I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and to ruin everyone’s week on a Tuesday, but something truly heartbreaking happened this morning. 

I’ll give you all a moment to let that sink in. 

Yes, the nightmare has come true: Mark Arcobello got so sick of playing for the Leafs that he has fled to Europe to seek asylum. It’s a devastating day for Oil Country, witnessing one of their greatest heroes head for the chocolate filled hills of Switzerland. But let’s not mark today with sadness; let us celebrate all the great things Marcobello was able to accomplish during his time in Edmonton. 

Mark Arcobello arrives in Edmonton via the brand new Canadian National Railways line. Shortly afterward, not coincidentally, Edmonton is named the capital of Alberta. 

The first major oil deposit in the capital region is discovered, marking the beginning of the oil boom in Western Canada, and cementing Edmonton as the “Oil Capital of Canada”. The man who discovered all this black gold? Mark Arcobello. 

The ribbon is cut on the world’s largest shopping mall, West Edmonton Mall. Developers originally wanted to call it The Mark Arcobello Super Centre but Arcobello refused, citing concerns people would confuse it with his personal home, and not realize it was, in fact, a giant shopping mall. “Even if it was my house, everyone would be invited over anyway” Arcobello later told the Edmonton Journal. 

Mark Arcobello, Wayne Gretzky, and the rest of the upstart Edmonton Oilers defeat the New York Islanders four games to one en route to their first Stanley Cup win, ending the Islanders dynasty and beginning a new one in the City of Champions. 

After spending three seasons in the AHL, Mark Acrobello needs only 17 games before he pots his first NHL goal. “THIS IS THE FIRST OF LIKE 2000 CAREER GOALS” we scream to an empty apartment. 

Mark Arcobello plays his last game in an Edmonton Oilers uniform. He is traded to the Nashville Predators for veteran centerman, and Yak Whisperer® Derek Roy. At the time of the trade Arcobello has 7 goals and 5 assists, which I assume was the team lead in both categories, as this is the 2014 Edmonton Oilers. 

A forlorn blogger puts together this video tribute; an entire city weeps. 

Mark Arcobello would go on to play 61 more NHL games split between the Predators, Penguins, Coyotes and Leafs. He would finish his North American career strong, putting up 59 points in 49 games with the AHL Toronto Marlies, before helping them reach the Eastern Conference finals of the AHL playoffs.

Arcobello was a very competent bottom six player for the Edmonton Oilers, who could easily handle spot duty up with the top six. Undersized and undrafted, Arcobello was able to carve out six solid seasons of professional hockey in North America before heading off to find greener pastures filled with expertly crafted timepieces littered throughout the Swiss Alps. He was a fun player to root for (even in a Leafs jersey!) and we wish him all the best in his future endeavours, wherever they may take him.  

Godspeed Mark Arcobello; may your spirit live on in the hearts of Oiler fans everywhere!