Well it isn’t very often that you’re down 5-0 and come back to make a game of it now is it, Nation? It also isn’t very often you have a bird fly right up your wang hole while you are letting out a quick one at the side of the highway. Just ’cause something is rare doesn’t mean it’s good. We lost our bet with the pensblog. Fine. The Oilers lost too. Fine. But at least we have our dignity.
So here we go. Bye bye dignity.
Oh how we wished we lived in Pittsburgh! We would drive across one of the three nearly identical bridges – the 6th, 7th, and the 9th Street – that connect Downtown with the North Side. We would eat a regular hearty evening meal at the elegant William Penn Hotel and then retire to our bed chambers and let the sexy Sonni Abatta serenade us to sleep with her nightly newscast on KDKA TV. Once asleep, we would have a nightmare that Roethlisberger fell off another bike and cracked his coconut in two. But when we awoke we would quickly calm down after a few deep breaths of Pennsylvania air and all would be well again.
Yes if only we lived in Pittsburgh. We could really envision a life there. Provided we could stomach Pirates baseball, shitty traffic and taking our life in our hands every time we ventured over to the Igloo for a game. We wouldn’t live our life reflecting on the glory years of Gretzky anymore, we could fondly remember Lemieux and take comfort in how he classily maintains a stall in the dressing room though he hasn’t suited up in years. Yes, we can see why players wouldn’t want to play and live in the snowy hinterlands of Edmonton when they can play and live in the snowy hinterlands of… Pittsburgh.
But instead it will be whatever those pensbloggians decide we have to buy. What could T-shirts possibly cost? Three or four dollars?
Five Cups to two right, Pens fans?
Ugh. We’re going to Anaheim. We will check in from the road.