebs.

These Orcs will be put through the rigors of complete martial arts and small munitions training deep deep below the North Saskatchewan River. And then, when the time is right, we will release them where they’ll fly in a direct line towards the wedding as they go down, slaughtering the groom upon landing. Then they will bring the now-saved Duff back to Edmonton, where we will auction her off to you—the good readers of the Nation.

Proceeds shall go to the Stollery, and the Orcs will return to their underground training complex until needed again.

Still, its better than this, we suppose.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Good for little Mikey. I think Edmontonians are far too hard on him. Yes, he and K-Lowe had their differences and he left town. His father was an Oil King and has made many great contributions to the city. I watched Comrie in St. Albert as well as with the Oilers and give him great credit for what he has accomplished with such a small stature. Lets boo Pronger but not Comrie.!!!!!!!!!!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I can't believe Edmontonians on this. You crapped all over Comrie when he couldn't fill the void left by Weight and so he moved on. The way he was treated (from the outside looking in) ranked as one of the low (Lowe?) points in Oilers history. So he wasn't the next great leader for the team, the continual bombardment makes us look really petty.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Personally, I enjoyed Comrie with the OILERS. I believe he would have been a better player had he remained. I'm not sure what happened but it's too bad.

    I hope he is happy with his ne life.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    I can still remember little Mikey sitting beside Paul in my Sunday school, or scrimmaging at the neighbourhood rink.

    She's too good for him, but good on him for making the catch. Congratulations Mikey!

  • I'm a Scientist!

    "There HAS to be a better name than “clown-rie.” Anyone?"

    I'd personally go with douchebag, but that's just me.

    In regards to the Sam Gagner comment, I disagree. Robert Nilsson's got the same fashion sense as Ms. Duff. Maybe she'd like to go back to Stockholm in the off-season and brush up on her hot-swedish maid routine?

    And besides, Andrew's more her age than Samwise.

  • I'm a Scientist!

    Why do Oiler fans hate Comrie?

    Something to do with cocaine party's, Tommy Salo's wife, and an attitude problem.
    If Comrie could have kept his junk to himself instead of putting it in Salo's wife, he likely would have been around a little longer. But alas, he's a slut, and him and Salo got shipped off to different places….problem solved!

  • Oh man, can you guys imagine what it would be like if Comrie ever returned to the Oilers? I bet hell would freeze over and fans would boycott the franchise! It's not like he would get 8 points in 4 pre season games, get into a scrap, and have 17,000 people cheering his name…….

    *returns to the future in a puff of smoke*