Wanye returns in a fighting mood

Please to be playing YouTube video before reading begins.

Sweet baby Jesus. What the hell happened while I was gone? Can’t a guy try and get some R&R without the whole world falling to crap? We had barely touched down in E-Town, barely had a chance to get a few deep breaths of good Alberta air in our lungs before we set to work fixing everything that broke while we were gone.

First thing is first

Web development company – you are SO FUCKING FIRED. No output. Terrible excuses. You know who you are. We will do you the parting honor of not naming you publicly in the small hope you will one day fix your joke of a company.

It’s over.

I believe you will find all the passwords changed to the website have been changed and that you can’t access anything. We hired a new development company last night – a reader of the Nation who offered us his most righteous company’s services and we took him up on the offer. We are also paying him more than you quoted us too, just so you know.

In any event: December 5th, 2008 the new site will be up if we have to rebuild the entire internet ourselves. Count on it.

Don’t think you are getting a penny of my loot either, champs. Don’t like it? Sue me. We have more lawyers than P Diddy and OJ combined. And we will fight you till death. The only way we want to hear from you is through registered mail from here on in.

As a parting gift, may we suggest you go here and sign up. This is Gwyneth Paltrow’s life advice newsletter called Goop. Perhaps you can find some guidance here to steer your rudderless ship.

Second thing is second

What the hell? Another chain of bloggers tried to lure Jonathan Willis away with promises of riches and untold fame? Well here you have the honour of dozens of our family members reading you annually AND we pay in buttons and cat fur. How much you want, Jon? All of it? HERE!

(throws piles of cat fur on the ground, buttons spill out.)

That doesn’t work for you?

How about actual money? I think you will find an e-mail in your inbox with an actual offer to make you the highest paid blogger that hasn’t worked for big media that we have ever heard of. We hope it’s enough to keep you here. We all love you here at the Nation—you’re our smart buddy, and NO ONE messes with our smart buddy. Don’t want Willis to leave, people? Leave him comments and shower him with praise and tell him not to go.

Third thing is third

What the hell Oilers!? Don’t you dare think that a single 7–2 win is going to soothe the towering inferno of rage that blazes throughout the OilersNation. Mark our damn words, if things don’t pick up we’re going to do nothing but rag on you until changes are made. Think how loud dozens of comments per month will get.

We also allowed things to get too far gone lately. But we are drawing the line and so should you.

There are no more excuses for either of us.
There are no more chances.
Things are going to change.

Now where are my steroids?

One last thing

Jason Gregor just sent us a text reminding us that if you have a chance today, tune in to the Team 1260 sometime between 12 and 6pm. Today is the day where they have real heroes and true warriors on the show, as Jason talks with kids and their families about the Stollery Children’s Hospital here in Edmonton. It’s inspirational stuff and we should all have a listen and remember how lucky we all are.

NOW where are my steroids?

  • Welcome home, fair Wanye, the Justice League Meetings have not been the same without you.

    I battled Willis' smarts and lost, fed Brownlee, handed out a few righteous sack beatings, and drank my weight in alcohol due to the stressed caused by being an Oilers fan. It's good to have you back.

  • Fiveandagame

    HOLY crap WAYNE….Jebus hell damn, thats enough of a Vay-cay. The Oilers seemed hell bent on Vacationing while you were gone too.

    Fourthy – Give willis all the money ever made. He's the best thing on this site beyond the righteous Sac beatings.

    And Firstly – welcome home, the game day comments have been missing your pilsner fueled rants.

    And finally, I do have to say it did smell a little better around here while you were gone. Can you take a subtle hint? Axe body spray may smell good, but only if you wash the "Eu Du Slump Buster" off from the night before.

  • Wow I nominate this article for "righteous sack beating"!

    Your web guy was a total joke, about time you gave him a swift nut kick & a fore arm shiver to the chiklets. Last night I couldn't even look at your site after the game – the new look site looked good for the 15 minutes it was up.

    As for Jonathan, he is the calming voice with insight here. Although I don't read many of his articles as I am not a "numbers" guy, I enjoy reading his posts during the game threads whenever he isn't posting on te lowetide game blog.

  • Sing A Song For Sing Sing

    God bless dem kiiiieds. I'ma buck up and throw down a cool hundy. My niece been through some hard times at the Stollery they do wonders there.

  • freeze

    welcome back Wayne.

    glad to hear Willis is sticking around. Gregor seems to be a little light on the posting lately.

    What happened to lowetide? or is that taboo?

  • RobinB

    Everybody: I'd urge you to give what you can to the Stollery cause. Anybody who has needed them or might need them — anybody who will ever have a child — will never make a better investment.

    FYI: I'll be on TEAM 1260 at 4:05 sharing my story.

  • Robin,

    Exactly right, sir. The Stollery does tons of work with kids. Being sick is something no one wishes upon a child, but in addition to treating sick kids the Stollery offers programs promoting healthy living as well.

    Any donation helps.

  • Wanye Gretz

    On Lowetide:

    Our deal with Lowetide is contingent on two things happening. These two things are Level 95 Secret and are dependant on our technological upgrades.

    Once we have finished up the rebuild, yours truly will be appearing on bended knee before Count Lowetide to assure him that all is going according to our original plan and we will see if he is still down.

    As the man himself once said (as I recall) 'these Oilersnation guys have a plan. It might not be the best plan, but it's a plan.'Once we get the plan back on track – we will see if he is still down.

    It's like promising someone a pony as payment in a murder for hire scheme. Until you deliver the pony it's not really fair to ask 'Why is that Terrance still alive?'

    Yeah, it's exactly like that.

  • Joey Moss

    ive been ranting on your web dev guys for a while (though some of the comments mysteriously disappeared). about damn time in my books, what an awesome way to fire a guy too…

  • DJ Spyn Cycle

    Sorry, Ray, we enjoy watching our commenters struggle with giving what they've typed a quick once-over before they hit "submit."

    I'm joking of course. I'll speak to our developer about adding an edit function. but it's likely going to mean you goons are going to have to sign in each time you want to comment and edit, probably.

  • DJ Spyn Cycle

    @ Tim Hanas: we're jacked too.

    Ignition, our visual designers, have been a pleasure to work with since day one. Now that we finally have a competent developer, this marriage of tech and design can only result in glory. Rainbows and unicorns for all!

  • Hockey Gods

    Very Nice Wayne, that had me laughing my a$$ off, especially with Eye of the Tiger in background. If I could fire people that's excatly how I would do it. People would learn to stay the eff away from my office if that song is playing, unless I am merely running up the stairs in my grey sweatsuit.