NATION, WE NEED YOUR HELP EVALUATING THE INTERN

For some reason @thenationchris wanted to do some modelling. We obliged but it made us all uncomfortable. #SassyInterns

A photo posted by baggedmilk (@himynameisbaggedmilk) on


For those of you that don’t know, we hired an intern named Chris a few weeks back and we need your help evaluating him. On the night of the draft party (June 26th) we asked Chris to write an essay to explain why he’s a good intern, and why he thinks he did a good job. The essay was due on Monday – it is now Friday.

Part of my job here at the Nation is to include you guys in as many different things as possible and the evaluation of our interns is no different. It’s about creating a show within the show. As such, I want to bring you inside Nation HQ as much as humanly possible without having you actually stare at me in person. Today is one of those days where I’ll be relying on your judgement.

Aside from getting us coffee and refilling the water cooler we ask Chris to do things like get out there and be a man of the people, and to be our eyes on the streets. To put it another way, Chris the Intern is like your very own window into what’s happening at Nation HQ. He will be your man on the street, your man inside, and the man that will give you free stuff if you harass him long enough. 

One of the first tasks we gave Chris, when he started, was to lead the charge at the draft party, interview some fine citizens, man the door, and get into the mix whenever possible. He did that, and he did a good job of it. Well… later on in the evening (as the beers were flowing) we asked Chris to write us 500 words on why he thinks he’s a good intern and why he thinks he did a good job at the draft party. It took him seven full days to finish. 

As you can imagine, we thought it was funny that 500 short words would take so long to write. Quite frankly, this rambling nonsense leading up to the essay is FAR more than 500 words and I just banged this out in 15 minutes. Needless to say, we have not been whipping the intern nearly enough or nearly as hard as we should be. This blinding lack of foresight has left us feeling as though we are unable to accurately evaluate said intern – that’s where you come in.

Below is the essay that Chris the Intern submitted to us this morning. What I need your help with is to read the essay and evaluate it on our behalf. We’re tainted, and we need fresh eyes to take a look at this thing. I ask that you let Chris know what he did well, and maybe let him know that writing 500 words over the course of seven days is a pace that even a snail would laugh at. “Look at how fast that snail is going. Slow down, man!” I imagine Chris saying as he types away.

THE ESSAY

Late

So here it is… This is the piece of art that took seven whole days to complete. As a thank you for evaluating Chris’ work (or lack there of) we will be picking five random commenters that provide constructive criticism to win a random NationGear tee. Now put your English professors cap on and let him have it…

Sorry, Chris. This is for your own good.

My first week at OilersNation/Why I did well at the Draft Party:
The Best Damn 500 Words You’ll Ever Read
Alright, somewhere in the middle of the Draft Party I was challenged by @golfun13 to write 500 words on the party itself, and my work as a Nation Intern. Personally, the memory is a little foggy of that night, and for all I know he’s making this whole thing up. However I just wrote 50 words in a filler sentence so this thing shouldn’t be too bad. 
My first week at OilersNation HQ was like winning the Draft Lottery… peachy! I received an extremely warm welcome from everyone in the office, as well as all the Nation Citizens online. The most intimidating part of my entry was definitely JeanShorts’ beard, and BaggedMilk’s mysteriousness.  The week was focussed on Draft Party prep, and all the classic introductory training stuff. 
I had a blast at the Draft Party, meeting and talking hockey with everybody. The most fun I had during my sober part of the night, when I was still on the clock, was interviewing and chatting with people during the Between Two Gregors segment. Everyone at the Pint that night proved how passionate the City of Edmonton was about the Oilers, OilersNation, and Connor McDavid. 
Besides that time, I’m pretty sure nobody in the building knew who I was, especially because everyone was yelling at BaggedMilk, calling him the intern. Besides, I was busy during the night being WanyeGretz’s decoy. Wearing his nametag around the bar made me feel way funnier than I actually am… thanks Wanye! I’m not even sure if Wanye was in the building that night or not, but it was a fun time watching people try to decipher if i was him or not. The best comment I heard was “you’re too young to be Wanye.” 
How am I doing… 315 words so? Easy peasy! I hope the title is included in this word count. As far as the rest of the night went, I just remember that I had a lot of drinks come my way. Had a solid time getting to know the Nation Citizens better, as well as the Nation staff. I wish I could have hung on later than 2a.m. and got some #noodz after, but my body was shutting down already, and I had an early morning the next day. 
400 words? Let’s wrap this up.  I don’t really feel comfortable talking about how awesome of a job I did during the Draft Party… even though I killed it! But if the guys really want to hear it, I was and will basically be the best intern they will ever have in their lives.  Give them a month and they won’t even remember that one time I was a week past the deadline to hand in my essay.  Hell, I might even start refilling the water cooler and flushing after I use the toilet once in a while. 
Where are we at? 502 words? Once again, @TheNationChris exceeding expectations. *Drops mic. Chris out!

