PHOTOSHOP V: YAK CITY

So it turns out that all you need to do to get what you want in life is plead, pout and complain in the most public forum you can find. Entries have poured in at the deadline and our heartfelt apologies go out to all of the entries that didn’t make the final cut. We love you too, just less than the people who made it into the finals is all.

We just cannot overemphasize how much we enjoy these photoshop contests and appreciate everyone’s hard work. After setting down pretty specific theme that alienated a lot of people in the comments section – we feel completely vindicated now that we have narrowed down the 26 all top quality entries into a final 8.

2012 Summer olympics be damned – this is the competition that is being watched by the World.

As usual we have removed the names of the entrants to keep this from turning into a popularity contest. Because a photoshop contest where a winner is announced based on the highest share of the popular vote can’t be turned into a popularity contest.

ENTRY 1: THE MESSAGE

 

We kick off our finalists with this old school classic of a bomb by an author who stated in his email that "you sounded desperate, so I thought I’d give it a shot." Simultaneously summarizing our main strategy with chicks and nailing a spot in the final 8 entries? Well played good Sir. Well played.

This is a take on a landmark album by Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five. Yes, the stylist for the Village People used to hire himself/herself out to other acts for days on end ensuring everyone looked silly. It was the 70s man, most everyone was on PCP in those days. 

Bonus points for the golden Squee on Eberle’s pantaloons.

ENTRY 2: YAKIEMINEM

In our last article shaming people into making more entries in the contest we asked the question "What would Eminiem look like with Yakupov’s head on his shoulders?" Well this question can now be placed in the Answered column because he looks like this and quite frankly he looks good.

Very good. 

We are loving the details on the entry too – throwing in an Eberle gangster for life headline is right on point. Eberle is a gangster for life dammit.

ENTRY 3: I SCORE GOAL

Don’t think that the double entendre of Yak City is lost on us here. Grills? A bejeweled Oilers pendant? A good old fashioned barf-a-rama on such an epic scale that the makers of Stand By Me would be proud of it? Yes, yes. YES! This entry might not be the first one you would show to your Grandparents during Spanish Easter Dinner but man oh man is it funny.

Less courageous websites with lamer readers and older judges might not display this entry. We flash our best attempts at gang signs in their direction and guffaw loudly at their scorn. Guffaw AND chortle.

"I score goal!" says the Yak. "We will watch you score goal and drink beer!" says the Wanye.

ENTRY 4: SOVIET AIRLIFT

EEEE!!!! Soviet propaganda! Edmonton Skyline with superimposed cash raining down! YMCMB banner appeasing the sole judge! Cross handed pistols held in the pimpingest way possible showing us all that Yak is a man who will shoot first and look gangster shortly thereafter. 

This is a top quality entry that makes us wish we could learn to do photoshop ourselves. Oh the fun we would have if we had a fraction of this person’s talent.

ENTRY 5: RUN THIS TOWN

Continuing right along in our Parade of Excitement take a look at this entry. YMCMB added to an Eminem publicity shot and a Nugent Hopkins face added to that. Taylor Hall doing a very convincing Lil Wayne. Jordan Eberle rocking a sideways cap and a bullet proof vest. Not to menton the big man standing in front of RX1 covered in hockey related tats?

Yes, this is what the creators of Photoshop had in mind when they wrote the first product spec back in 1973. Exactly this level of awesome.

Sidebar: If we were in charge of the world RX1 would actually have these very banners on the side of it within minutes. And a 5000 foot statue of Eberle on the roof with a fire groin that shoots flames into the Edmonton night every 15 minutes for the next 200 years.

ENTRY 6: GANGSTER ENOUGH

The author of this unreal entry asked us in the email if it was "gangster enough." Let’s see here. Everyone is tatted up. The Nuge is inferring death to his rivals on what we believe to be a Yelawolf body shot. Hall has his face covered because he is presumably committing a crime either moments before or after this picture was taken. YakDaddy1 is wearing fur and has an Oil drop tattoed on his face and Lord Eberle von Awesome has yeg tatted on his fingers as we imagine he does in real life. 

Oh yeah and a bullet ridden Rexall Place with the light of victory streaming out into the dark night.

Yeah, it’s gangster enough.

ENTRY 7: CHICKEN AND BEER AND YAK

Yakupov has already made it known that he doesn’t drink nor does he go to clubs. We can’t help but think he will completely reevaluate this strategy – and may indeed consider cannibalism – after seeing how happy he looks in a strip club surrounded by chicken and beer. This was one of four classic albums remade by the author who took the new album from ATL favourite Ludacris and turned it on it’s ear.

All 4 were sick entries by the by and spoiler alert: He sent a NUGE version of a DMX cover that is so terrifying we will have to save it for another day. But best believe that is gonna be seen by human eyes soon too. 

ENTRY 8: FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE 

Now sure this entry might not technically fit the theme of "Rap Inspired" hockey entries. But it 1) mocks Calgary 2) Shows the Octane looking sexy and 3) has a swear word in it. That says something. Something very powerful indeed. We think it very deserving in its place among the final ocho. 

FINAL SUMMARY

Knowing that many of the actual Oilers read this site on the regular is beyond hilarious. Knowing that they will see these entries and wonder when they started playing in KookyTown is even funnier. Hells Bells Yakupov himself might even find this gold mine if he is like 99.345% of professional athletes who google themselves on an hourly basis and then pretend to be offended by all of the attention.

Throw your comments below and vote for the winner. The prize is gonna be an Oodle Noodle delivery GC should the winner live in Edmonton and Area and an OilersNation Draft Party tee shirt if they don’t.

Classic photoshop contest right here. It’s Yak City Bitch.