Cribs n junk
By Wanye
14 years ago
Yesterday we were messaged by a buddy who said “Sheldon Souray is selling his house in Edmonton!” Like any good singer/songwriter we immediately shot back “says who? You? Pfft.” But upon further investigation it turns out that it was heard second hand from someone who heard it on JAG with Gregor and Brownlee.
This is very troubling news. Let’s discuss this rumor with the wild speculation and conjecture that befits bored hockey fans shall we?
Souray selling his house in Edmonton
Emotional Wanye: Uh WHAT?
Logical Wanye: Easy E.W, this could be like the time you had to make that emergency call to the STD Clinic. This too could be a phantom menace.
Emotional Wanye: But what if it isn’t? What if he is moving? What are we going to DO?
*starts hyperventilating*
Logical Wanye: To be fair E.W you didn’t even hear what was said. There could be a million reasons why Souray would sell his house. Perhaps he is buying a solid gold house. This is a standard move for a hojillionaire Sex God at this stage of his career. Perhaps his existing house doesn’t have a big enough floor safe. Perhaps the grotto out back has a fungus of some sort and he is looking to unload it before it becomes evident and the value of the house falls.
Emotional Wanye: Wait a minute, you aren’t logical Wanye….
(reaches over and peels off Logical Wanye’s face, which turns out to be a mask and reveals a clone of Emotional Wanye crying hysterically.)
Emotional Wanye Clone: There is no time or place for logic in this scenario fool! Didn’t you hear that Big Sexy is moving? Didn’t Brownlee say that he had asked for a trade at the end of the season? Brownlee is never wrong! He always drops hints left and right and it always happens! DON’T YOU SEE WHAT IS GOING ON?
(Emotional Wanye and his clone stare unblinking at one another for a few moments in frozen terror. In the background a much kissed Souray poster falls off the wall and flutters to the ground.)
Sean Avery’s Bentley on Cribs wasn’t his
While we are on the topic of NHL player’s cribs we have heard a little tidbit of interest regarding one Sean Avery. It seems that when Avery had his LA house on MTV Cribs he showed a Bentley he claimed as his own. The thing of it is – it wasn’t his car at all. Pretending to own a Bentley? Is this how you were raised Sean Avery? For shame.
In the absence of being able to find YouTube footage of Sean Avery on Cribs we have included what did come up on YouTube when we searched “Avery&Cribs” in the video above. That clip tells basically the same story and illustrates the point we are trying to make which is this:
This is the second time that Cribs has disappointed us severely with false claims of ownership. The first time was when Ja Rule had probably one of the best Cribs segments ever.
Crazy Ja Rule Cribs segment
Look at that episode! Jay Z arriving by motor yacht! Vin Diesel wearing a hilarious tank top/track suit combination! A guy in the pantry named Cookie! Problem was – it wasn’t his crib. It was rented and Ja Rule was later sued for destroying the house:
The 8,000 square foot home was rented in May of 2001 for the Memorial Day weekend and Ja Rule allegedly threw a lavish party that left holes in (the) walls, broken doors, destroyed furniture, cracked tile in her driveway and numerous syringes and condom wrappers all over. During that weekend MTV filmed the entire home for an episode of MTV Cribs profiling the home as Ja Rule’s “Miami” residence. Under the alleged rental agreement the residence was to be used for four days with a maximum of eight people staying on the premise. Instead more than 600 people arrived by bus, boat and other means of transportation the lawsuit says.
The point in all of this – and trust us there is a point – is that Sheldon Souray’s crib is all of a sudden of the utmost importance to us. He isn’t some douchebag that will be soon forgotten like Ja Rule or Sean Avery. He is an important piece of the puzzle going forward round these parts and let’s hope the only reason his house is for sale is because he is looking to upgrade his joint.
‘Cause if he does get dealt…..
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