All jokes aside, I want to thank Chris the Intern for being a good sport about this and helping us out with anything and everything we need him for. He’s got a good sense of humour and he fits in with our group of misfits quite nicely so go easy on him, he’s just a kid. If you don’t want to go easy on him than let him know just how bad of an intern he is on his Twitter account at @TheNationChris

  • looks at poor CTI’s shoes…..you can tell he’s an intern….

    Hey JS and BM…..maybe you could chip in to buy CTI a new pair of shoes? that have a sole with tread and support for his ankles…….ON knows he will be putting miles on them for you

    or maybe an endorsement deal?

  • I can’t comment on the essay since I can barely read, but there was no where near enough swearing in there. Plus I’d expect an intern to constantly wear a bow tie and at the very least a hat representing the team the site he works for represents. I guess it’s a blue hat so maybe I’m expecting too much from an intern.

  • yawto

    Drunkin revelry. Week late in work assignments. Sounds like management material. Won’t be long until he has keys to Wanye manor and then the world. Welcome aboard Chris. You followed me on Twitter. I ❤️ u.

  • Needs more imagery, perhaps a reference to being little spoon to Wanye while wearing an Eberle jersey, and Shameless Oodle Noodle cross over adds/referalls.
    PS I love milk in a bag. That guy is amaze balls

  • BobbyCanuck

    Your passive sentences are at 7%. This is really quite an accomplishment, as the best writes strive to get as close to 0% as possible.

    Flesch Reading Ease comes is 69.5%, which is also quite good, could be improved on by using different words meaning the same thing, words that are more descriptive could also be used.

    For example, replacing night with nocturnal

    Also try to minimize the repetition of the same word.

    Both would help with the Grade Level as well.

    Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level is 7.9: a junior high writing level. Unacceptable for a post-secondary graduate. Shorter sentences with bigger, more descriptive words are required.

    Word Count is 476, the title does not count

    I did not mind that your assignment was one week late, the prescribed word count was 500. You are short by 24 words which as you are well aware from your communication courses is completely unacceptable. I have no choice but to give you an F.

    We hired you because we saw your potential to become a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, much like we see Jultz potential to win the Norris.. Please take this as a learning lesson. We will expect a lot more from you on your next writing assignment

    Cheers – The Management

  • Rambelaya

    Intern Chris,

    What you just wrote…is one of the most insanely idiotic things i have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent essay were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this site is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points and may McDavid have mercy on your soul.

    P.S. Welcome to the Nation!

  • Rambelaya

    If this had been submitted the day after the party, I think it would’ve been totally passable.

    Everyone knows that the later something is, the better it has to be. If nothing else, this essay better have been delivered inside a box of donuts and a case or two of beer, and then we’re not even having this discussion.

  • Darkmanic

    Welcome to the nation Chris… This is only my forth post and I bet if you combine all of them to date and omit the repeated line combinations I would be over 500 words that would make more sense. I have followed the Oilers organization from 1987-present and I have went to plenty of games. I wish I was still living in the Edmonton area so I could have your job. I enjoyed watching the draft and can only imagine what it was like there. You have a wonderful job that you are interning for and are apparently doing a stand up job at and will continue to improve. Also I believe in the detection the organization is going and can not wait for the season to begin. Good luck in the future Chris and hope to see more from you in the coming years

  • Serious Gord

    This by far and away is nothing more than a slap in the face to the local scribes who write on this site and the fans who read those articles. While I do not expect you to wow me with an enhanced vocabulary after watching the movie Bad Words, however you should respect that your readers can read above an Archie comic level. I suggest you read more of Browlee’s articles to achieve this. The essay suggested nothing about your task of capturing the pulse of the Oilers fan surrounding the draft,as it is quite evident there was no time and effort put into this assignment. Again take notes from those on here that have put in an honest effort to be knowledgeable and thought provoking, ie.Gregor.

    If we at oilersnation are taking the time to read articles the same should be put into them.